Pre-21st Life Crisis - Only The Lonely

*Best Rant N Spit-Spill To Date. If you don't like it, then fuck off and read something more simplistic*

I've hummed and harred about this post and had many doubts about how I could post it some kind of emotive light. After the advent of my series blogpost life crisis count-downs to my 21st - I thought the time is right now. This is a long over-due post that has been a struggle to compose and structure right. A topic that's very sensitive with me at the moment, the most important, and the closest. This is in no way a post for sympathy, or a vain attempt to get my female readership asking me out. It's something that has made me cried in the past, boiled my blood, troubled my mind, strengthened me, and matured me. Now seems to be the time to post this due to recent D&M's with close friends and media attention on related issues. Not to mention I just want to give up because I've had enough of it all and need to publicise it for my own sake in making it clearer.

I wish I could see where I've gone wrong, or what I'm doing wrong. Sometimes I just want the most simplest things in life, and I can't even have them. Instead I see so many in relationships, and half of them don't even deserve it or shoulnd't be in one.

I've been single for nearly 7 months now. At first, singledom was fantastic. I embraced and relished in every single moment to be free and suit myself. I could walk down the street and perve to my heart's content, gaze around at some of the hot young things parading the streets these days, or be lost in the thought of what it would be like to know that person and be in a relationship with them. Much like thinking about the history of an old toy or a rusty tin in an antique store.

Two months ago this novelty wore off. I don't want to be single anymore. Yeah, I hear you all saying "Well simply just go out and and go clubbing or something". It's impossible to talk to anyone over the music or communicate on any basis. Not to mention all those fucktarded try-hard metrosexuals\fucktarded jocks\fucktarded "cool" guys who can click and girls come racing to them. Another thing that shits me is the fact girls make such a fuss of these guys - "My man is hot! He has such a great six-pack!", "My boy is soooo cute""My guy is sooo hot" What about personality? On a minute scale they might just be lucky, but really, they're cunts. I've seen it\heard it\been complained to\about how the girl thought their guy was great cos he had a six pack, played the guitar, blonde-tips, had a car, nice skin, and great clothes and came across sweet. Then they wonder what happened to their man when he turns around and cheats on them, or turns out to be a wife-beater. Shit, what a surprise there. Wake the fuck up girls, you wouldn't be treated like shit if you weren't so goddamn materialistic. Step back, and think for once about what you're doing and whom you're going after. Half the guys out there are unfaithful turds. Even a pile of shit doesn't deserve them.
I get so easily depressed when I go clubbing these days. As the lights dance across my face, I lean over the balcony with a bourbon in hand watching all of them. Every single one of them. I hate guys, they really piss me off. I've always said that if I went psychotic I would buy a gun and gun down bogans and sleazebags. I bet there's steam I'm snorting out sometimes when I watch some guy who thinks his King Shit of the place, gyrate around the girl, touching her inappropriately, and knowing that he will get sex that night(or so he might think). Or the guy up at a club in Warragul who danced like a male stripper around every single girl. It also fucking pisses me off this facade of acting like a black guy. Why do white guys have to act\dance\talk\ like black guys? If I wasn't such a weak bastard, I would punch them out if I had a physically violent bone in my body. If any one of you guys out there is reading this, grow the fuck up you ridiculous turd. Act yourself so the girl can see you for who you really are - a pathetic looser. Call me old-fashioned, or this a generalisation, but I've seen more than enough in my experiences and know in my beliefs that girls should not be groped so publicly, or treated like "sexual objects". I see it too much in clubs, and it seems to be increasing.

I find it hard to tick. Each day I'm more and more convinved that I will be single for life. One certain person had the cheek to tell me he will be single for a damn long time. He knows who he is. On the contary, if anyone will be single for a damn long time or indefinitely, is I. Friends around me whinge about how they're sick of sex, or how they had sex the night before. All I want sometimes is sex too, no strings attached. Sometimes I want something more than that. But it just DOES NOT HAPPEN. I look around me and see many, many beautiful young things and think to myself that I have no chance. It really depresses me. I've always said that attractive girls have the ugliest boyfriends and vice versa. Guess there's luck for me yet.

Id know...I get like this when I go clubbing most of the time but I never speak out loud about it. I would have a funtime more often than not, but it really fucking niggles me that people think you pick up in nightclubs or other people can and I can't. (No I'm not fat or pimped infested, if you don't believe me, ask for a photo and Ill show you what I look like). Objectively speaking, I have confidence in most things I partake in, except courting\chatting up\whatever the hell it is you wanna call it.

Everyone else I've seen around the LJsphere and Blogsphere has had their rant, and goddammit, I'm entitled to one too. Sod it all. It's pointless...