The Written Word II - Poetry In Motion

Early Morning Ramblings

2005-04-11T03:55:00.000+10:00

I really should be in bed. A long time ago. But, instead I sit here in darkness listening to Thomas Newman's "American Beauty" theme and downloading some Crowded House. On top of this, I have a strong urge to splurge some thoughts onto here, hell knows why? Not like anyone reads this.

I'm going stir crazy sitting here at home for the majority of the time. This month of holidays from Uni seems to be stretching out. But I'm not complaining as there are some hardcore assignments due on the first day back, but I'm just not motivated to do much. I really don't know what's gotten into me.
Would be interesting to see just how many other people have screwed sleeping patterns. From what I can tell, there seems to be quite a few who continually wake up still tired, lethargic throughout the day and up to all hours at night. I guess for me, it's the lack of routine that disrupts everything.

I've applied for jobs, about 8 in the past week but alas, nothing. Always the case. So disheartening and depressing. Especially when you consider a good friend lost his job. That makes two people now that have been made redundant under the age of 20.

I finally joined the gym. After making the New Year's resolution that I will, I did. I try to be a man of my word so I'm happy about this goal. It ain't too bad, except for the morning after my first session where my arm was locked into place from benchpressing. So with any luck, throwing a bunch of weights around and straining every inch of me, I may just be able to walk around next Christmas comfortably with an ironboard chest without worrying about what people will say about my boobs and the gut that accompanies them.

In other news, got bashed up a week ago. First time I've ever had a black eye. Now, normally I can talk my way out and run away to avoid any such confrontation, but this was utterly unprecedented. A friend and I were walking home after some drunken fun wrestling on the side of the highway, making silly noises between ourselves that in no way, can be misinterpreted as discriminatory, racist, or insulting. There were two girls in front of us with their bottle of Beam. As we departed ways, the little shits decided to verbally attack us about our noises and take it personal. Next we know, these "girls" are running full belt at us. We hold our ground. Surely two girls can't do much? They're girls. Sweet little girls who go to Heaven. But these fuckfaces were anything but. I was punched in my head, my mate tackled with his t-shirt wrapped around his body like a straight jacket. What made matters worse for us is the fact they were Mauris. Big, beefy Mauri girls. Luckily for me I suppose I didn't write about this when I got home with clenched fists with a swollen face, mumbling racist insults left, right, and centre. After I told her where to go and what she can do, she kept following. As I walked backwards, I was narrowly missing street signs and driveways, eventually I grabbed her arms trying to calm her down when the slag punched my eye. Anyway, I ended up on the other side of the Princes Highway, yelling out to my mate to drop it and walk off. First thing I thought of was what my Gran always says, "When you get into a fight, your mates will be the first to leave you for dead". I couldn't leave him but I couldn't risk getting involved and making matters worse. So, I rang the police. They were hopeless. After he managed to talk his way out, albeit a punched nose that made it more crooked, he was glad that I "got the violent one". Yay! Yeah! I'll take a few punches for a mate anytime! So here we were, sitting on the corner path, just like a scene out of "Fight Club" waiting for the police who never came and watching a couple of cop cars, AND an ambulance drive straight past.
It's only until now that the black eye has faded and the lumps receded. Mind you, I saw these two girls again last night walking the streets of Pakenham. I don't normally use it but in this case - cunts. Why is it that some black people have a chip on their shoulder? Seriously, we were having innocent fun, nothing to do with them and they turned around and attacked us! Downright irrational-thinking cunts. Boy I'm pissed. (Worthy to note that Today Tonight has an article about Australian girls and families being attacked and terrorised by these bastards).

In other big news, the Pope is dead. Good thing in a way as the poor bugger was suffering. I haven't really been much of a fan of him as I've always wondered what the hell it is exactly, that he does? But when he passed away, it wasn't until then, I heard the stories. Funny isn't it how when someone dies, people always say good things about them but rarely whilst they're alive?
He did squash Communism so that's a fair effort I reckon, not to mention the Berlin Wall. It wasn't until I stopped writing for a minute just now, that I noticed the first sentence - "the Pope is dead". This, is, literally, the biggest thing that may happen in our lifetimes. It's not everyday that a world leader so famous, powerful, and influential dies and subsequently, the attendance of mourners at the Vatican can clearly be seen from space! R.I.P. JP II.

It really is a crazy mixture in the media, funerals and weddings left, right, and centre. Rather interesting juxtaposition. Although I really couldn't give a rats arse about Prince Charles and you know who.

You know the more I think about "Anchorman" the more and more I like it. I highly recommend you watch it. Will Farell is a champion when it comes to humor and acting. Top stuff! Top movie!

Well I've done it again and crapped on about random happenings from the past week. After having two big piss-ups from Friday night (whereby I acquired a certain girl's phone number within an hour and being asked out to the movies, getting pissed with old school chums, and hearing about a mate breaking into my house only for him to find I wasn't in my bed!) to the pool\spa party last night that had too much run, white rum and Whiskey mixes along with crazy sexual happenings in the spa where things involving objects were inserted, gay fantasies, elephant leaves, toe-licking, same sex kissing, and naked tities. Who knows what the camping trip up on the Yarra River will hold this week.

Growing Pains

2005-03-29T22:30:00.000+10:00

...and now, a word from our sponsor.

I was overjoyed to find an old CD at the back of the DVD cabinet under the TV which was a CD an old friend did at the end of Yr. 12. He compiled some basic Visual Basic program with a simple search function for each person in the year level, bringing them up with their personal details and their quiz we had them take. One of the questions on there was, "What's the meaning of teenage life". It wasn't until tonight that I realised the answer to life as a whole, is: growing pains.

Life. It's just sheer fucking craziness. It's fucked up but oh so beautiful simultaneously. It's not unil now, my peak has been reached and thus I am ready to turn everything up on it's head: personally, mentally, socially, and creatively.

Ever had one of those days where so much weird shit has been crammed into the one day? Where it just has so much meaning to why you eat your French Fries the way you do to trimming your nasal hair? Or why you scratch your back first thing upon entering the shower? I've been having alot of those days lately, and quite possibly, on a daily basis.

You just have to stop and take a look around. Take a picture while you're at it.

This whole "me writing about cryptic shit that people won't get, raving about tards I come across, or relishing in how supposedly great something is whereby no one would give a shit about" has fallen downhill. I'm just sick of this shit. This blog. No one comments. No one reads. I don't write. Also earlier attempts at trying to become one with the whole "blogosphere" community. It's rather cohesive, too cohesive I might add. If you ain't writing about politics or raving about some bolding MP with a middle-age spread, you just AIN'T worth it. You are not cool. No one will read or give you a chance, nor will they hold any esteem for you. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. I may have linked on this blog of people from social frolicking of yester-months but Im quite sure they don't read me as I might with them. But, I know - you must write something in order for people to just to take a 5 second glance only to immediately dismiss it. Fuck it all in it's arse. Im going out on a limb and people can like it or lump it. Threatening or just complaining? Take it as you please and you can have your cake with it as well. But individuality grows stronger in me, I want to do something that sums me up, this person right here. It continually amuses me as well bloggers always fit in the descriptive, "self-indulging" in their posts. Well no shit, that's exactly what a blog is isn't? My Mum put it so well a while ago where she said it was rather a case of self-centered ramblings. And even when people whinge about people whinging, that's hilarity at it's highest calibre.

Just why do we blog? Therapy? Attention-seeking? Status-symbol? Piss-poor attempt at journalistic fantasies? Neh, whatever it is, I'm doing mine, albeit on a "once-in-a-blue-moon" routine, for myself and people who want to take part as either a spectator, a comrade in arms, or relish in how shit this blog can get. I am also doing it as a way of looking back, nostalgia, status symbol (although that won't happen), occasionally humble, frequently egotistical, sometimes hilarious, a dash of sex, and above all; honest. Hey, that's what blogs are all about ain't they?

Speaking of blogs on the whole, I have been on the bandwagon as well and neglected things around here like oh so many others have. Ever wondered why this ain't updated?

Here it is, no order whatsoever:
1. Final year University - Bachelors Degree in Communiciations. What fun this is. Im serious! Just from a month of doing Sociology I can aim my commentary gun oh so directly with it's cross hair and hit some social matter on the head. Discussion abounds in class and with voulchers ready to prounce on anything you say, it embelishes passion in everyone, where we all argue and try to can understand this crazy society a little bit more. Capitalism, Socialism, Industrial Revolution, Commodities, Gemeinshaft, Gesellshaft, Consumption and Production. It rocks my jocks down to the socks! Comsumer society - you just gotta love it!
Then there's Communication & Culture that Im studying that touches the art of talking and writing in all it's simplicity and origins, not to mention a dash of anthropology. Composition the online component of the course, and Film: Style & Story. It's a thrill to be able to drive in for class on Thursdays as well during the evening, except the shit on Toorak Rd in peak hour. It is a pain to get up at 6AM Fridays for an all day session. But bah, I can hack it and there's something about the early morning train ride I really enjoy and just doing a full days work.

2. 21 and I don't have a job. Am I lazy? Should I get a poll for people to have their say as to whether I am or not? I swear I'm not, but being unemployed sucks arse. I go to bed 5-6AM as I work on some film or animation shit throughout the night and get up 2 in the arvo. I don't like it, I don't want to do it anymore. I want a job, REALLY want one but alas, every job I come across is either too far, the cunts want someone who's experienced, or you need some special qualification. I don't use the C word much but this has really pissed me off and disheartens\depresses me beyond my realms. How are those of us suppose to get experience if it's such a neccessity to begin with? Not only am I applying for jobs left, right and centre in real estate, selling lights, but also in my chosen industry: film\CGI (as in animation, not the programming language). Problems have ensued there as I need to write different versions of my resume, cover letters to each company and also burn the bloody showreel onto DVD, but even then software that you rely on has to be an arsestick.

3. I'm absolutely sick of the look of this blog too. Old, inappropriate,irrevelant, and just shite. With some luck and of course, time, I'll draw up some sketches for how I want this bastard to look. Something that shows for who I really am, the work I do, and what my dream is all about - Hollywood. I wrote in one post at the previous re-release of The Written Word 1.0 about what the colours, icons and all that means, but it just doesn't fit into who's behind all of this, not how the content is suppose to be presented. Now there's "self-indulgence" in true blog-style for you!
On top of this, I'm working on two other websites. A personal portfolio for the films\animation\artwork I've done over the years and create some kind of online presence for my work for any potential employers out there. Hi to you all! And finally, a website for my current film I'm working diligently on. Being an entirely 3D short film, it does taken up a fair bit of my time. Since Janurary I've been storyboarding the film, two versions of these storyboards, editing them both into a movie presentation, and now Im about to embark on the wonderful world of pre-vis and concept designs. In due time, you'll hear more about it. If it turns out how I see it in my head, then it could just very well be my big break I'm desperate for.

4. Working on a 3D short film isn't entirely a walk on the beach. The storyboarding may have been over and done with; the longest part, but soon the concept designs, modelling, animation, visual effects, cloth, hair, rendering, compositing, packaging and everything else that follows will be coming up; the harder stuff. So you can be sure that late nights over the keyboard wrapping my mind around parameter settings for cloth effects, hair & fur, rain, clouds, storms, snow, photorealism will ensure for a good part of this year and keep up my fucked-up sleeping patterns. With any luck it will be all done by Christmas, so I have a schedule as well that governs things.

5. Today I joined up to the gym. Yes, for those who do know me, it may well be highly amusing shit, but I'm not doing it for amusement. I need to. It is time. I look in the mirror and see the body of a late 30-something year old. I want abs, I want an ironboard stomach, I want some decent beefiness where it should be, and by God I will get it. This was one of my New Year's resolutions and I'm sticking to my word.
I'm still planning on joining the SES, but my real desire lies within the aim of enrolling at some dance school to learn ballroom. I'm just so incredibly eager to take it up (and have been for a long time). I could dance the night away if I had the chance given to me, and the girl. It's always about the girls too.

So there you have it. That was the tip of the iceberg but now you know why things are hardly updated. Any complaints feel free to either let me know and of course, drop a comment. Your guess is as good as mine as to where things will go with not just this site, but life as well.

Tonight is the "Night of Nights"

2005-02-28T18:45:00.000+11:00

...Filmmaker Extraordinnaire is bouncing off the walls and not surprisingly either.

With only 72 minutes left (as of time of writing this) to go, the wait is finally over. The night of nights has arrived and rightly so, what can be called one of, (if not the biggest) night of the year. There is really only one other night that comes close to such charged atmosphere and that's Christmas Eve. Personally, I see the night when the Academy Awards airs as predominantly the most important night. Obviously you would know why I do hold such high esteem and excitement for this 3.5 hour long fest of gold statuettes, gowns, red carpet arrivals, paparazzi, flashing bulbs, and long-winded speeches of thankfulness towards managers and God one too many times. If not and you don't know what I do, browse on over to the profile. Speaks for itself.

In all seriousness, I have been counting down towards this night.With less than 5 minutes before Richard Wilkins interviews the red carpet steamrollers on the widescreen TV behind me, I'm bouncing everywhere like a child on red cordial and have been for the past couple of weeks. Big whoop you might exclaim? Well, holding tightly onto my life goal of reaching Hollywood and being a (professional) film director\producer\writer one day soon; this night is by far, what it's all about - Achievement. But enough about why I watch it.
Following is the list of nominees for this year's Oscars:

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Don Cheadle in "Hotel Rwanda"
Johnny Depp in "Finding Neverland"
*Leonardo DiCaprio in "The Aviator"
Clint Eastwood in "Million Dollar Baby"
^Jamie Foxx in "Ray"

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Alan Alda in "The Aviator"
Thomas Haden Church in "Sideways"
^Jamie Foxx in "Collateral"
*Morgan Freeman in "Million Dollar Baby"
Clive Owen in "Closer"

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Annette Bening in "Being Julia"
Catalina Sandino Moreno in "Maria Full of Grace"
Imelda Staunton in "Vera Drake"
^*Hilary Swank in "Million Dollar Baby"
Kate Winslet in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
^*Cate Blanchett in "The Aviator" (although the bloody 6 o'clock news ruined the results for me. Bastards)
Laura Linney in "Kinsey"
Virginia Madsen in "Sideways"
Sophie Okonedo in "Hotel Rwanda"
Natalie Portman in "Closer"

Best animated feature film of the year
^*"The Incredibles"
"Shark's Tale"
"Shrek 2"

Achievement in art direction
"The Aviator"
"Finding Neverland"
"Lemony Snicket?s A Series of Unfortunate Events"
^*"The Phantom of the Opera"
"A Very Long Engagement"

Achievement in cinematography
*"The Aviator"
^"House of Flying Daggers"
"The Passion of the Christ"
"The Phantom of the Opera"
"A Very Long Engagement"

Achievement in costume design
*"The Aviator"
"Finding Neverland"
"Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events"
^"Ray"
"Troy"

Achievement in directing
*"The Aviator"
"Million Dollar Baby"
^"Ray"
"Sideways"
"Vera Drake"

Best documentary feature
"Born into Brothels"
^"The Story of the Weeping Camel"
*"Super Size Me"
"Tupac: Resurrection"
"Twist of Faith"

Best documentary short subject
*"Autism Is a World"
"The Children of Leningradsky"
"Hardwood"
^"Mighty Times: The Children's March"
"Sister Rose's Passion"

Achievement in film editing
*"The Aviator"
"Collateral"
"Finding Neverland"
^"Million Dollar Baby"
"Ray"

Best foreign language film of the year
"^As It Is in Heaven"
*"The Chorus (Les Choristes)"
"Downfall"
"The Sea Inside"
"Yesterday"

Achievement in makeup
^"Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events"
*"The Passion of the Christ"
"The Sea Inside"

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
*"Finding Neverland"
"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"
"Lemony Snicket?s A Series of Unfortunate Events"
^"The Passion of the Christ"
"The Village"

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
"Accidentally In Love" from "Shrek 2"
"Al Otro Lado Del Río" from "The Motorcycle Diaries"
"Believe" from "The Polar Express"
^*"Learn To Be Lonely" from "The Phantom of the Opera"
"Look To Your Path (Vois Sur Ton Chemin)" from "The Chorus (Les Choristes)"

Best motion picture of the year
*"The Aviator"
"Finding Neverland"
"Million Dollar Baby"
^"Ray"
"Sideways"

Best animated short film
^*"Birthday Boy" (Local Melbourne talent too!)
"Gopher Broke"
"Guard Dog"
"Lorenzo"
"Ryan"

Best live action short film
"Everything in This Country Must"
*"Little Terrorist"
"7:35 in the Morning ( 7:35 de la Mañana)"
"Two Cars, One Night"
^"Wasp"

Achievement in sound editing
*"The Incredibles"
^"The Polar Express"
"Spider-Man 2"

Achievement in sound mixing
^*"The Aviator"
"The Incredibles"
"The Polar Express"
"Ray"
"Spider-Man 2"

Achievement in visual effects
"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"
"I, Robot"
^*"Spider-Man 2"

Adapted screenplay
"Before Sunset"
*"Finding Neverland"
"Million Dollar Baby"
"The Motorcycle Diaries"
^"Sideways"

Original screenplay
"The Aviator"
*"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"
^"Hotel Rwanda"
"The Incredibles"
"Vera Drake"

* is next to the nominee who I'm predicting will win
^ is next to the nominee who will actually end up winning

Immediately after the 77th Annual Academy Awards finishes airing tonight, I will endeavor to write up a review of all the craziness that went on; including: ghastly outfits, blubbering speeches, surprises, the magic, the stars and the joy of celebrating this year's highest achievers in the world of cinema across the globe. Stay tuned for more.

3 minutes to go...

Be My, Be My Baby

2005-02-15T20:10:00.000+11:00

The world according to Eros

Life as a romantic isn't quite a bed of roses. Especially in this day and age. It seems that everyone has lost what the real meaning is behind St. Valentine's Day,("Corporate Love Day" as some would call it) or better still, romance in general. Yes it's a big Hallmark commercial but shit, how else are the companies going to make money? Christmas is right up there with it's commercial vulnerability as is Easter, Australia Day, and any other God-forsaken public holiday. But I will die as a "martyr of love" as readers, bloggers, and anyone else prepare their artillery to shoot me down for when I say that anyone who calls it as a "Corporate Love Day", is already a cynical, jaded person who should hold off their skeptical grumblings till they at least hit the age of 70. Time enough to be sour with all that is around you in the world. Some people are growing up too quick where they are already whinging like goddamn geriatics. With my track record, I'm surprised I'm not as sour as I should be when it comes to these matters too.

I've often wondered why some people are deadset on romanticism, whilst others are just not that way inclined. I don't know where I got my supposed romantic ways from, but I swear it's a curse. You can almost hear people scream "Idealist!", "Dreamer", "Loser" when they hear your views on "what should be done" for loved ones. Fucked if I know why people look down on sending roses to your other half, pulling the chair out, asking how their day was, being honest and not bottling your feelings, massages, and hugs. At the end of the day, these cycnics are the ones who go to bed alone. You would think so wouldn't you?

Well it seems most romantics (that I've heard of or come across) cop the rough end of the pineapple. If anyone has copped the roughest part of the pineapple in their end, it's me. I will save future musings on romance to another day, in the meantime, first thing's first - Valentine's Day.

I agree entirely that you shouldn't necessarily treat your other half nicely for just one day, that is rather absurd. Also it's not that special if you're celebrating your day with pretty much the whole world simultaneously. But this doesn't mean you should ignore Valentine's Day.

It started so innocently.

As far back as I remember, since I was 9, I've managed to have a crush that I could shoot an arrow at on February 14th. Of course, ultimately, nothing eventuates due to my short-comings whereby I am either lacking in confidence hardcore, shy, or just too simply afraid of rejection. An opportunity lost, is an opportunity gone I suppose. The first ~~victim~~ girl that I fall head over heels for was from my drama academy in Frankston. Wow, she was gorgeous. Stranger still, we somehow always got paired up to play either boyfriend\girlfriend, husband and wife, or whatever in most plays we did. I love these ironic situations. When it came to the day, I wrote up the card, looked up her surname in the White Pages and off I sent my card to her. Conveniently, my mate lived up the road. So after a week's allowance of letting the card get to her, I brought it up with him and pointed out the house where she lived. "Um..you sure?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah, absolutely!", I optimistically replied. "I don't think so. There's two old couple living there."

SHIT.

I'm sure I caused a domestic of some sort between Arthur and Martha who were just about to celebrate their 40th Wedding Anniversary, when suddenly Arthur curiously asks, "Who sent this card to you, Love? Is there something you should be telling me".

FUCKBERRIES. Stupid multiple surname listings of people in the same town.

Then there was the girl up around the corner of my street whom looked like Ocean Girl. Damn she was a hotty. Pity she had a fucked up background. But still, accepting "most people's" faults, I sent her a card. I tried hinting to her brother, my mate, to drop the hint to her that it was me. And then there was her older sister who made me dribble. Never heard from her again. Then I had a fight with the ones whom I had met her through, and the world exploded after that. And then she ran away from home...and lived for a bit in the creek over the fence..or something.

Puberty bestowed itself upon me and the chemicals went off like a firecracker in the sack. I had this huge hankering for the "girl next door". Although she lived down the hill, near the haunted house, I was fortunate enough to have gone to primary school with her, befriend her brother through that drama academy, become good mates where she would often beg if she could come along with us. Deep down I secretly wanted her to come, but I kept it quiet and her brother would say no. Some days, she would and all was well with the world. She was my Joey. But I never sent her anything and I don't know why to this day. That's one regret right there. Just before moving to where I am now, her brother and I had a gigantuan falling out because I was "unco and can't ride a skatboard" and "too smart" or some shit. Years later, friend of a friend's place I was at and this Joey came up in the conversation. Turns out she was good friends with her. Six degrees fucking hardcore! Then I heard she was pregnant.

Serious relationships welcomed themselves as a novelty (at first) in the form of a my mate's ex-girlfriend's sister. She was a complete angel. I was in love for sure. I must get further acquainted with this girl. So the days passed at the end of 2001 there and I rang her, we saw Lord of the Rings, I visited her, rang more, and things were quite spiffy. Valentine's Day reared it's head and I had a plan.
Soaring temperatures climbed up the thermometer as I rushed around to some florists at the last minute to get a bunch of Gerberas for this spunky red-head at school. I asked the receptionist to call her to the desk. I figured I would have a better chance of getting one of them in the end. I was in graphics with her as she exited the room, her friends giggling as they had talked with me about it. She came back, bewildered at who would do such a thing. Anonymous went about his graphics work.
The bell went off for lunch and I packed my gear to get a lift to Dandenong for the bus upto Wantirna. It seemed that the whole of Yr. 12 were rooting for me as they wished my luck and I went out on my Valentine's Adventure.

I still remember sweating like a pig, although I don't much in 36 heat. Feels like yesterday. Still remember that idiotic wog who squashed my flowers on the bus! Never had I freaked this hard. Nearly shat myself. I knocked on the door..only to find out that she wasn't home. Ugh! So I sat putting up with her Mum telling me all about her new laptop and the ball of fluff pulling at my shoelaces.

...and so I waited...
...and waited...
...her Mum rang to see where she is and to "get home QUICK".
Finally, she arrived.
The bundle of red roses were given to her along with the poem inside the card. I still remember sitting at the kitchen counter, watching her Mum and her fuss over which vase to put the flowers in. Then later going for a walk with her, hand-in-hand, outpouring my feelings for her. Fuck I was terrified. Every worry, every fear I had was sealed when I asked if I could kiss her and as they say, the rest is history.

(Only now though, this good person not only went to college with her, but is ironically going to the same university as her, in Tasmania! Who knows what the future could hold).

Years later, and a few more partners later - 2004 saw the biggest Valentine's Day ever. My ex girlfriend and I had broken up just before Valentine's Day but things were amended and the Valentine's Day plans were to go ahead. So it seemed.
I'm bloody glad and fortunate to have these experiences as it inevitably shapes up who you become further down the road and gives you a sense of limitations, expectations, and not out-doing yourself. But for this partner, I was planning something big. Limousine. Picnic at the Botanic Gardens. Moonlight Cinema. Breakfast in bed. Just went crazy and too far with it all. I was getting to the point of being in love with love. Luckily I realised this and we eventuated with lunch at La Porchetta where I gave her a teddy bear and yet another poem in a fancy card. It was sworn to me that my gift was on it's way. It never came and we broke up within the fortnight because little had I known, she was thinking of breaking up with me all along during that time.

Friends who know this story say it's why I'm pessimistic with Valentine's Day because "poor wittle Filmy didn't get anything". Not the case. It's this above history right here. It's the track record that says why bother? That's why I say it can get fucked. I always give something to someone and never EVER gotten anything back. Therefore it can get sodded.

That's why I froze for a straight 10 minutes when I saw a Valentine's Day card at my breakfast bowl today. Analytical bastard I am, I looked carefully at the handwriting on the front and realised that someone was trying to disguise their normal style they write with. Inside, I couldn't believe my eyes. If you know me personally then you'll know that I DO NOT get things like this. The content was brief and closed simply with no name. It made me swoon. I accused my parents of setting up a cruel joke but I know they didn't. Unless it's some cruel-hearted bastard friends who did it to cheer me up or something. Bit like Sympathy Sex.

Assuming it's for real and considering I'm normally cynical and jaded with expecting to get anything on Valentine's Day; I'm jumping over the moon. For once I don't do anything and this happens? I have butterflies to last me the next few months!

'Tis The Season For Augmentation

2005-02-12T17:54:00.000+11:00

"That time" of the year

Sitting by the back door here feeling the freshness sweep in from the garden with the wind, I write this as I recover from my latest bout of hedonistic adventures last night at that notorious nightclub, Furnace. Feeling the pains of recovery from too much intake of Bourbon (not to mention waking up still pissed as I tend to do more often than having a hangover luckily) I drum up the strenth to face yet another night out on the town and on the turps. Hopefully. No plans yet.
But amidst all of this, insynced with that stale feeling you get after a heavy night boozing, I was looking at my blog design and decided it too, was stale. Time for an overhaul I reckon.

With thanks to these two and their Blog-esque ways of late, it has me looking at my own. Not only this, but also doing the rounds of other blogs out there, I've noted their design elements, templates, colour palette, and layouts. Some are fantastic. Others are just plain shithouse. Think of it as social comparison in a way. Presentation is everything, other than content and quality. So in hindsight, I got thinking about my own. There seems to be some space here to do something with it. Something that will convey who I am, what my blog is, and all that shite. Also some things have been shitting me with the look of it lately, so there's another excuse for a revamp.

I was going to do a short-listing of the new features in The Written Word 2.1 but I'd rather have you ogle over it when it comes out. Even I don't know what exactly I'll do to it, but the vision is somewhere in my head.

Oh, and as for this "that time* header at the top, that will be revealed in due time as well.

Take Me Back To The Start

2005-02-06T01:52:00.000+11:00

Excelling towards the Yahoo chatrooms for some generic "RILLY WOW?????!!?? WTF LOL IM SNGL3 2 AND LOVE WIT1!111!!11!!1!1!! OMG WIF MAH HANDS.1!1!!11!!1!1!!11!!!!!!" action, I instead opted for the trustworthy Blogger link (under my now, newly organised) IE favorites list. Hedonistic adventures aside for the moment, it is time to stock up on what's been missed as it may and well be truly Blog-stentatious.

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Belated Reflections of 2004
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Diving straight into the deep end without hesitation this time around on how exactly I would word the beginning of this sentence, I traditionally reminisce of the times, places, people in the year that was. It's somewhat of a spiritual epiphany as it is empowering what things you suddenly pick up on further down the track, that is, on the other side of the big date of December 31st.
Every year, in my try-hard Nostradamus ways, I predict what kind of a year it will be. At the start of 2004, I said it was going to be a year of change. Well yes, but more no. Turbulence, that's what it was. Like that pocket of turbulence that can crinkle a plane up like a ball of foil, and compact it's passengers into small balls of insignificance. This would be an accurate summary of 2004. Turbulence. Like the turbulence that made me crash into the ground from a high altitude to the subsequent slow rescue mission that is (perhaps) still being carried out? Or maybe that was a pissy metaphor that's most likely not going to convey what I want it to to my readers? In the end, I'm thankful in so many ways for the good and the bad that happened last year in all that turbulence.

Stemming from here, the last few months were an extravaganza in themselves.

July

First highlight of this month was a nerdy one. Many thanks to my sweet little 'ol Grandma for the helping financial hand - I updated my Pentium III 256MB computer to a hot, steamy sexual hyperthreaded Pentium IV beast of a thing that propels speeds of rendering, editing, animation, game design so fast, that it does the work before I've had the chance to click on anything.
Reality TV sucks me in for once. The Block 2 had me hooked as did There's Something About Miriam which was sheer hilarity! The looks on those guys faces at the discovery of her orientation. Gold! The Apprentice is still THE best show in this category. Pure addiction. Over time it became tradition amongst colleagues to get some munchies and watch it at each other's houses.
Early hours of most mornings were spent playing "Unreal Tournament 2004" on my suped-up system. God, it was an addictive game.
"Dawn of the Dead" would have to be the best zombie film I've seen to date.
First semester Uni 3D short film "Walking With Penguins" is finally completed after experiencing THE. WORST. PRODUCTION. I've ever worked on. Story rather tame. Premieres in the most unusual place - I.T. Warehouse in Clayton in front of all the customers and staff. With thanks to the technician's curiosity and a graphics card hitch.
Local MP, Christian Zahra, spotted shopping in girlie section in surfy store. Amusement shared by all who were present.
University magazine does front-page article on yours truly's work.
Passing mark at University goes from 85% - 90%! Whole new level of stress.
Geek factor No. 2 - Realised I'm a Spiderman fan after watching Spiderman 2. (no, I would never EVER buy the boxer shorts or figurines).
Donnie Darko: Director's Cut reviewed at Nova Cinema. Full house to watch a cult classic of underground cinema. Genius, goddamn genius Richard Kelly is!

August
Proposal to work on an animated children's TV show but project folded due to lack of funding.
Odd commentary on this blog from a character known none other than "Goodles McGee". Culprit never found. An eybrow is raised.
Embarrassing Fact No 1: a certain somebody cries at the death and ghostly farewell of Noah from Home and Away. Hey! It was sad ok! (that admittment is up there with the one to this person for crying in most films I see).
Fucktarded ex girlfriend begin there attempt at stalking me using 3 different emails and masquerades as other girls.
Doom 3 officially scares the hell out of me.

October

Strangely enough, I never quite got around to documenting about my 21st and the associated celebrations. Guess I was caught up in the throws of University. In short, it was one of the best days of my life. Celebrations lasted from my actual date of birth right through to the following Saturday where 40 or so attended a function that went off like a firecracker in the sack. God it was amazing. Food was exquisitely good! Music was a bit difficult to handle that night by this chap but he still tried his best. Many great gifts, vouchers and shenanigans that had me and the crew either high, drunk, or crying into our drinks well into the morning. I experienced every emotion right up until the last person left - 7AM, and after. It took me 2 months to calm down from it all.
Depression rears it's ugly head up at me. Worse bout of it I've ever had.
Became extremely exasperated with everything in life as I came down with Bronchitis, Sinusitis and Chaguntivitis

November
Last "Friends" episode aired. Yes, it was a big deal to me.
University Awards Night - Uni film, "The Friend" won Best Short Film of 2004. Snapshot of our acceptance speech here. Acclaim from many people and followed up by a TV interview. This was then followed by a gratuitous piss-up at pub down the road with the lecturer. Ended a turbulent second year of University perfectly.
Partied for a good 3\4 of this month

December
Finally got my Responsible Service of Alcohol. Another feather in the cap. And because of this I was responsible for getting the entirety of the family sloshed, I included. For once, we didn't watch shitty Christmas TV, instead opting to sit with a bundle of neverending grog and discuss all things life, family and people.
Purchased Half Life 2 for a discount price. The nerd was embraced. WOOT. May God bless Post Boxing Day sales. And by God I was graphed to the computer to a good week or so. Within two weeks it was completed. The verdict? Simply stunning, addictive, and awesomeness to the highest calibre.

And to finally close this come-back post from my recent hiatus, New Year's was perfect to the T. Venturing to Cape Patterson via Drouin where I join some of the crew, after attending a friend's 19th, we arrived only 15 minutes before the big 1. 2. People spewed out onto the street after the town's fireworks were let off right in front of my car bonnet by some middle-aged hooligan. As the assortment of young party-goers stumbled onto the streets and visited 1 of 8 parties going on, we covered every inch of that place acquainting ourselves with the girls (no I did not pick up)and my underage mates being pulled over by the continual presence of police at this seaside town. Oh, and I was lucky enough to walk in on a girl giving some scruffy surfie guy a blowjob on the boardwalk. Sheer hilarity! This was as close as I got to anything "sexual" that night. Kept bumping into them throughout the night and received the evil-eye too many times to care.

As the sun rose and I continued drinking, watching some drunken girl skinny dipping with her daro friends that I accidentally got caught up with, we all managed to crash in my car down on the boat ramp in the end. Incriminating photos here. Awaking an hour later, my mate, Lobido, drove my car back home (although he passed out not too long beforehand). I tend to have a habit of waking up still pissed hence an E.R. Driver. And whilst I was inebriated, I gave much thought to my resolutions for the year. It's a fair load but it gives me goals to work towards:
Soccer and tennis. Miss the days when I use to play and I need to get out more for the sake of my own fitness. Dry-hard tennis freak in the making here. Look out Leyton.
Volunteer in the SES. Something I've always wanted to do. Compared to the days when I was in the CFA, I think the SES might be a little better as it is more than just fires, burnt toast and kittens up trees.
Dancing, ballroom that is. Another thing I've always wanted to do. Always been wanting to learn how to dance so I can ~~meet some hot spunky young thing~~ learn the proper way and maybe invest in competitions. Paul Mecurio, look out.
Airforce. Not permanent, but something on the side. We'll see what eventuates there and more said about that another time.

Looking back on the night that was, and the year for that matter, there was fulfillment. And there was closure. I looked around at what the first day of 2005 looked like, an indicator of what's ahead. The prediction? Change, big changes, and exciting ones too.

Bloggers On Turps

2005-01-15T17:08:00.000+11:00

We came, we met, we discussed, drank, exchanged details and stumbled home.

Deciding to take a short cut through Rod Laver Arena whereby I jumped some fences and gates McGyver style, (geez that places has crap security - exciting to be lurking around there on the eve of the big tournament though!)But anyway I was attempting on walking to Richmond station in the most direct line possible from Flinders St. where I subsequently had to face waiting for my train longer than I expected and in doing my walk, I thought back to the how I got in this predicament in the first place.
Melbourne Grogblogging 2005. What a spectacular night it was. The only shit, shit, shit thing about it was the music. Great selection but too GODDAMN loud. Ugh. I would've thought we would go to a quiet place where we can actually *hear* each other's words of wisdoms. Alas, it wasn't. I swore the music was cranked up more as the night went on, unless it was that "white rum with peach nectar" that got to me..or whatever the hell it was. Mighty fine drink. So at the end of it all, I'm just hoping I nodded my head and said yes and no in all the right places. No really - I did hear what people had to say, barely.

All in all, I was impressed and hopefully I impressed others with my "underground blog". "Ohh, I haven't heard of yours?" or "Ohh I think I've seen your link on the sidebar of Agent Fareevader's blog" were common remarks as we all tried to see in the dark each other's texta scibbled name tags. Don't know how many times I felt stupid or self-conscious peering at someone's chest, especially if said person was female.
At times, the anxiety peaked as thoughts of what others would think ran through the mind, how they would perceive you, or write about you in their blogs. But after, some beers, it was just all cruisy. Much talking ensued as with the drinking. It was fantastic to finally put faces to blogs and names to faces. Or finally see in the flesh alleged "blog celebrities" after hearing so much around the circuit. Obviously too, a many new acquaintance was made and some details exchanged. I am kicking myself though for not actually having the forethought to ask if I can link people up in my humble, easily-missed links section over there on the right. There were some snazzy people out and about last night, not to mention the very fit bloggers of the female persuasion.
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Big hellos to the following people:
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Alex over at The Triumvirate; great to put a face to the blog I've heard a lot about.
The always smiling and charming blondey Carly at Melbourne Tales; enjoyed our conversation.
James at The Emanated Text; how's your head going dude? You were trashed!
Buck Fudd, sorry I didn't get to talk to you longer. Bruce over at The Spin Starts Here. You funny bugger! Thoroughly enjoyed our convo about all things film stunts, picking up women, and other assorted shite we covered. You're a top conversationalist and glad to make the acquaintance. Ill be sure to keep an eye out on your blog! Tillops at Profiles In Cowardice. Bloody good yarn throughout the streets of Melbourne in the early hours of the morning Post Grogblogging. You're another good conversationalist. Deschi at MelbourneHumanFemale; I'm still amused by your inventive use of a make-up case! You were pretty groovy as was Ms. Fits at Reasons You Will Hate Me whom, I spoke to briefly but not as long as preferred. And from what I've heard and saw last night, she is as popular, gorgeous and has a celebrity-status to the blogging world akin to that of Audrey Hepburn to Hollywood in her day and age. And speaking of which, the equally attractive JellyFish whom I shared a delightful satisfaction of munching into Maccas on Elizabeth St whilst I admitted "crying like a baby to the ending of most films". I just noticed you wrote that up on your blog. Oops! HAH. Oh..and then there was her differentiation exercise between left and right with writing left and right on either of her feet in Ballet! Genius! Nar you're a spunky young woman who holds a delightful chat and is quite humorous. Oh, and nice to meet you Mel, I can't quite remember what we spoke about as memories of the night are faded here and there. As I also had a brief chat to Adam 1.0, about something or rather but that's vague too. I remember him punching a green Santa Claus hat or something. Must've been the subtle effects of Melbourne Bitter at play.

Sod it...to the whole lot of you, you're all fine people. Thank you for making the night worth it and an applause to my old mate Agent Fareevader along with Ms Fits, The Supermaercado Project and More Australian Ramblings for their organisation of the night. I know there are others I'm forgetting amidst the plethora of URL's, emails, blog names, and lack of sleep; I am sorry if I missed you. Must update my links sidebar too. Seen I have all the time in the world between now and March, I will browse all blogs and work on clicking on the "Comments" link and familiarise myself with all you good people's blogs, rants, ideas, debacles and shit-slings.

Hell, I might even save my pennies for Sydney Grogblogging II.

Grogblogging - Melbourne Style

2005-01-14T15:48:00.000+11:00

All other posts on hold!

After much reported success from the Grogblogging scene at Sydney a while back, now it is Melbourne's turn. Rather terrifying to think in a way we'll all be congregating in the one spot but yet an excitement simultaneously. One hopes to make a many new acquaintances, friends, and preferably; potential partners for the near future. I've devoted my money aside in order to piss it up to high heaven tonight down in the CBD with other fellow esteemed bloggers, readers, curious on-lookers and a bigger ratio of ladies to men. On closer inspection of the above image you'll see the people behind this event. HEM being on the right there under my blog links. If interested, check out his blog, as this event is more widely documented and contains links to the rest of the crew behind it. I look forward to a prestigious-yet-casual-yet-damn-well superb evening with fine people at their pissed best. I included. After some drinks, or 30, Ill overcome my writer's block then. See you there!

"Friends" - A Tribute & A Farewell

2004-11-30T23:02:00.000+11:00

In 1994, TV changed for the better with the advent of a new sitcom series from Warner Brothers called "Friends". For the following 10 years from this point on, TV improved vastly, particularly on our Monday nights. Worldwide, over a 100 million people tuned into it. Beginning such crazes like the "Rachel Hairdo", and sayings like "I'm soo over that" and "Ohhh myyy goddd", it would soon go on to become the highest rating TV show of all time and reigns the number one television show.

Set in New York, it circled around 6 characters who are close-knit friends in their 20's living in their Manhattan apartments who deal with such things that concern young adults like dating, relationships, marriage, sex, children amongst other things that come with life itself. Whilst on the side, these three men and three women gather frequently at each other's apartments or the sofa at Greenwhich Village's "Central Perk" coffeehouse.

First of, Monica Geller (Courtney Cox Arquette) the chef has an obsession with neatness and perfection in her life. During the series, she marries Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry) whose incredibly dry wit leads him to never be at loss for words. His sarcasm is pure gold at times and provides comic relief in its purest. Across the hallway in their apartment building, is Joey Tribioni (Matt LeBlanc). A womanising actor who works on "Days Of Our Lives", he comes from an Italian background who is lovable in his own way and it could often be pondered if he has more of a love for his food than women. Monica's ex-roommate, Phoebe Buffet (Lisa Kudrow) is the offbeat, waif, eccentric, eternally optismistic folk singer and massage therapist who is the utimate dumb blonde. Monica's hapless brother, Ross Geller (David Schwimmer) is the nerdy man-boy who works as a paleontology professor and has been divorced three times and use to be romantically invovled with Rachel Green (Jennifer Aniston). Rachel is incredibly popular girl with great looks where every girl wants to be her, and every man wants to be with her. (On a sidenote, she's my idea of an intelligent woman whom I would like to settle down with at some stage).

I tried in vain to find some script excerpts and guides but in a huge anti-piracy busy, Warner Brothers has combed most internet servers and taken down the scripts from each season. But if you happen to be true "Friends" fan, some great memories from the show will come to mind with their hilarious circumstances and one-liners.

Never did I batter an eyelid when the final of "Buffy" went to air. Nor did I do the same with "The Practice" very recently, albeit Noah's death in "Home & Away" a little while back. But, as soon as "Friends" started, the tear jerking began for me with that accompanying ear throbbing. It was time to say goodbye to what could be, a big part of my life.

Explaining further before you consider me a sufferer of C.O.S. (Celebrity Obsession Syndrome), "Friends" became a show that I could relate a lot to in my life. It's my idea of life. To have friends in close proximity to me where you can share those good and bad moments of life with means an insatiable priceless amount to me. The idea of that security, that supportship, companionship, and above all, friendship grows more important to me as I grow up. Not to mention, the shows setting of New York City grabbed my strong interest in the place and consequently let me fantasize what it would be like when I get there. Also I have friends of my own who can be likened to these 6 characters, especially the one who looks like Chandler. (Hah - you know who you are). Or the fact I myself has even been likened to Chandler's character traits, although it says here I'm more like Rachel. Go figure. Or maybe I grew up experiencing my teenage years with a strong attachment to the show because of what I could relate to the show myself in my own life at the time. Or the fact that I discovered the show from a girl I got with at my cousin's 16th birthday party that I had my first kiss with and subsequent sexual encounter of the first kind. Better still, Ross's longing to be with Rachel throughout the entire show perpetuates my own wanting to be with a certain female friend in my own life.
For whatever reason it was, it became a part of my life and routine viewing on a Monday night. Just wasn't the same without watching it. I wasn't alone either, my parents began to enjoy it as well and together it was one of those rare moments we watched TV together and enjoyed the lives of each of these characters

It was TV at it's best. The fact it was the highest rating and all time number one TV show, goes to show a lot have similar sentiments to me. Watching the final episode for the first time a bit over a week ago - and yes, I have watched it more than once and yes, it has taken me a week to settle down from it all; but watching it with teary eyes on that night it was a chapter in my life I was saying goodbye too, along with many other viewers. For us, they weren't just six characters in a sitcom we watched, but utimately, over those magnificent last 10 years, they had become our friends too.

Goodbye and Farewell "Friends", you will be sadly missed.

Lead Balloon

2004-11-17T01:40:00.000+11:00

Floating above life, death beckons to pull me down.
Maybe one day you'll know what it's like to have to choose.
One day Ill fly away..for I've all seen the beggar in us begging for a chance.
For no one has seen it in me.
Get a job and walk a mile in their shoes - maybe then you might know what it's like.
Mary read the paper today and heard about Tom. He's plea to the masses wasn't heard.
He nearly lost his head, soon to be dead. Motorbike gone, brains spilling.
The blood dribbled on the road, I wanted to play with it in the rain.
I was there and saw it all; helper, prayer, but helpless. Maybe you know what it's like to have to choose.
Seeing a strong man cry makes me weep. Once to look upto, now to look down on.
Sitting on the corner looking at the wheels spinning. Thinkng up some shit and ending up dead. Domestics Im told, hugs I can't give, no one hears, what's it's like.
The drumbeat stirs my imagination. Wakens my thoughts. Reality to it's sleep.
Sometimes I fear the uncertainly. Let the fear take the wheel and steer.
Whatever tonight brings, I may not be there. The water over wine, onto the wheel and drive. Like that dream that ate me away.
Open eyes, arms folded - you won't be there. One word can say it all. Nothing you would say.
No tomorrow. No temptation. To give in to the idea would consume the day I feel good.
Like every child, I should sit and listen. Look right through me. Heavy and still.
Like a lead balloon.

Take It All Away

2004-11-10T01:30:00.000+11:00

Fuck everything. I'm over it. There's point in fighting. There's no point in trying. There's no hope. Fuck it all I say.

Fuck the lot of it. I'm so sick of everything I haven't been this annoyed, this frustrated, disappointed, saddened, angered, paranoid, rageful, depressed, odd for a long time. Actually, I have no been this bad at all.

Well-Being
Something's seriously getting to me. Maybe it's stress or lack of sleep or something, I don't know because I'm never good at really detecting if I'm stressed until it's too late and I fall to pieces.
On one drunken night I get severely depressed so badly I started writing about how I felt which I've never done before. The other four I was with, each of them had paired up with each other either as attendees to a party over the road there in the Caravan Park or chatting each other up, leaving me by myself. Doesn't matter where I am, I often myself as the *extra* person, the odd numbered one. Weird. Maybe that night it was a mixture of too much Vodka mixed with too much Calamari and sauce and drinking from the night before, but I was about to throw it all up. I wanted to desperately. I always want to throw up when I'm stressed as a way of relieving myself. I remember the next night, our final night, was suppose to be grand and joyful but it diminished as soon as went to the beach. I set the blankets up so we could sit around in a semi circle but instead everyone (the two pairs) ended up cuddling on it and putting the blanket over themselves. What the hell was the point of going to the beach? So here I was, sitting on the sand with a bourbon in hand, watched these couples either massage each other, canoodle, get cozy and basically have their own conversation. Again, I'm the odd one out. Things just worsened and I stormed off after a friend thew a glass at my leg because I pissed him off. I ended up collapsing in some drain there on the beach, gazing into the heavens. The peace. The stillness. Soothing.
I froze up, I cried my eyes out and thought about everything. The impossible career that's facing me and whether Ill get to Hollywood or not. The older I'm getting, the more passionate I become about it but it seems so far away. What will I do too when my parents die? This was what really upset me. I am an only child and there is only myself. Always has been and always will be. Our clan of the four of us here in this family, when they go, that's it. It will just be me. Then of course, I lamented over having a partner.

Love and Sex
What must I do to get a girl? Who really gives a shit right about my love issues? Just another person whining about love right? Well, I just want a partner. That's it. I want intimacy, companionship, I'm lonely, and want someone to be there who's closer to me than a friend is. Ion also severely sexually frustrated and have been prior to the break up with my ex even. 8 months of tension. Bleh.
I know I've covered this before but it worsens each day to the point where it depresses me slightly to see other couples or people who can easily pick up. I don't understand what's wrong with me or if IMHO doing something wrong....8 months and not one thing has happened. Really...Why is it so hard for me to get someone?
It also doesn't help that I've been clucky lately. Yes clucky. Ever since I was really young, I always wanted a family, especially kids. Maybe it was my way of dealing with having no brothers or sisters. I barely got lonely when I was little though. Always had things to do, friends, and enjoyed being an only child. But now I'm getting older, I would kill to have a sister. A lot would say I wouldn't want one, but you have no idea unless you feel the way I do. So nowadays, I see kids and the cluckiness goes off like a rocket in me. I can imagine myself doing a lot, but for some reason the image of me having a family can sometimes be faint or the strongest image I can see in my mind. Being 21, it's set a lot of things off in me. Maybe I'm becoming Ally McBeal-esque in regard to my biological clock and will start seeing that dancing baby. God forbid. What am I talking about? I don't even have a girlfriend for the moment.
And so, this is what upset me on that night in the drain. I walked back, and one pair of friends were still under the blanket. I was upset that no one rang me or SMS me to see if I was ok, so, me being the drunken depressed person I can be at very rare times, I pretended to be highly intoxicated and had a coughing fit (which wasn't acting every since I became sick a while ago). What did my mate do? Just turn me on my side and that was it. He went back to the bundle of blankets and kept chatting to his 15 yo floosey. Usually, you would take care of someone if they were *drunk* and place blankets around them or take them back home so they're ok. Alas, this wasn't the case. So I stumbled home to my bunk bed in the caravan and shut my eyes in the darkness.

University
I'm over that too. It's fucked really. Past two days I've had no work to do, yet we have less than two weeks to complete the most complicated 3d film that has been made to date at the campus. Yet I have no work because apparently they don't have any to give to me. I'm a duck out of water, normally I would be submerged in work at this time of the year, I've been like this ever since 2000. I'm a workaholic and need my work!
Skipping all of the technical issues at hand, the way this production has been approached is fucked. The computers crash, the software crashed or can't render our work because of the way the work has been constructed. It's all unstable. I don't know how many times I've seen that little error window come up telling of the program terminating. Maybe I feel odd too because I'm not the director of this film? I've thanked God I'm not as the shit that is going on...I would've gone over the edge. I think I did the right thing due to the state I'm in where I've burnt out a bit. IM so weak these days. Id rather sit back as Assistant Director and see the main Director fret from stress anytime.
A majority of the people too in my class will not fucking cooperate or collaborate, nor are they committed. The Three C's. Very important I think in any project. It's just not happening really. IM not passionate about it anymore nor do I care. For me this is quite unusual as normally I hang on to a project, even if it takes a year to make like my first film. Not to mention, the project manager expects us to stay at the computer at all times and drink lots of coffee and just work. Fuck that. If anyone is familiar with all-nighters is me. After all the films and art-related projects I've spent many a night on, one thing I realise these days is how important it is to practice OHS. I made an oath to myself at the start of the year I will never do all-nighers from there on, and IM sticking by it. It's just not healthy.
I doubt the film will be finished on time and looking the way we all wanted it to look. IM disappointed. Let it be a learning experience I guess. But IM pissed so much because I wanted to finish on a high this year and this film is becoming just one big pain in the fucking arse. I really don't care about it anymore, IM too drained, too weak to really put that effort in. I started to but then no one really embraced it and gave my something substantial to do. So sod 'em. I could kick all their arses if I really put my mind to it, but right now, I can barely do the most mundane of things.

Career
Another thing that is eating away at me is the fact that now is the time to start my career. IM over Uni a bit, not that I will drop out before the course is over. I was walking around the nearby shopping centre last week and saw people working back late and I thought to myself, "Hey, I wouldn't mind doing that". Unlike when I was 16 or so and worked as a Checkout Chick at Target, or as a Paper Boy in Yr. 12 delivering real estate papers in the local region - I've had a huge maturing since then where I want to work and prove my skills, test them in the arena. Again, with the age I am, it's enough about dreaming having that career, now I must make it happen. Seize and strive. My final year of Uni eases off next year where we attend once a week (apparently) so IM certainly not vegging around at home. I want to get out there. As a result, Ill be booking myself in for a Responsible Service of Alcohol and Gaming License soon and hopefully acquire a night job of such from there. On top of that, next year, I want to get a day job somewhere. IM not really fussed (except for goddamn fast food places, no food). Maybe somewhere like fashion, home and garden, music, electronics store, or something else. Better still, I will try for the film industry as a *goer* down at Docklands new studios and I certainly want to try at Ch. 9 in Richmond there. Always favored working for them. On top of this, I will try for the animation\visual effects industry, especially at two places I have had my keen eye on. And finally, in my spare time, I will work my arse off on a showreel to send off around the world come this time next year. Luckily I know a guy at Fox Studios (who worked on Shrek 2) who has friends at Weta in NZ and other places across the globe. My main aim is to be employed with Weta and work on post production of Peter Jackson's remake of King Kong or his next film, The Hobbit. Long shot, but IM determined. Must improve my work.

Spontaneous Human Combustion
Today I felt like I was going to spontaneously combust on the Spencer St platform. Things have building up in my head since I started the Pre-21st Life Crisis Series of posts. Everything is so goddamn irritating. The way the old 50-something Greek guy in Seven Eleven across the road from my Uni greets me when I walk into the store with my two Greek mates. I know he doesn't like me. Just because I walk in there only to warm up my pizza bun and not buy any of his stuff, opting to run down the street to my favorite pie shop for their sausage rolls instead. Plus the fact too that IM not Greek, he seems quite partial to the others. IM sick of waking up and feeling like shit, IM sick of running late for the train, sick of how I feel like IM an unco walking down the street cos everyone looks at me, and ESPECIALLY fed up with fucking people gazing at me as I eat my food in public. Piss off and get over my wonderful tasting potato cake or dim sim. Go buy your own.
Goddamn tram drivers too...they always slam on their brakes consistently, strange though, because the Caucasian drivers seem to drive well. Not being racist, but really, what is with a good majority of tram drivers who are Indian in origin slamming those brakes? I've always taken close eye of who the driver is and how they drive and what is on the road as a result of knowing people who are tram crazy and drive them. But enough about that. IM sick of my fuggin spelling mistakes in this post. IM sick of fucking metros, bogans, white collar workers, blue collar workers, old people, young people and ESPECIALLY fucking people who come to an abrupt stop in the middle of the path. Inconsiderate again!
Sick to death of fucking annoying ads on TV too, ESPECIALLY car ads, banks ads, real estate ads, that FUCKING HEARD THROUGH THE GRAPE VINE JINGLE, and IM REALLY SICK OF THESE THINGS TOO:

Hillary *IM a skanky fucktard* Duff
Black rappers (I like some but C'mon, they are all the fucking same and don't have anything amazing to offer. Same shit over and over. This not only applies to rappers, but rock bands as well like The OffSpring, Good Charlotte and all those try-hard bands. I've actually skimmed 3 radio stations simultaneously and each song by a different artist is exactly the same. Shit you not).
All Saints (fucking hope all those characters get killed off ASAP and free us from such a depressing show. Trust me, I tried to get into it with assistance from an ex-gf but no...NO I say. Die now All Saints).
Blue Heelers (much the same applies as above)
Michael *IM trying my hardest to cash on how *funny* I was on "The Castle" Caiton
People saying how great The Castle is. It's overrated like sport is.
Dancing With The Stars (Daryl, please stop referring to Hey Hey like it's still on. Get rid of the girl too with all the teeth. Get rid of the band. Also get rid of the judges, bloody stupid how they *always* give 6 or 7 as a score. Rarely high or low. Same old, same old. Get rid of most of those fucktarded celebrities. Except Rebecca Cartwheel, she's hot, except for the squeaky voice).
Ex-cricket players doing advertisements for hair or air conditioners. (You all suck at doing sales pitches and should never been seen on TV).
Australian Idol (don't EVER get me started on this).
~~Gay~~ Guy Sebastian (What's so good about him?).
Shannon *dickface* Knoll (Need I say more?).
Remakes of songs, books, films, and whatever else they feel necessary to remake again for your annoyance. (It's one thing to recycle, but it's another to do remakes).
Whiny Teeny Emo Punky Boy Bands (even when their balls drop, assuming that it will happen *some day*, they will still make shit music that is a waste of space on the airwaves and CD shelves in the music stores).
Fucking Dada Armani clothing range. Brings out the skank\bogan in all of us. Shit, shit, shit brand. You look like a bag of shit.
Britney Spears' new frangrance. ("Brings out the skank in you")
..and fucking Politics (really now, who gives two shits about it? It bores the fuck out of a good majority of people, yes it might be important but no need to shit on about it. Debates, discussions, protests, activists, rebuttals, analysis, reviews, interviews, they don't get anywhere. STFU with it all and get a life. Everywhere people go on and on and on and on....UGH. SHUT...UP. There's nothing you can do about it, without any power at least or a prominent position of authority. But then again, opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one).

Finally..Inconsiderate People
Is anyone considerate anymore? This is fucking pissing me off that everyone hasn't either been taught by their parents, put it to use, or just too goddamn ignorant to use the simple things that can really make someone's day. Absolutely amazing what a simple "Hey, how are you", "Are you ok?", or "What you been upto?" can really mean to someone. IM one of those people and don't care if one single arsehat thinks IM upper class, petty, pathetic or have a plethora of hang-ups. It's called fucking decency and courtesy. What has happened to it? I've always tried my best to make sure I say hello to people, ask them how they are, and what they've been upto. It's the right thing to do and basic social etiquette. Occasionally it may have slipped but hey, sue me alright, IM human. But what really shits me up the wall is how no one either answers my questions, or they can't ask me back.
It's like helping people too. You go out of your way sometimes to help someone, but when you're in need of it? Not a f'n chance of it dickface. FUCKING HATE FUCKING INCONSIDERATE, RUDE, IGNORANT PEOPLE. I've dealt with it for a long time and thought surely it would catch on, or they might wake up to it, but it's something that is very important too because I believe courtesy and decency are important things - but looks like maybe a good majority of people are fuckign ignorant slobs who couldn't give a rat's arse. Everywhere I go, it's there. It's not just one place, at one time with one person - EVERYWHERE. As for these excuses, oh I wasn't thinking or Oh.....*no comment* fuck off. More often that not, this kinda of inconsiderate behavior won't help you to get a job, present a good representation of yourself nor excel your reputation in the job arena, nor anywhere else. I just can't fucking understand it. All of this applies to honesty as well, another very important character trait to me. I fucking hate bike-biting, clandestine messages, back-stabbing, if you've got something to say to my face, bloody well say it. Ill think of you more. Don't say behind my back what you wouldn't say to my face.
Since I've turned 21, increasingly there are more and more things that I consider very important, and courtesy, considerateness, decency, and basically just good manners is something that should be done more in my opinion. Especially in this world. Maybe some of my Mum is rubbing off on me, highly likely, but that's not a bad thing. IM not one to lecture people at the tea table and how to use their cultlery or get their elbows off the table (shit I do it myself), but you know - these little things can make all the more difference and has been proven to make the basis of a good humanitarian.

Now - I am content getting all that out. Who knows if things will get worse. Currently my brain is pouring out my nose and IM sick as a fucking dog..again. But concluding on everything I've said, and for all those dishonest people out there, this is for you.

"If any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now is the fucking time!"

Music Soothes The Savage Beast

2004-11-05T03:56:00.000+11:00

So sue me, I've been having a life and barely been surviving it. But in two weeks time Ill shall be finishing up from Uni for the year and so much discussion will be hurtling forth at such an astounding speed; you're cable connection won't be able to handle it. Posts to keep an eye out for in the nearby future are:

Emotional 21st Celebrations
Fuck-tarded Uni Shit
Moving out of home
Job hunting
Breakdowns
Melbourne Cup and Oake's Day
Degenerating health
Shit-house film projects

I need a hug. Sex. Sleep. A job. And a holiday.

Melbourne's Premiere Entertainer - The Sonic Manipulator

2004-10-08T01:16:00.000+10:00

Amidst the shuffling in Melbourne's CBD of office workers, Uni students, homeless people, contstruction workmen and other various assortments of colourful Melbournians that grace the streets, an eerie spaceship sound is heard. It's bizarre squeal can be heard throughout Melbourne as it pulsates and resonates throughout the concrete jungle, loud enough for commuters to prick their ears and ask, "What the hell is that sound? Where's it comin from?"

Exiting Flinders. St as I do everyday, I'm normally confronted with what is making the sound and hearing the questioning as to where the sound is coming from. Enter this guy...

Usually residing on the corners of Flinders St. and Swanston St. or Swanston St. and Collins St is The Sonic Manipulator - my favourite street performer. This brilliant street theatre-cum-soundworks can be discovered on every second day and if you can't find him? Don't worry - just follow the noise and crowd.

He ropes in the numbers of curious onlookers, amused passer-bys, and any other walks of life that just happen to be within hearing range. He's dynamic presentation of Karaoke-like dancebeats with electronic sound manipulation puts a smile on everyone's face. You could have the shittest of days, and this guy would cheer you up.

I have no idea exactly how he does it but it seems various electronic pads, buttons, balls, sticks, gadgets, knobs are twisted, pushed, pulled, turned by this guy to perform reendtions of music from The Sound Of Music, UFO music, familiar pedestrian\elevator\shopping centre music, whatever - even a fire engine that passed by on the day I took photos of him. I'm a huge fan of beat-boxing so I'm addicted to this guy!
One day, Ill try to interview this guy, whoever he is, and see exactly why he does it, how he had the idea, if he's a professional street performer or just a person struggling to get an extra buck or two. If you ever come across this guy, give him some money, have a good listen and if impressed, buy his CD for $20. I know I plan to!
Photos found here

- Around The Blogsphere -

2004-10-06T19:59:00.000+10:00

This is an overview of what's going on with other people's blogs, whose decided to jump on the bandwagon, and the current status of these people's blogs that I have linked on my own, and visit daily with fervor. This will be a mid-year review of the blogs I find funny, empowered by, and highly amused to an extreme caliber.

"Ogie - The Insane (The Mad Have Come Home)*

Since it's birth late March of this year, it has slowly plotted along amidst the throws of it's author who has had had a topsy turvey life of late - but it is shaping up to be a decent blog of sorts. The author has been a long time mate of mine for at least 8 years now, and have been through thick and thin. He's take on life is unique and can often be labeled melodramatic, pessismistic, and dramatic. But fact is, things are written often how they are felt by him.
Since conception his posts have looked at everything from insomnia to insanity, marriage to Metallica, boredom through to bitching, job seeking, being fired, mental pain, and petrol issues.
The author's journey through life has been long and hard: underestimated by a lot, understood by a few. Consequently, his approach to life and the things that come with it, is unique unto him and unlike anything I've seen before in someone. This abounds in his posts but he does limit his expression and detail to something minimal. It could be said that he's a "typical Aussie battler out in the sticks" but throw in a psychological roller coaster, internet addiction, and a troubled young man and you get a blog that is worthy of your time and thriving with potential to become something good. With closer attention to the layout template, post topics, and content in general, he may well have a real good blog that shows the other side to life that is experienced by some, but survived by few.

"Words Of Madness"

The fiance of the aforementioned blogger, I became friends with her through him and subsequently have been friends since. She has a similar outlook to her other half, and tends to have her a blog as a way of dealing with whatever it is that's on her mind. Incessant ramblings some might regard them, even the author herself, but even the most mundane of things can be touching and thought-provoking. Her life nearly involves the same interests as her beloved fiance, hence why you could say they are together. They battle the shit and face another day. Life fluctuates as much as a thermometer gauge caught between a fire cauldron and an Antarctic freeze outside it - in one post things are good and looking up, next it's full of drama, turmoil, and shite that can be done without. Some may regard her blog as a whinge (like she does) and some may find it blatantly boring, but if you look closer, you may find there is something worthwhile there. If you do check it out, comment on the damn thing too. What one person may find boring, someone may find touching, intriguing, and more often than not, an insight into one person's life that overrules any soap opera. But most importantly, it presents the survival of this life, of her life, where most people would have abandoned a long time ago but she still holds on and treasures it.

"Sunday Of My Life"(formerly the blog known as The Insane-O-Matic)

2003 years after Jesus was born, this blog had it's advent. Another long-term mate of mine for 8 years, he started his online jounal in the hot summer of Christmas once his fellow bloggers like myself had started up.
The author lives on just the other side of town from me, we're similar but vastly different. He's more prone to be at the computer which sees his blog updated regularly since he made an oath to do so of late. He's close relationship with his sisters has seen many a post about them and gives you an idea of what's like being the only male in the house (apart from his father). This blog is one that blends in and out of styles and could be about anything from his love of cooking to his condemnation of those responsible at the Microshat empire for Powerpoint, through to his sensitive sense of smell for fumes and other dis\pleasantries. Although his blog may not be to the liking of a large majority of your Average Jo readers out there, it would nonetheless, I'm betting, be appreciated by those who know him and share similar thoughts. His gift for "useless trivia" is astounding, occasionally annoying, but interesting eitherway. Like anyone, some posts may have flopped like his tale of a D&D related character, Rien, but his rants about his famed next door neighbor is quite humorous, and his disgust for a Tafe teacher he belovingly calls " Fuckrag" is understanding but amusing simultaneously. He has sampled the work place and undergone some beguiling shenanigans that, although, has got him on his "high horse", has matured him for future employment and opened his eyes to the world, and the workplace at hand (in my humble opinion). From his own sense of the world around him and what goes on, it shows through in his blog posts. It started small but with encouragement from others, it is starting to slowly bloom into something that resembles a diverse engagement of life seen through the eyes of a cooking, comedy-loving, D&D playing, geek who's proud of who he is. Blood good on him I say. If there's going to be one geek who shall inherit the Earth, and be his own person, then it's this man.

"Living Is The Most Dangerous Thing We Can Do"

A mouthful to say and impossible to say in a rush, this guy is the newest one out on the circuit. An old friend of a few years from the days of college, he decided to partake in blogging because he figured it would be a good way to get it off his chest. Young in it's age (a couple of weeks in fact), he has blogged about his first party and the unusual events that proceeded the night that I previously covered a while back. Tonight he's just posted about his parents posing curfews over him...at the age of 19. Give this guy a go, he's a smart chap, and needs encouragement to get his blog up and off the ground.

*Hecho En Mexico*

I'm somewhat hesitant to give an overview of this one, it just seems so epic in it's maturity, experience, and is overpowering for the magnitude of popularity this blog has received, not to mention it's fan base.
This guy, like the 3 I've mentioned, has been a mate of mine for 8 years as well but the first and foremost of these friends I came across. He has been blogging for a fair while now and has grown from an amateurish blogger to a writer whose writing style is a continual inspiration to myself and others, perhaps also an envy of ours. His care can be clearly seen in the way he constructs his posts carefully and respects the reader with proper grammar and the occasional tantalising tid-bits that adds humour to the most mundane or serious of issues.
He's outstanding passion for trains, Bhangra, Dancehall, DJ-ing, photography, amongst other things, is overwhelming at times and astonishing at the attention he has for detail, fact, and understanding of the topic at hand. This can be evident throughout his blog. This guy lives and breathes trains. Nerdy it maybe, he is rather trendy in many ways (including the blog), and has had many a comeback with his online publication after a series of events caused him to shut them down. He is also concurrently busy with his radio program on community radio station, SYN FM whereby his show debuted last night. Impressive. Not to mention the DJ at my upcoming 21st party this Saturyda. Yay! If this guy were to analyse the blogs he has linked on his blog, God forbid. They are testimony of just how many people like his blog for what it is and how many he takes an active interest in and associates with. Considering there is just too much to mention about this fellow blogger and friend of mine, his blog speaks for itself.
If any blog would be the true representation of blogging genius, it would be his. If any blogger would be the figure-head of all bloggers, this guy would be it. Call me biased, but I like it.

Hot Off Press Film Production Wraps With Flying Colours

2004-10-05T23:36:00.000+10:00

In response to the hot demand from everyone who has been fascinated by this film I'm working on and throwing questions over my way about it, here is what most of you have been eagerly waiting for.

Friday September 24th - 9am: Unfortunately due to circumstances, I was the only director to be present at the shoot. (the other having to desperately work for the day). Feeling like an old man (I HATE getting up early, except for when it comes to a production of sorts), I was confronted with a number of issues already. Ugh - I had just woken up from riding the train into Spencer St, proceeded by stretching on the 112 tram to St. Kilda. "Where do you want the lights", "Where do you want the camera?", "Where are the props?". Argh, my aching brain! Then the main actor, the only actor, arrived half an hour late. Then the Producer (at the time) is the official stresshead of the production wasn't too happy with the late arrival, not to mention my "supposed" late arrival of "one whole hour" which was a crock anyway.
All in all, the day was fucking shit simply. Our location was suggested by Louis (the lecturer at the time for we doing the Digital Film Production module at our Uni). He offered the underground carpark to the other Director and I (yes, we're doing a Cohen Brothers style direction of this film). Now, the issue was born here subsequently.
One person was placed in charge of finding a location, they failed to do so to the point where the Council of their area, would hang up on them. Once holidays came, I thought the film had better hurry along and I would see if I could find a location. That I did - a brilliant decrepit old house just 5 minutes away from my house. On top of that, with thanks to Film Victoria, I liasioned with the managers of the Melbourne Cemetery and got all the locations sorted out, organised, set in concrete, ready to go. But then our lecturer suggest the underground carpark because we don't have to woory about power access, have his help nearby, and it's central for everyone. Both of us decided it would only be good for a practice run of sorts...but, as the day progressed, everyone decided this is it, this is our location. A underground carpark that has to pass as room? Sod off.
We were going out on a limb here. Admin came down stairs and said we were going "all out on this one" in comparison to the other group who had a few shots in a studio to do. As always, there was a bloody fight about the lighting. I wanted it the other corner of the room to be done at the end of the carpark but one person whinged about having to set it up all again, matching it, and then precariously making it fit in. A lot of people liked the other corner, but time was the basis of the argument and it was settled we film in one location the whole film, and if we had time, to the other corner.
We were shooting a couple or so "simple" shots at the rate of an hour or so. Stress levels were rising dramatically. This, and the lack of sleep led to the debacle over our location shenangigans. I hate film producers, really do sometimes. They sparked the raging inferno by saying we're doing the film here and that's it. "Woah!!! Hang on a minute, we already have locations elsewhere! All organised and everything", I cried out. Leading on, crew members "ganged" up on me as rebuttal flared up like an ugly case of hemorrhoids. The other lecturers came down to settle it, I was so frustrated with everyone I was nearly crying (which is a first for me strangely enough). I detached myself and sat in the corner, buttoned my beak, and cooled down before saying I would regret later. Of course, the producers took over then as if they were the Goddamn directors (one of them happenign to be the locations manager whom couldn't find a location). The day ended with people shitty, and a the main actor grotty in carpark soot. Following this, were accusations and name-calling and disgruntledness all round.

Flash Forward: Wednesday 29th - The same producer who I had a run-in with before, decided to have a personal attack on me stating I was taking too much credit for the film (well I have contributed significantly, the director, and got locations). This person also stated that they found out I had called them a bitch. I said sorry but I still inferred they were, for they did not stand on my feet on the day, but stomped on them. I was the director. Everything I said\did\the direction I gave, was seriously undermined and neglected. That pissed me right off. I say "Oh the camera is great, leave it jus there", or "The lighting is fantastic, don't touch it" - someone would bastard would always come along and move them! My position was undermined and that's why I cracked it. The person then asked why didn't I talk to them about it but the thing was, if they didn't listen to me in the first place, why now? I wasn't going to talk to anyone, I was about to storm out. Films require cooperation, cooperation breeds collaboration. It shitted me too that a lot of people in this class want to settle for something that's mediocre, second rate, haph-hazard, and not put everything they have into making an extraordinary film. They lack passion I think. Then there was bitching of how they had to drive all the way out to Pakenham (Shit! Its one hour from Melbourne, straight up the Hwy and train line. It was for one day of the week. If they can travel to Uni 4 days of the week, then they can do just this ONE day). At the time, I felt it was a fucking popularity contest. I tend to be radical, different, and highly unique in my aspects of approach, thought, and manner at times, but everyone in my class seems to want to settle for the "mainstream" process of thought. They would rather listen to the "cool" people who are easy to interpret, than someone who they fail to understand and don't even begin to try to understand. High School Popularity Contests, eat your heart out.
Meanwhile, the other producer tried to put an end to this this personal shit-slinging feast but I stood my ground and wanted to get it out and clear the air. I was on edge due to the final decision being made regarding our locations. Louis stated the issues regarding the Pakenham location, the lighting, and that it would be good practical experience to go out there and film. Subsequently my fight had won. Position were re-assigned (which was odd I thought). The question came up regarding why they should be two film directors *Insert me rolling my eyes* Daring as I am, I questioned the producers why there should be two of them. One of them responded (the same one I had the run in with), "Well it doesn't matter really for the real question is, why do we need two film directors?" Fucking typical. In the end, that person lost out on being producer (both of them actually) and became make up artist. They were fuming, stomed off to their seat in the corner. Karma baby.

Friday 1st October - 8am: Thank God I had to travel 5 minutes. I met the Set Supervisor and prepared this decrepit ol'house before the calvalry arrived at 9:30am. Photos galore can be found here. Due to the actor being bare-footed, I had to sleep 3 times over the floor (squatters had smashed glass everywhere) and take out the staples from the old carpet insulation.

Filming went fantastic! As the day wore on, so did us, but we were pumping out the shots like a factory of film produce. Curious onlookers from the street starred, slowed down to have a gander and looked bewildered that this quiet old neglected house was booming with activity of that suited to Flinders St. I'm sure this town knows my face for I've done at least a few films around the streets here before. Some friends of mine dropped in throughout the day from across the road to have a peek, and thankfully no one touched the power generator out near the footpath. Only mishaps we had were, blowing up a Tungsten Light, whilst another smoked only for us to be amused by a burning bug that ponged the set with a crisp bug smell. We must've also disturbed a nest of spiders, as some reported them in their hair (including mine) and cropped up everywhere. Then there was the huge ass spider that stomped it's way across the floor as if it were on a mission to kill. An immediate stomp on it with my trusty sneakers prevented it from nearing our actor, who, at that time, was on the floor playing dead!

The day finally wrapped up at 11pm. I had been flat out, as I was now the Assistant Director, Props, continuity Director, and Set Design. I took ALOT of photos, and behind the scenes footage for the DVD release. The power generator wavered the lights just as we finished, perfect timing.

Saturdat 2nd October - 8am: 2 hours of sleep later, I was back on the road, driving out to Melbourne Cemetery. Coming close to falling asleep at the wheel mutiple times throughout the day, I was struggling. By the time I reached Melbourne I was more awake (thank God). Sleeping for half an hour in the car, some extras turned up, followed by a discussion until logistics reared it's ugly head. "I can't leave school with the equipment unless there's written permission", the director told me down the phone line. I staggered off to the main offices and sorted it out with management. Never ever walk the length of Melbourne Cemetery, 3 ovals conjoined it felt like, and with 2 hours sleep in warm temperatures, it doesn't help.
Eventually, the director, cameraman, extras, actors were there at this brilliant spot in the heart of the cemetery that looked like an oasis of sorts surrounded by dead, broken-down, old tombstones, pathways, and trees. I got a starring role in the film whereby I'm holding the hand of the little girl whom is the....well wait till you see the film. The director brought along his 5 year old cousin to play the part. She was such a sweetheart to work with, real cute and was happy to wait around for us to measure the camera, lighting, white balance everything, position trackers, etc. She played her part real well and I felt a connection with her when she was holding my hand, as if I was a father figure. I was in the film but I guess it struck that chord with me of my family plan to have daughters at some stage in life, but I digress. A change came over and the wind belted about our hair and clothes, making the final shot absolutely astoudning. Just how I imagined it.

We wrapped at 2pm that afternoon, feeling at peace that we had done it all. Whether it was the cemetery that did it, but I felt satisfied and peaceful, something I've never felt before when making a film. I have not seen the footage yet, but I will keep things posted on the journey of this film. For anyone who worked on this film, a massive thanks to your collaborative efforts, enthusiastic cooperation, and for all the shit-slinging, rant feasts, and name-calling from our first day - we all pulled together to make, what could be, an astounding short independent film that firmly guarantees a career and asserts us as filmmakers.

Pre-21st Life Crisis - Only The Lonely

2004-10-05T21:42:00.000+10:00

*Best Rant N Spit-Spill To Date. If you don't like it, then fuck off and read something more simplistic*

I've hummed and harred about this post and had many doubts about how I could post it some kind of emotive light. After the advent of my series blogpost life crisis count-downs to my 21st - I thought the time is right now. This is a long over-due post that has been a struggle to compose and structure right. A topic that's very sensitive with me at the moment, the most important, and the closest. This is in no way a post for sympathy, or a vain attempt to get my female readership asking me out. It's something that has made me cried in the past, boiled my blood, troubled my mind, strengthened me, and matured me. Now seems to be the time to post this due to recent D&M's with close friends and media attention on related issues. Not to mention I just want to give up because I've had enough of it all and need to publicise it for my own sake in making it clearer.

I wish I could see where I've gone wrong, or what I'm doing wrong. Sometimes I just want the most simplest things in life, and I can't even have them. Instead I see so many in relationships, and half of them don't even deserve it or shoulnd't be in one.

I've been single for nearly 7 months now. At first, singledom was fantastic. I embraced and relished in every single moment to be free and suit myself. I could walk down the street and perve to my heart's content, gaze around at some of the hot young things parading the streets these days, or be lost in the thought of what it would be like to know that person and be in a relationship with them. Much like thinking about the history of an old toy or a rusty tin in an antique store.

Two months ago this novelty wore off. I don't want to be single anymore. Yeah, I hear you all saying "Well simply just go out and and go clubbing or something". It's impossible to talk to anyone over the music or communicate on any basis. Not to mention all those fucktarded try-hard metrosexuals\fucktarded jocks\fucktarded "cool" guys who can click and girls come racing to them. Another thing that shits me is the fact girls make such a fuss of these guys - "My man is hot! He has such a great six-pack!", "My boy is soooo cute""My guy is sooo hot" What about personality? On a minute scale they might just be lucky, but really, they're cunts. I've seen it\heard it\been complained to\about how the girl thought their guy was great cos he had a six pack, played the guitar, blonde-tips, had a car, nice skin, and great clothes and came across sweet. Then they wonder what happened to their man when he turns around and cheats on them, or turns out to be a wife-beater. Shit, what a surprise there. Wake the fuck up girls, you wouldn't be treated like shit if you weren't so goddamn materialistic. Step back, and think for once about what you're doing and whom you're going after. Half the guys out there are unfaithful turds. Even a pile of shit doesn't deserve them.
I get so easily depressed when I go clubbing these days. As the lights dance across my face, I lean over the balcony with a bourbon in hand watching all of them. Every single one of them. I hate guys, they really piss me off. I've always said that if I went psychotic I would buy a gun and gun down bogans and sleazebags. I bet there's steam I'm snorting out sometimes when I watch some guy who thinks his King Shit of the place, gyrate around the girl, touching her inappropriately, and knowing that he will get sex that night(or so he might think). Or the guy up at a club in Warragul who danced like a male stripper around every single girl. It also fucking pisses me off this facade of acting like a black guy. Why do white guys have to act\dance\talk\ like black guys? If I wasn't such a weak bastard, I would punch them out if I had a physically violent bone in my body. If any one of you guys out there is reading this, grow the fuck up you ridiculous turd. Act yourself so the girl can see you for who you really are - a pathetic looser. Call me old-fashioned, or this a generalisation, but I've seen more than enough in my experiences and know in my beliefs that girls should not be groped so publicly, or treated like "sexual objects". I see it too much in clubs, and it seems to be increasing.

I find it hard to tick. Each day I'm more and more convinved that I will be single for life. One certain person had the cheek to tell me he will be single for a damn long time. He knows who he is. On the contary, if anyone will be single for a damn long time or indefinitely, is I. Friends around me whinge about how they're sick of sex, or how they had sex the night before. All I want sometimes is sex too, no strings attached. Sometimes I want something more than that. But it just DOES NOT HAPPEN. I look around me and see many, many beautiful young things and think to myself that I have no chance. It really depresses me. I've always said that attractive girls have the ugliest boyfriends and vice versa. Guess there's luck for me yet.

Id know...I get like this when I go clubbing most of the time but I never speak out loud about it. I would have a funtime more often than not, but it really fucking niggles me that people think you pick up in nightclubs or other people can and I can't. (No I'm not fat or pimped infested, if you don't believe me, ask for a photo and Ill show you what I look like). Objectively speaking, I have confidence in most things I partake in, except courting\chatting up\whatever the hell it is you wanna call it.

Everyone else I've seen around the LJsphere and Blogsphere has had their rant, and goddammit, I'm entitled to one too. Sod it all. It's pointless...

What's The Deal?

2004-10-01T01:33:00.000+10:00

Many of you have been wondering why this blog isn't updated as much as it should be?

Well..

In short, Im flat knackers on a film production. The last two months have been incredibly hectic in regards to it, and seeing as I'm the Assistant Director (for a change, normally I'm Director); I have had to take care of locations, negotiate with people, prepare a shooting schedule, take care of props and devise them, not to mention the production design of this psychological thriller\horror movie.

We're filming tomorrow here in my hometown of Pakenham in an old decrepit house. It will be a big day with a fight scene to film, blood, one actor and a creature that doesn't exist. So I've been doing a million and one things of late that take high priority than this humble blog (unfortunately,) but I will return with photos of production, what happened, and the domestics leading upto this moment. It's 3am, and I have to be up in 4 hours. I have not forgotten my blog, or anyone, or any topic\rant\shit-spill that needs attending to. They are in the works and once I get this shoot out of the way (finish this Saturday 2nd Oct) then I will be back with many a tale Im sure.

The World Is A Math's Equation

2004-09-14T01:48:00.000+10:00

"Ever seen a portal?"

I could rant and rave for a whole two paragraphs about the bizarre events that have gone on around me. I'm excited, confused, overwhelmed, energized, and at a rut as to how to put it all.

"Like Oh my God, like totally! I sooo can't believe it!" Oh MY GOD!!!11 OMG OMG OMG OMG!"

In essence, I'm wide-eyed like a child. As I thrive as a young filmmaker in this day and age, I witness, somehow, inadvertently, the bizarre eccentricities of this world that amazingly, I always seem to stumble across that continue to inspire and touch me. Even the mundane. The different attract the interesting.

An old friend has gone on to become a priest. A priest! I often fantasize about me telling "Father" in the confessional (if I ever go to it again) about my grievous sins and trespasses that arose from my indulgences in the modern world, not to mention the temptations of the entertainment industry like sex, drugs, and other Hollywood-esque shite.

An old crush is becoming a nun over in Switzerland. I remember the days of posting clandestine notes to her via under the science table for when they (the girl's campus: yes I went to an all boy's school) came over to use our facilities. I've had offers to have a threesome of late, but I know it was a joke. Everyone is sexually crazed. Everywhere I go, I see sex, I hear sex, I see consumption of sex - and here's me, in a void. Drier than the current drought. "Amazing."

Don't get me started on crushes either. They are out there. There could be someone out there right now who has a crush on you and you just don't know it. Anyone..Could be the most unlikest of person. I was informed a girl at the local Coles had a crush on me back in College. Now I hear about it. Goddamit. Then there's the girl in the local Pharmacy I've been in love with ever since Yr. 11. I saw her the other week with a mate, and I don't know if she saw me or not but I was about to open my mouth and let out a noise, even if it was "oehrheaoe" but she walked off, busily attending things in the store. Aww shit. There is a crush (or two) I have at the moment but that's all I'm saying. Then there's the 'other' crush. The girl from Yr. 11 who had such an extreme crush on me that everyone in the school knew about it. Me being somewhat immature then never took her up on the offer because she was acclaimed the most unpopular girl, of course, for no reason at all. Not to mention, I thought it was too good to be true. Ah college years, the things you hear. Truth be, she was fine. She had a good figure, face was nice and had a good dress taste. If only I had taken her up on the offer, if only. I saw her the other night in a van out the front of Coles and it sparked this plethora of thoughts avalanching into my mind. At least I think it was her. I would take her up now. It explains why she was so nervous talking to me all that time. More about this in another post.

"Give women the right to vote"
"..is the world still spinning around?"
"It's in your eyes"

I dreamt I went to New York the other night and consoled Hugh Jackman cos he was so upset. Must of been the finale of his Broadway show, "The Boy From Oz". I dreamt terrorists came to Sth Melbourne and shot everyone in the street and came onto my tram. I escaped unscathed. Turns out they were just pimply teenagers. Must be the manifestation of how I see most young people end up becoming. Welcome back to dreams! I was sick of having blank nights or nightmares (more about that one in another post). Hurray for weird dreams!

People are dying. Women are getting pregnant. The trees are blossoming. Rains are flooding the rivers. Politicians argue like children over a bucket and spade. Friends become closer. A flirt begins. Old friends reacquaint. Bonds strengthened. Music floats through my head. I ride it's wave into my dreams. I sense something big. Sexual frustration and insanity is at it's highest with all.
In four weeks I turn 21, and amidst the chaos of it all, I can see life for what it truly is.
"Spec-tac-u-lar".

(Proudly unabridged, unedited, and spontaneous free-flowing thoughts. Except for the typos.)

Mrs. Ellis, you're trying to seduce me...aren't you?

2004-09-02T02:33:00.000+10:00

Anyone who doesn't have their head in the sand or lives under a rock would know about the recent scandalous affair between a ~~fortunately lucky~~ 15 y.o. young man who had a romp around with his 36 y.o. ~~delightfully spunky and sexually mature~~ P.E. teacher up in the Northern Suburbs.

The lilttle blighter cracked on to her, somehow managing to distract her from her marriage, 3 kids, and the husband. And his only 15. Imagine what he'll be like when he's 21! Wowsers. Potential home-wrecker I think if he embraces his talent.
Reportedly, he said she seemed a "bit alright" and decided to go for the sting. Upon knock-back, he kept on talking her into it. This extremely confident chap denies he is in love with the teacher, Karen Louise Ellis, or that she is in love with him. Also that he would "in years to come he probably would have a laugh at it". Brilliant! Simply marvellous to be so blaize about the whole thing after the rampant media attention. I need to take a leaf out of his book, he oozes so much confidence for such a pubescent shithead.

Of course, the ingenious media didnt want to identify the boy at the last minute in accordance to his request, although the promo ads had already shown his face on national TV. Good one.

But jealous statements and media shit-slanging aside, the part that cackles me up is this statement:

"I sat next to her and said 'it'll be all right' and I kissed her. And one thing led to another, I suppose. We went upstairs and had sex and then I left, probably five minutes after that."

HAH! In true pubescent teenboy sexually crazed prematurity, my best bet is he "spilt the milk" before anything could happen. Or it was a damn quick quickie. C'mon five minutes? (I know what the statement means but I would like to believe the sex and him latest for five minutes - heh). It brings back memories of scenes out of the banned film, "Ken Park" of the skater boi licking his girlfriend's Mum out whilst she is doing the laundry or the classic, "The Graduate" which, damnit! I still haven't seen yet. Must rent DVD ASAP.
What I don't understand is, why such fuss? Naturally, you're safe bet is on the media to blow it our of proportion like it's some real evil crime or scandals of all scandals. If a guy wants to romp around with his female teacher, and it's not classifed as rape, then go for it. Good on him I say. This guy is a champion. Not from a "I wish I was him and could have sex with a sexually matured fine specimen as her", well...perhaps but more a case of someone so young having so much damn confidence, ability, sweet-talking, and cheek to do so and carry it out; at the age of 15.

Now if only I had done that with my English teacher in my early College years.

Locking Horns

2004-09-01T01:18:00.000+10:00

Whilst waiting for a freshly cooked sausage roll at my favourite pie shop on Clarendon during a break from Uni, I flicked through the nearest tabloid and discovered this article.
I'm familiar with these two guys. What the paper at hand failed to mention is that both men are street perfomers. The Golden Guy does his still statue routine around Melbourne whilst the shabby bloke I think I met through this guy a few years ago. Since then, I've seen him playing his make-shift, home-grown drum kit of buckets and paint cans around the streets of Melbourne.
Spending a considerable amount of time in and around Melbourne these days I've become familiar with various street performers, some to be a personal favourite, the Golden Guy one of the favourites. Whilst the other chap I just feel plain soory for.

Clearly the John-Rhys-Davies look-a-like was after some extra cash due to his own street performing shortcomings. The above article reads as:

LATTE lovers in Acland St had ringside seats for a bizarre street fight yesterday. (Yesterbday being August 25th, 2004). It was all caught on camera by Herald Sun photographer Bill McAuley.
A street performer dressed as a Viking fought a 20-minute battle with a bearded foe in front of stunned onlookers in the busy St. Kilda street.
Witnesses said the Viking, spray-painted gold with a horned helmet and plastic sword, took offence when some of his busking possessions were moved.
"They just went for it. It was going to go on and on and on, but the police arrived," a witness stated. No charages were laid.

Pre-21st Life Crisis - Large McValue Me

2004-08-13T01:18:00.000+10:00

We all know the famed mid-life crisis of your forties. Also the crisis of old age in our latter years.

But there's one that starts them all of, that one begins at 20.

It comes somewhere between puberty and your mid-life crisis. You realise a whole heap of things about yourself that you never imagined yourself to be at that age. Considering my 21st is just around the corner, I've found myself reflective on many things. Everything is fantastic with me, except a select number of things. This, over the next few weeks, is a rant\gripe\health obsessed\shit spill sequence of posts of a life crisis....at 20.

1. I am over-weight.
Yep, believe it or not, my figure has gone to hell. Dont get me wrong, Im not a fat bastard (for those who havent seen me) but it is my fear to become one, not to mention Australia is fast becoming known for it's obsese little shits and adults alike. Dount count me in that. I should be buff at this age but I'm anything but. I see my father when I look in the mirror. My love handles have increased, some extra rolls. I swear I'm pregnant too somedays. Yes I am male, a male who is body conscience and has concentrated focus on well-being and hygiene. Essentially my well-being\hygiene is fine but the damn fat - one predominant reason why I hate winter, that good 'ol mandatory weight gain that seems to plague most of us. I remember clearly how my image was great last summer. I often walked around the block daily whether it be due to boredom, relationship problems or the glorious dusk summer weather. (Luckily when I do get depression, I walk, alot). Knowing this, I know where I think I've gone wrong.

1. Computers - the downside to a digital animation course requires your ass on a seat for a good part of the day and then more of that at nighttime for work on various projects. As my lecturer stated, all the best animators are big fat buffoons. I can see why they are fat and good at what they do, it's synonymous rather. Me, I love all that gee-whizz bangery but I don't want to become a fat slob. I choose my outdoor scenes more than having my computer eventually skin-grafted onto my spinal chord.

2. Winter - it's inevitable for everyone that they put on weight to build resistance to the cold icy winds and pelting rain.

4. Food - I eat a lot these days. A large McValue meal before dinner or Nandos, dinner, and perhaps some pasta or munchies later in the night. Not everyday mind you but still, every kilojule adds up. Too much Maccas. Say No to drugs. That smell is irrisistible, a large McValue meal later, I'm guilty as sin. I don't have worms and it's not boredom. Sometimes I wish I had love sickness, then I wouldn't eat a crumb! Instant weight-loss! Unlike some, I don't loose weight from stress, I eat more. I know the solution is not bleumia, or familiarise oneself with the idea of anorexia but I think refinement in my food groups and ease on some would help.

5. Drink - I admit, I totally dig Guinness lately. It's brilliant. Not to mention, I'm a two-can-Sam when it comes to that beverage. Weekly drinks with mates down at the pub or their house guarantees a gut for sure. I've never spent so much money on grog than I have this winter! It's not that I have emotional problems, I'm just a typical Uni student doing the typical Uni student thing of getting pissed of a weekend and battling the coursework during the week. Seems fair and balanced. I'm caught in the vacuum of being a dinky-di pisshead of a blokesoexual, but fear not, I wouldnt ever succumb to that. Besides, a social drink from anyone is a temptation at it's strongiest for me.

Retrospective of all this, I'm saving my pennies for a mountain bike, (after the unknown fuckwits stole my beloved bike of 6 years from the train station two or so years ago). As soon as I save a few hundred or so, I'm taking off on my bike out into the wilderness. Riding those mountains into oblivion like I use to, and then struggling to find my way home again. The day I rode my bike for four hours upto Cockatoo in 36 degree weather is what Im talking about! Or the five hour circumnavigation of Phillip Island last summer where I skidded on the rocks and was saved by a prickle bush from a 30 foot drop - those were the days. I will make sure these days come again, eat better, and ease off on those large McValue meals. Then I may not look so pregnant.

The Longest Night

2004-08-10T01:26:00.000+10:00

Leading up to the night, he had promised us that it would be a huge night.

There was excitement in the air and consequently last Saturday night was going off. Amidst the drunken tomfoolery, an absent home-bound, baby-sitting friend of ours pranked us all, later folllowing it up with a comedic stab at our mate with a SMS.

Infuriated at this SMS he wondered the house. "Where are my keys?", he asked whilst searching around. I realised then everything was about to change.

Ironic he said tonight was going to be huge, but we were expecting an orgy-like Twister (minus the sex) and other great party games. Nothing what we were about to experience.

He reversed along the muddy driveway, out onto the street. Another friend rushed to the door, trying to open it but he sped off on him.
Next thing, the three of us were speeding through the streets of Pakenham attempting to catch up to our speeding friend.
Manuevering between two cars into the slip lane, we turned left as I turned around to look at the glaring car beams behind us. Getting that gut instinct I tend to always get about things, I realised who it was. Blue and red illuminated the houses on the street around us and pulled off the road, right opposite the house we were heading to. As the police questioned the driver, we saw our friend in his car casually, but quickly enough, turn up the road and disappear into the night.
I cautiously approached his house; the mate who pranked us in the beginning. His family poured out of the door with Bourbon in hand to see what the fuss was all about. Our mate was fine and accordingly nothing happened between he and our friend who stormed off at the party, albeit a few car beeps he did until the cops scared him off. The cops naturally didnt care what we were trying to do, no matter how well our intentions were. Luckily their reprimand was minimal.
The three of us from the car, my mate, his father and partner; we sat on the terrace of someone's frontyard discussing the nights matters that lead us to this surreal situation. An hour later, in a stupour some of us still were from our drinks, we ventured through the streets, looking and hoping we would find our mate. But, we found nothing. He had disappeared.

The figure walked in a zig-zag fashion in the middle of the road, right outside of the local train station. The driver tooted his horn and the figure spun around, his pissed but angry face startled by the car's beams. He began walking towards us...I remember screaming to everyone to lock their doors and wind up any windows. He slowly came to a stop at the driver's window and just looked at him, almost like he was ready to punch the window or windscreen. My mate's father jumped out of the car and questioned if there was a problem, or something along these lines.
Next thing we know, they're parking (as in what they do in Boxing) in the middle of the street next to the car. We all realised this was it as more crazy bogans came out of nowhere and a brawl was about to start. I looked around at my mate (the original prankster)..he had jumped out to defend his father...the door was wide open and I could see the approaching "gangs" of mid to late thirty men. The violent sort who beat their wives and piss their pay away at the pub.
We freaked and screamed. We panicked and froze. "SHIT" my mate in the front passenger seat screamed as we saw our mate and his Dad get beaten to a pulp. I thought about bolting to the station but it would be our luck to get someone who wouldnt be able to help, aside from the fact they can't leave their shift and become involved. I glanced at the door, wide open to anyone Bogan who wanted to venture into our car. "Get out of the car! GET OUT OF THE CAR! Run for it!" his father screamed at us before landing back on the ground. Stop.

I thought what is the best thing to do in a situation like this? My mate in the front and I were so close to jumping out and fighting these bastards but we were afraid they had knives...then I realised, call the cops.

The door slammed shut as someone kicked it and we sped off while I dialled 000. I thought to myself I must speak as clear and coherently (in my quickly sobering slumber) to the operator, so that the police come before it's too late. Fifty goddamn questions later, the phone at the police station rang. And it rang. And rang some more. I looked at the park opposite the train station where the fight was and saw all these people running through it, including a gang of Aborigines Slowly my ears tuned back to the sounds and heard from the others that our father and son team were running for us to pick them up on the other side of the park. Again, fifty goddamn questions from the police, I asked for an ambulance...I saw the unconscious body of my mate's father on the road.

The car was parked in front of him, the light showing his red top that made me realise who it was. Everyone had dissipated as quickly as they appeared. There was a police helicopter in the area too at this time I was to find out later. We\I must've been really drunk because we never heard a thing. The Aborigines were all around the curled up body. I saw our front passenger had rang the police too, and so I cautiously wound down the window and asked them if he was ok.

Amazing irony. His father is a nurse who has worked for a time in Darwin, and helped many injured Aborigines he had told us only earlier that night. Here they were, all around him. I walked up to his lifeless body, his head propped up by some leaves and branches. I asked him if he was ok, he blinked and replied. Some of them came upto me and told all of us to just get out of here before anything else happened. The police were just at the end of the street, waiting as if there wasn't a rush in the world. The suddenly sped off up the road like a bat out of hell.

They helped him up and he grabbed hold of me, I wrapped my arm around him and dumped him into 'my mate's car and locked the door. I asked if my two friends were ok and to let's go and get our friend who we heard, had ran to his grandparents house.

I liked this situation. I felt in control. I was helping people and it seemed so right.

Again, we drove around the streets a shade after midnight, travelling to the grandparents house. But his father just kept telling us to drive, "just keep going, it's up here somewhere". Twenty minutes later, we were at his grandparents. Right at the place where we were before we left.

Thankfully, father and son were ok and so were the rest of us. We explained exactly what happened to the grandparents and in particularly, to the father for his continual repeated questions assured us he had the worse case of concussion most of us had ever seen. Whilst in the toilet, our friend; the one who we went searching for in the first place, pranked me. He was back at the house of the party, distaught and very upset.

Ten minutes later, father and son were taken to hospital for a check up by the grandparents. They both had huge gashes on their arms and a smashed mobile screen. I was shocked to see our missing friend in one of the cars. Thank God he was safe.

We all went back to their house. The house where only just before, we had been pulled up by the cops. My mate's father's partner told us to go to her room where we talked casually well into the morning. The driver of the night, a good friend of mine, left at 2am and gave him a huge. A smile showed and that's what counted. (Ed: Good on you mate, I was woorried about you that night, how you would cope with everything. But Im glad you kept your cool and that you were with us in the first place. Your hug put a smile on his face, but it put a tear on my cheek). We eventually tucked our embarrassed, emotional quiet friend into her queen-size bed. The remaining three of us; the partner, the other mate who rang the police and I, continued drinking out on the porch well into the early hours, having one of those talks that covered everything in life.

A shade after 5am, father and son came home in fine shape. Our other friend was woken up and he silently left in the light of dawn, to walk back home. As I walked home at 7am, I realised that our friend needs us as much as we need him. Maybe he's realised how much he means to us? Hopefully we can all get together soon and finish off the party we started that night.

Ballarat Bygone - A Simple Life

2004-07-28T00:49:00.000+10:00

Surprisingly, the coach to the Land of Quartz wasn't as boring as I expected.

A fortnight ago, I bestowed upon myself to visit these two and another friend before my holidays ended.
3.5 horus of travelling and happy to finally see where exactly the place I want to work at is based during my travels, I arrived to the cold region that is Ballarat. It is a whole world unto itself - the archteciture is unique in combining the new with the old and maintaining the modern with the Gold Digger days. It reminds me alot of America, although I've never been there so I have no idea how this comes to be.
The little hut of the residence of these two resides north-west of Ballarat in a town called Carngham. It was a spectacle within itself. After hearing so much of this adobe, here it was, nestled in a sharp-off-the-road turn, shadowed by the pine tree farm and Blair Witch country out the back, I could feel the interior decorator and landscaper bursting within me to do a "Block"-esque routine in the middle of buggery.
Essentially it was everything I had imagined right down to the creaking door. This city slicker had met true country style of living. I was Paris Hilton from "A Simple Life". After a Cook's tour around the block and house itself, pissfarting with the computer, my friend (who I met on the net through a chance email that she received from me that contained only my email - damn viruses). After meeting her two friends, we sped back into Ballarat, to venture later onto to the town's nightclub, "Rattle N' Hum".
Surprised by the fact I wasn't allowed in due to my hooded top (which I could either "tuck in" or "take off"), I was to witness later the usual bunch of try-hard Surfies, Metro's, and delicate young girls. After many, many beers and bourbons from my friend's boyfriend, I kicked up on the dancefloor much to the amusement from the others who I think spotted I was from the Eastern Suburbs by the way I danced. The DJ improved, especially the remix of "Californian Dreamin'" that got me dancing up a storm. I liked the use of the projector screen displaying the showcase of video clips for each song too.
3am - friend's housemate and I are roaming the streets of Ballarat. Chips, cheese and gravey - supposedly Ballarat's dish - was purchased and we feasted on it in the cold, wintery, dank streets of Ballarat.
5am - entertainment happened in the form of me showing my Yr. 7 film to my friend, having a deep and meaningful, and being welcomed to her boyfriend's spew in the hallway.

On the way up, I thought it to be befitting that I see a movie of importance to me at the place where it all started - where I saw my first film back in the 80's - The Regent Theatre. Only befitting in the sense that my career is rumbling in the distance and this cinema, was where I encountered my first sampling of celluloid - in the form of Tim Burton's Batman.
So we saw Shrek 2 (which was brilliant, and related to what Im doing in my course and it was shown in either the same cinema where I saw my first film or nextdoor to it).
Later that night, I was back at the dishevelled cottage where the interior decorator and landscaper inside of me was bursting to the point where we discussed for ages the potential of the place. More computer technicalities and problem-solving followed the night with great-tasting beef, a showcase of my movies (again), and chatter. Dubious about the large dead mosquitoes hanging from the celing and cobwebs, and freezing from the cold, I found to be in a bed of comfort.

Friday - mad rush to the train station saw me just missing the train and not even having enough to buy Macca's. Amidst the chaos and near enough to below zero temperatures, I boarded the train in the afternoon and had the fortunate case of a schoolgirl sitting opposite me. Nothing eventuated as she fell asleep and so did I on the way home.

Director's Cut - "Thus The Tale Begins"

2004-07-07T20:34:00.000+10:00

As promised in the blog beforehand, I present to you the mixed bag of times I've had ranging from the adventorous to the downright most dirty.
Be sure to read this from bottom to top, past through to present.

May-July

Blog re-released

Production of 3d Uni Film

April

University Admin ring FE and interviews over phone to write up article on him in Uni paper

FE moves his bed finally from loungeroom back into newly painted bedroom. Woot!

FE falls seriously sick and nearly collapses from sleep deprivation and overloading of daily schedule

Last week of film shoots for "The Extra" FE meets comedic idols Colin Lane and Shaun Micallef New friends are made and extreme close-ups are shot of him

Dress up as cross between Anna Kournikova and a hooker to friend's 20th Murder Mystery Night Complete with shaven legs, g-string, bra, heels and wig. Receives award for best dressed and ends up running around pool naked. View at viewer's discretion.

FE shops for women's clothes and lingerie

2nd film shoot on Jimeoin's film "The Extra" at Melb Arts Centre. FE falls madly in love with Livinia Nixon and makes new friends. FE chosen as main extra

FE accidentally says "f word" in front of local Church chronies at Midnight Easter Mass only to say "Oh I didn't see you there! Happy Easter!"

Blog template re-written with help from TI-O-M

March

The Written Word Two template is reviewed

FE wears T-shirt of naked girl to Church outing to view "Passion Of The Christ"

SEXY widescreen, high definition, Dolby Surround, 86CM digital TV and DVD\VCR player purchased. TV viewing increases greatly

FE slapped, punched, tickled, balls kicked, harassed by girls at Gembrook party with bogans. Funny people with funny teeth

Sexy Canon MP370 Printer\Coper\Scanner purchased

First day of shooting on Jimeoin's new feature film - "The Extra"

FE's father becomes redundant

FE begins directing a short animated film at university about penguins in Antarctica

FE gets over depression and break up and gets with two girls over following weekend

Meet up with Ex to clear things

Februrary

Relationship break up next night proceeding with chronic depression for 3 days

FE looses wallet on first day of filming. Movie tickets from '97-present day are forever lost

Cast members begin dropping out of film "Mortal Sin"

Near miss car accident with truck and car

Worry about No. 77 starting new life at University

Add sexual frustration on top of that

Depression sets in

Lack of motivation sets in

Boredom sets in. Relationship woes increase. Everything begins going to the pack

Valentine's Day - No.77 treated to La Porchetta, teddy bear, poem and card. Nothing in return

First "talk" about relationship. Everything "sorted out" but it inevitably continues down hill

Again, be cautious of schoolkids walking home from school if having sex in public

Janurary

Relationships begins to creep down hill subtlely

Many games of night tennis played by all at No.77's house

TI-O-M and FE help Agent with DJ Gig at Bhangra 21st Party. Big success

FE snorts steam as Nokia 6610 goes for a dunk at No.77's swimming pool in his shorts. Crisis over upon dry re-assemblage only to receive a message about a forthcoming DJ gig of HEM

As No.77 gains entry into Uni, FE and Co. venture to "haunted house" and gain inspiration for a new film titled "Mortal Sin"

No. 77 runs over FE's foot with V8 Commodore (no connection to aforementioned night)

No.77 and FE have their first rough night of emotions and tears due to personal events leaked out by an open drunken FE about the relationship to family and friends

Drive-Ins for the first time - simply brilliant

Last year's TV commercial receives a High Distinction

FE falls ill from food poisoning with no thanks to a small bite from No.77's Chicken Teriyaki BP Roll

FE insists you be cautious of kids spying on you and your partner during public love-making rituals

December

Jagermeister (Yay-Ga-Mister) regarded as cough medicine in disguise

"The Tom Green Show" also regarded as very funny television

No.77's mother confronts her and partner about their clandestine "Schoolies" week and sex lives

New Year's celebrated at San Remo beachhouse with girlfriend No.77, family and friends. No.77 confesses love for FE and vice versa at the first break of dawn for the new year. Best New Year's to date

Stationwagon conks out in middle of Warrigal Rd. FE has to push the wagon off the busy road containing 2 80-something year olds up onto a traffic island in 36 degree heat

FE discovers that love-making in sand dunes isn't as bad as what some might say

Romantic oils make FE high during love-making, giggles ruin the mood

Trip back home through storms complete with psychotic African woman chanting

FE gets inside tour of Fox Studios with inside worker and witnesses various film sets

Many contacts and acquaintances made at massive Film/Animation Festival

FE and father fly to Sydney and stay at Manley to attend Film Festival at Darling Harbour

November

"Whose Line Is It Anyway?" regarded as the funniest television

Semi-circumference performed by FE around Phillip Island on shitty bike. Nearly skids off a cliff

No. 77 invites FE down to her beach house at San Remo. Only male amongst 8 females. (much pleasant, gratuitous sex, drinking, cigars, smoking, swimming, hiking and general Schoolies behavior)

FE nearly caught by bible-bashing Church biddies while buying condoms at local supermarket

TI-O-M and FE enjoy becoming airborne in Ogie's car going 100+ kmh over Cranbourne railway crossing. Becomes nightly tradition

Dawsons Creek style pier sitting\beer-guzzling at Frankston Pier with Ogie and another friend sets summer holidays off until TV commercial editor rings FE requesting him to come back to Uni to edit. Ugh!

Nov 21st - FE begins dating No. 77. Hoorah!

Red Carpet TV interview at Awards Night hosted by Wilbur Wilde. Free grog and students falling down stairs to accept awards

Nov 19th - rat-tailed hair and beard shaven off professionally for Awards Night

FE has two consecutive days without sleep to finish commercial - mad rush

Drunk\sleepy\semi-conscious businessman on Oakes Day train goes to sleep on seats and falls off to break nose and splashes blood everywhere around train carraige

Drunken boyfriend ramming his head up girlfriend's arse witnessed at Spencer St Station by many 9am-5pm workers.

Big "LAN Party\Sleepover" at friend's to model and animate TV commercial

Hair tied back due to length.

Plane tickets booked for Sydney

October

Production of TVC in full swing.

Email is received from lecturer warning about acquiring certain games and other things at university. Admin not happy.

FE turns 20 on 6th October.

Pre 20th Birthday drinks with friends - a girl "No. 77" is met and a good time is had on couch. Spring had sprung (and so did the couch that night).

September

Singledom still thoroughly enjoyed!

Hair has grown long.

Deliberate driving up wrong side of busy residential road towards road crest to turn down a nearby street. HEM and TIS-O-M shit themselves.

Introduced to Nando's by Agent FareEvader

University class takes brief interest in love\life debacles earlier documented in this blog. They also learn what a blog is.

FE's Dad tells cop all about how much he had to drink upon being pulled over.

Work on University's Awards Ceremony at Forum Theatre - designing posters and programmes.

August

Singledom being enjoyed like never before

Grandma pays debt of $600 *!!*

Proposed job at old school to teach Yr 9 students the basics of animation. But job offer utimately falls in on itself due to school's disorganisation. And aforementioned priest cracking the shits with disliking of blog author

Odd dream about having sex with Beyonce Knowles in a mudpit in someone's backyard bbq

Last ever "Buffy" episode.

FE topping various modules at University. "Eckle" cartoon receives warm reception from critics and peers at University. High distinctions received.

Train fine for feet on seats added to repertoire of train fines

Mate and fellow blogger AFE has 15 seconds of fame on ABC's "Stateline" for colleague's tram stint.

July

"Eckle", animated film begins it's production.

"The New Era Begins" - top notch new computers at Uni and a new project is undertaken - TVC (Television Commercial)

June 22 - trip to Morwell to break it all off. "Bitch" was at movies instead. Many non-answered calls and SMS-ing. "Bitch" tells FE to meet her at shopping centre, he waits for 4 hours, nothing. Letter is slotted into wiredoor at home. First ever phonecall from her is received at train station, it's announced that letter is at police station due to name-calling and comment "you are a selfish bitch for doing all of this". FE shits himself on way home as he is told to beware of psychotic drug-taking brother of hers. Yay! Singledom!

Ogie and FE compare notes on similar shite relationships

Everything in life speeds down hill at astronomical rate. Girlfriend regarded as a "bitch" and contemplation is given to breaking up

Serious deep financial shit. (train fines, $600 bills, etc)

Family issues once again, FE storms out and goes to mates house

FE dubbed "astroboy" amongst peers due to black hair

Pakenham Storm Chaser website discovered. Great spectacle

Delta Goodrem diagnosed with cancer

FE invests in a new Nokia 6610 Colour Phone with camera attachment. Woot!

Yet more mind games from girlfriend via SMS - apologising for causing hurt, missing presence, and that generally everything is ok

Metaphorical\Nostalgic roadtrip to Frankston to gather thoughts and clear mind. The birthplace of blog's author

Whore of a girlfriend leaves FE waiting in the wintry cold for a coach that doesn't exist for two hours

Time out again with another mate. FE begins to recognise comedic element in "Freddy Got Fingered" and finds it a hilarious film

FE draws up huge poster to cheer up girlfriend who gets shitty about it

Time out with AFE. Enjoyable tequila Sunrise at Elephant and the Wheelbarrow. Woke to SMS from girlfriend saying "I'm dropping your stuff off at your house and talking to your Mother." And that there was going to be big trouble for FE as he was somewhere where he shouldnt be but wasn't

FE's girlfriend claims his house is "umcomfy and too posh" according to this slag from ~~Morwell~~ Whorewell. No "girlfriend-stays-at-house-for-the-first-time" action

June

...and the last post made for The Written Word

Friends of author regard his relationship emotional rollercoaster ride more dramatic and entertaining then daily TV soap operas

FE on verge of breakdown as everything plummets down hill. "When it rains, it pours"

Relationship woes are increased with thanks to current girlfriend's ex who wants her to have his kids due to cancer scare

Sex in a public pool is an naughty thing, especially in front of partner's mother

Hair is dyed black by current girlfriend - "how black can black be?"

Amused by the discovery of Contact Juggling

Local priest harasses FE to "glenuflect" as soon as he enters Church. Priest claims he is "sick" of him.

He received his upteenth train fine. Adds to list of other train fines

He helps his current girlfriend and family move house. (What a shit)

FE learns how important foreplay is before sex

One Year On - Director's Cut

2004-07-06T05:13:00.000+10:00

Time has ebbed back and forward for many months now since I last broadcasted my observations. People have come and gone, places seen and experiences had. I've had the time of my life and alot of things have changed me since this blog was first born in Autumn of 2003. Proceding this post, is a summary of the past year or so.

P.S. Much love and kudos to Agent FareEvader for code inspiration.

First of, what's with the new look?

Befitting the different context of this blog to the last, it was essential to enhance it but also link in with the theme. First and above all, the Earthy tones represent the world where we reside on, the life we live here on this rock foundation. Also, I'm a fanatic of Nandos and so I intepreted their colour scheme into something warm and also it made me feel warmer as this revamped blog was re-released in the cold Winter of 2004. The oddity of using Italian based links on a pre-dominant English site was decided on for originality, embrace the "hotness" of the chilli, and also because I have a strong interest in all things relating to the Italian culture. Furthermore, the red tones, orange, denote something warm and hot and serves as a foundation for this blog as there will be, at times, controversial things observed, stated, taboo and risque. Be sure to read the disclaimer. There will be nothing left unsaid, unabridged, or untouched. Life has mixed complexities and muti-dimensional levels and so nothing will be left out, not even the dangerous aspects.
The green in the colour scheme is not only my favourite colour but a reflection on my Irish background, but also a reminder of nature, that man is always at peril of it. The feather quills obviously are used to write whilst chilli's symbolise the occasional hot and dangerous nature of this blog and the controversial posts that may be made. If mention at any one point throughout this blog to the initials, FE, then (in case you dont have your thinking cap on) they are my initials, Filmmaker Extraordinnaire.

What's to be expected?

Essentially it's a conclusive blog to the former one that you knew. It's still here but archived. This one sees things in a different light for I'm no longer a teenager, doing second year Uni, and on the verge of creating myself a career in the world of animation and film. More importantly though, the experiences I had between now and last time I blogged anything substantial, have matured and proceeded me beyond years in ways I could never dream about. Considering this, it's only fitting that this be the second part to the chronicles of "The Written Word". "Poetry In Motion" denotes the motion of words that can have so much meaning to us, or so little to some. One day, I hope, this blog will base the form of not only an autobiographical book, but an autobiographical film about the world I reside in, the hum drum, the abnormal throught processes I have, the chaos that rules the world around me, but the little others around me do to make something of it. The chances we have, the chances I have, to become something powerful, so powerful that we might change the world, inspire the people, and walk this earth leaving in wake an impression that time can never erode away. To know we did something great when we had the chance because of the small ideas we had, the minute struggles, the determined mind, the words we said, the written words.

Disclaimer

2004-07-06T03:55:00.000+10:00

The Written Word Two: Poetry In Motion is intended as a foundation for one persons opinions, ideas and observations either for entertainment purposes only or as a form of literature that is intended for sensible audiences. The views and opinions expressed herein are written as just that. Either that or they are a parody of people, places and experiences, life itself; factual or otherwise; in any other circumstance they are published as fair comment, a right afforded to the publishers under federal freedom of speech legislation. The publisher of this site purports that persons subject to commentary on this site are those in the public eye, and as such are able to be scrutinised as a matter of public interest. These persons aside, any similarity or resemblence to any persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The views contained within do not represent any third party, company, institution connected to the publishers of The Written Word Two: Poetry In Motion. All material contained within this blog remains Copyright (c) The Written Word (unless otherwise referenced or cited).

The Written Word Reemerges

2004-03-28T05:13:00.000+10:00

Destruction must come before Resurrection.
"The Written Word" once diminished but now regains a new look, a new style, a new frame of mind.
Stay tuned...

2003-07-12T04:09:00.000+10:00

**HUGE UPDATE COMING SOON**

I will update as soon as I get some bloody time. Grrrr. I go to update it and something always comes up. Keep an eye out for it as there have been some big developments over the past 2 weeks.
Cheers, Me.

This just in..........

Blog will be see the beginning of an update as of tomorrow onwards. Watch This Space.

2003-06-27T02:06:00.000+10:00

Hello Boys and Girls (and those who dont fit into either category).

Today. Today. Ah yes...today the day that decided alot of things. Great to see one can have a good start to the day by getting verbally abused by their own mother and grandmother, not to mention father the night before. Comments like "You make me sick in the stomach", "You're a slob, I have no time for you", and insulting close people to me I dont need, want, or will not take from an incompetent fucking bitch like my own grandmother. She calls me disrepectful? Yet she is the one who also calls me names, insults who I am, puts me down. Do you call that respect? No. Hypocritical self-centered old bitch.
As for my mum, she will never listen to me it seems and same with my father. They think they are so damn cock-sure of everything these days: "You forget we've been through that. We know what it is like." No, you dont. Hate to burst your fragile bubble. What happened to you back in fucking 1956 holds no relevance to how things work today, epecially with systems you use daily. Also the fact they wont believe my word when I especially say "Uni is exhausting." or "dont have time for a job because I am a full-time Uni student who gets home 4 days a night at 7, does more Uni work later that night and only has the w\end to relax. Who also will not tolerate his marks be affected by the balancing act of having a job. I am not interested in being compared to other people, everyone is different and has their own contributing factors with how their lives work". "You're becoming a disappointment to your father and I". Me? Being a disappointment to them? More like the other way around, fuckwits. Everyone from my own girlfriend to the goddamn milkman understand my situation and how it is with University, except the one bunch of people who should be the first supportive party who tries to understand and help out. It's a fucking a joke...really is. Maybe it's time to move out.

Centrelink are non the wiser either. Queues for fucking too long, being told I can't get this or do that because "the government says so" in true primary school bullying fashion. I HATE Centrelink with a passion. Even that is an understatement. No wonder some customer wanted to shoot the workers at an office in Narre Warren. Ill supply the bullets next time.

Other than that, I browsed through the newsagency, searched Coles for my mate who works there, checked up on g-strings at Target or the lack thereof and later venturing up to Adam Blackney's for Pt II of our gossip session.

Much to my surprise Kat SMS today out of the blue. Thought she ran out of credit. She sounded just as upset I was, with her mum and her boyfriend. I got a feeling a few bad things happened over the past two days. One of them would be the results of her ex's diagnosis as to whether he has cancer or not. Things weren't looking good. I long to be with her today more than anything.

When I rang she seemed pretty down and had alot to tell me tomorrow. Later I got paranoid she would have a problem with us she wanted to talk about. This gave me sheer anxiety as I was down enough as it was which aided things, not for the better. She told me there was something but DONT woory (I HAVE to stop being paranoid thinking it is something bad or catastrophic and realise she said to me she still loves me). She also said no to her ex.

Relievement and sigh of breath.

2003-06-26T20:53:00.000+10:00

All I want to say at this moment in time to any plebian who will listen to a pheasant such as myself.....I AM FUCKING BORED. There is nowhere to go to on the net, been everywhere. Ive d\l everything. MSN is shit nowadays. What can you do?

2003-06-26T02:11:00.000+10:00

Well what a pointless day it was.

Drove to Fountain Gate Shopping Centre for some standard obligatory tasks. Checked up on some Telstra Mobile plans and seriously considering upgrading my phone to a colour screen or at least a phone that can take snaps. Im sick of being somewhere and not being able to record the sight or moment. Went to RACV and like InfoVictoria I couldnt get any free information on free\inexpensive camp sites around Victoria. Ted's Camera Store showed me that I could be able to buy a digital betacam in the City, will look up on that one certainly. Thank God the Post Office was open I could pay the rest of my ever-luming phone bill. Damn Target and Big W though, they should have some g-strings in stock. Another disappointment.

FG Shopping Centre is a place where you cant help to be either noticed or bump into someone you know from somewhere. I happen to stumble onto Rob Ashby, the good ol' school captain of last year's school days. I felt at ease knowing his suffering from the throws and tumbles Uni can propell onto you. Good to see his still a good bloke.

I aroused myself over the ever-blissful regular $3.90 Ice Chocolate from Donut King and drove on to see my old mate, Adam Blackney. After our gossip session and flicking through his book on "The Guide To Good Orgasms" I came home to baked potatoes and t-bone steak.

The night was fucking shit. Nothing happened. Kat ran out of credit so I dont know if she decided to stay in bed or get to the train and end up getting to Emerald. Nothing...for the first time in ages happened. I feel so lost. At least its holidays...

2003-06-25T03:31:00.000+10:00

Tueday

I was out of there by 10:50am. And I walked the streets of Morwell back to my girl. Figuring enough that she would be still in bed I was welcomed at the door by her mother. Kat was really tired and I knew something was up. She moved from the matress in the lounge to her actual bed. Her and her Mum had been having some serious disputes, put downs (hair colour), false accusations, unreasonable bad attitudes, and no more Im going into for personal sakes obviously. After I got her back to her cheery self again I did another favour for her went down the street and got her ciggarettes. From there I had my "dinner" of Narcos and meat pie and played Bubsy with her, her Mum, and Ashley. Again it was time for to leave, we departed each other's arms and I took my shortcut through the school to the station.

I dont know HOW I did it but I did. I didnt get checked for my ticket again. Lucky me can use it second time around. W00t!

The family was stoked to see my black hair but generally they liked it and will get use to it. Of all the people, who should drop around at 4pm today was my longtime old bogan mate Adam Blackney. Champion! He came around to my place and ended talking to my Mum for an hour. Hilarious. Might be seeing him this week at some stage I hope. Its been yonks. Rang Kat and told her I got home safe and would keep phone on in case she has any more nightmares. I hit the rum a bit, had Nathan and Adrian around to get some music off, watched yet ANOTHER repeat of Buffy, felt the cold, listened to 60's music, organised IE favourites, and blogged. Now for bed.

Monday
My watch neared 3pm. I shook and shook some more. I was still coping from the news and crying to myself about what if this were to happen. Im so damn concerned and scared for Kat's sake. I dont want it to be cancerous as much as the next person. I hate the guy, really do, wish he and Kat had nothing to do with each other but I cried at how cruel life can be to people. I imagined myself in his situation. What a sad goddamn loss. I cried for him. If that conversation ever comes up of people warning me about ex's and their motives, it would be near enough to impossible for someone to understand this situation. I understand their friendship to a degree and quite possibly Kat is the only decent caring person he knows that will give him the support. No wonder I feel so strongly for her. As long as he doesnt carry things too far but Kat has assured me. Stop being paranoid Gerard, you my friend who is reading right now, stop being paranoid too. Everything IS what YOU make it. Im sick to death of everything being slammed with a negative stamp. It doesnt HAVE to be so. Anything can be postive or neutral. "As long as we love each other" Kat said.

I got kicked out to say in such a way as Julia (mother) had some business to attend and plans to do without anyone around or taggin along. Kat didnt want me to go. So here I was trying to get in contact with my Aunty which took time, time that Julia didnt have. She was getting pissed. I hate to be an incovenience and was trying my hardest to get somewhere for me to go and stay the night. Meantime, I walked to my Nan's and ended up finally at my cousins's Alison's flat. Havent seen her for months. She was elated to have me I could see. I really wanted to go back to Katherine as this place was grotty and had its feral degree to it. But still...it sufficed. Just as I was getting myself immersed into "Micallef" her dad (my Uncle John) had buggered off and she wanted to talk. Talk we did and it was good to catch up. Once she went to bed I entertained myself with a showing of the Aussie crime film, "The Hard Word". To my surprise, a scene involving Guy Pearce, Joel Edgerton, and Kim Gyngell running was done on part of my everyday routine to University! Spencer St. Little have I known, Ive been walking in the steps of Guy Pearce. Sad as it maybe it highlighted my dismal night. To my happy surprise Kat cooked dinner for me not realising I woudnt be there and I left my wallet behind. Guess Ill have to go there again tomorrow...I thought the fact that we were on either side of the hill to each other was rather lame with thanks to her mother. She had another bad dream and I wasnt there to comfort her. Mind you my night closed with sleeping on a couch bed thingy with rocks in the pillow case which were somehow comfortable.

Sunday

Woke up late but not as late. I was a little shitty for Kat wasnt in the bed next to me. I remember her getting up earlier in the morning and most likely, walked into her mother's bedroom and spent hoped into that bed. Sure enough......but of course stupid old me being too conclusional and conspiring it was too cold in the lounge where our bed was. Thanks for leaving me though to be eaten by the cold Gippsland air I told her. But anyway....

They really didnt want to go in such shitty weather that there was that day but I pushed them along. They knew they wanted too and I knew it would do them a whole lot of good...a good swim at the Churchill pool.
Damn it was good. Kat and I had our fun in the water while her mother wasnt watching...and sometimes when she was. I did my diving and gave myself a chronic headspin and fizzling nose. What bliss.

It was one of those days where for certain mothers and daughters they just dont get along. I kept my nose well out of it.

That night dinner needed to be ready by 8. But before Kat was too cook it, I had to clean all of the dishes before hand not to mention after as well. Meanwhile we got caught up playing Bubsy and before we knew it, it was 7:30. I quickly went off and did my best at doing the dishes. The always dishevelled looking Bob comes into the kitchen stating it was too late for him to have dinner, that he needed to get back to his shift. The sartay chicken was good and fulfilling but I was a distracted by Kat's quietness. "She's just tired. She said it herself" I told myself. Later we watched "Flying High II" DVD...very funny movie. Great entertainment value. But naturally like any other night, her ex rang again. GRRRR "Try and let it be Gerard" But alas, I had to say something. It might have been the night before when I asked if I could talk to him as well as her this coming Friday night for my own peace at mind. She told me it was no good as he wont listen to me and more or less tell me to buzz off. I couldnt understand and still cant really....cant this fucktard be diplomatic or considerate at least? I asked this of Kat and she told me how he wants nothing to do with me after he heard about my cousin's and some of her previous gribes about me. ie Not telling her about my possible holidays to Mildura until a few days later it came up. Same seems to go for her friend Damien. What the fuck had she been saying about me to her friends? It sounded like it was negative. Is that all she says to them, gribes and rants? I know it's not the case, I could see she was bordering on one of "those" moods. Im really starting to hate this guy alot. Just as things seem to be good for Katherine he comes along with this predicament. It gives me so many mixed emotions, Im so angry with him but I can understand to but which he would stop sharing his problems with her, she has enough without any more hassles. I really dont know how things will turn out. As for the other night, I told her I wanted to discuss it over with her first before I went off nilly-willy and did my own thing without her knowing. Least that was understood.
What I didnt know, is that he is her best friend. I must not come between that friendship for my own sake. I should stop being paranoid, trust what has been said to me, and leave it alone. Easier said than done sometimes.
But tonight it was more than this. I left the dishes too late to do, by about 3 hours. My mistake. I didnt make coffee's for her mother and Bob the other night, they didnt seem fussed at the time. My fucking God, didnt know it was a serious business. Plus it felt like everything I tried to do right, was nit-picked, there was something wrong with it. My wet towel couldnt be placed on the floor in front of the heater because chloride is flammable (I had a shower so not like there was massive amounts ready to go up in flames on the towel), then the fact it made the wet floor. "Stop trying Gerard, nothing will work. Let it be" I thought and said.

Meanwhile the time passed and we had our backs to each other. Little I knew that we would go to sleep in each other's arms and be woken up 2 hrs later with her clutching onto me from having a dream where we had a serious arguement and I was cheating with another girl... Bloody animals wouldnt settle down AGAIN and kept disturbing everyone not to mention complete state of full waking consciousness. Kat got up and left me. She was sleeping in her mother's bed. Fine then...I will woory only about myself. I felt sick and I couldnt sleep. Thank God I had the Nintendo. 3:30am and it was time I try and get some sleep, I didnt want another late night\day. Not long I had gone to bed Kat came back comforting me saying she has alot on her mind epecially something Craig (Claig that damn ex of hers) asked her. I guessed a million things but it was none of them. She couldnt tell me for I might crack. In a nutshell, Craig has a missing disc from his back. He is nearing being wheel-chair bound. Doctors dont know what happen to the missing disc. This has affected his hip and caused a growth. It maybe cancerous. If so he will need treatment hence his inability to have kids. At the present moment enter Kat who was asked to carry his genes and have a kid for him. The next 5 days should show which way this will go, what her decision is, and how that situation and us as a couple will progress into the future.

Saturday
The clock struck somewhere around 3-4pm as I awoke. Why such late arisial? It most likely would be over-tiredness, having bloody restless pets interrupt your sleep and just one of those nights where nothing in the house seems settled.
By the time I had a shower, it was time for our standard Cole's run. Picture us musing over the hair dyes in the aisle. Here I was thinking about going for a chocolate-y brown with blonder streaks while Kat would go for dark bungundy but hey we both like black and hey Presto! Before we knew it we were in the bathroom dying our hair. She did mine then hers. How black can black go for God's sake?! I wasn't sure if this was such a good idea. Excitement and terror went through me...I coudn't believe what I was doing.
And here we were. We had matching black hair. We both love it on each other and think it looks sexy. It is funny to see how long it takes for people to pick up on the fact there is something different about either my appearance or Kat's.
As for the night's festivites, if it wasnt "Bubsy" on SNES then we went to the "FunShed" behind Macca's.

Good point: It was all free and gave us something to do. Bad point: Ran by Christians but not of the garden variety kind. The less aggressive, self-mindful sort.

After 3 games of pool it was dinnertime at your trusty convenient Macca's restaurant. Opps....bad point of tonight was....walking home up and down the other side of a friggin hill that nearly gave us back aches. (Not literally)*
The night ended with us playing SNES, the ever shitty SNES game "Road Runner" (Do not, I repeat, DO NOT play this game or purchase it) and various other bits and pieces.

Friday

My venture into the city proved quite frustrating. Apart from the incompetent train driver who drove slow as a snail on beer, I had to back to Uni on the first day of my holidays to sort out my friggin concession.
First thing was first.

Went to Angus & Robertson and found myself a nice card for my babe to go with the artificial yellow rose. (Yes artificial, so like you know....it kinda lasts). Then to the shithouse InfoVictoria on Collins. All I wanted was information on free\inexpensive camping spots around Victoria, namely the coastal\mountainous regions. "Soory, we sell books on that sorta thing though." I went to get a map that looked promising on offering something worthwhile......EIGHT BUCKS! Out I went.
Did the concession paperwork at Uni then went to Spencer St station to buy it. EIGHTY BUCKS! I was fuming.....if the public transport can squelch every bit of silver, gold, and plastic out of you, rest assure, they will. You have been warned.

Other than that, I missed the Pakenham train and it looked like I will be getting to Morwell late. Shite.

As usual, I wasnt going to get away with using an outward bound Melbourne train without any annoyances. Enter a LARGE group of chatty adolescent school girls in front of me. Then I had the hassle of trying to get some sort of concession worked out at Pakenham station with my mother, or at least some resemblance of concession. I was nearing that desperate point. "Soory you cant buy a yearly statewide concession card until two weeks from now." Grrr...

Eventually I saw myself arrive at Morwell, happy at the fact I had finally got there and somehow blended into my Vline seat surroundings scoring me a ticket not marked my the inspector. Walked those few km's to Katherine's place. It felt like it had been months since we had seen each other.

We watched "Bone Collector" DVD and other various TV segments that night. She was so happy with her artificial rose and card. "...Heaven's angels were on high."

Sex was great and so was the pizza. As we went to bed on the air mattress in the loungeroom, I couldnt help but feel so relieved that this w\end looked promising. Least thats what I thought.

2003-06-17T00:50:00.000+10:00

A Place Where Time Doesnt Exist
Im not entirely sure where Im up to exactly due to my rather hectic lifestyle of late. I have opted for sleep over my recent journalistic attempts here on this page for I have been majorly ran down ie hurting head at the moment, feeling a wooden spoon shoved into my throat etc.

What I will do is basically pick this up from the Queen's Bday Long W\end (The w\end before last) where everything came to a crashing end.

Thursday

Uni was marvellous what else can I say. I got all my work done early to the point where I could leave at 3 much to the disgruntled mumblings ("You bastard" "How the hell did you finish all of that!?" of my fellow Uni cohorts.

For some reason I was really nervous on the train on the way up to Morwell. My gut instinct was trying to tell me something but I didnt heed to it.

I knew straight off that Kat was upset with me and why. She thought I hadnt sent any messages to her and never thought about calling. Truth is I had lost my voice and sent 3 SMS's a day that she never got Insert me assasinating every Optus worker and blowing up their shops We went to Coles for shopping's sake and that was that.

Friday

The focus of this day is what happened at nighttime. It's hard for me to remember because it was so dramatic, I never knew it was coming and how I reacted no one, not a single soul Ive come across, has seen me or even begin to think of me reacting the way I did.

Last w\end something came up between Kat and I were she had something to say to me. Me being the paranoid, average insecure person I am had a panic attack when she wouldnt tell me no matter how much I begged. I knew it was something bad. Upon asking how I would react to it she said I would laugh and convinced me this would be the case. CUT TO this night.
I reminded her that she had "that something funny thing" to tell me and smiling in her teaseful manner she said we had all w\end. Once again I wanted it to be said straight away. But she said she didnt want to ruin the w\end. The explosion went off inside of me rendering me helpless. I knew it. While she was off talking to her mother I sat in the lounge on the ground in front of late night shitty TV realising now my gut insticnt and the fall Im about to take.

She came in and I demanded to know. Then she had that look. I am roadkill. Put a bullet to my head I dont want to be with you I cried and I cried for what seemed like 2 years. I sprawled out on the floor and cried loud and I cried hard. Everything had just forsaken me. Then the memories quickly rolled through my head which made me cry harder than what I could possibly handle. A deluge of emotions. 10 minutes later that question came into my head, Why? She didnt want to hurt me. How could this be I thought to myself? All this time, all the things Ive said to her and she still wont understand what Im willing to do for her and take from her at this rough time of her life. I cried even more from frustation, the memories, her cuddling me there on the floor in front of the heater of a cold winter's night. My emotional deluge was being fueled by every stroke of her hand on my face, every word she said to me about how Im a great person and that she loves me. Enter frustation again. She loves me? How could she do this? She had already answered....she didnt want to hurt me. How could I get through to her? More importantly would I be able to get through to her? What was I to do there and then..

Skip 2 hours into the future I couldnt cry anymore. My tear ducts were dry. We went to bed for what I thought would be the one last time. It still ate away at the very thing that is me...I laid there on my back with her huggin into me saying she will miss this.

I closed my eyes and escaped my problems until the next day.

Saturday

When we awoke we talked. The whole thing is a blur to me, but I know what I said was the truth and I somehow convinced her not to fret. She wanted to be with me and believed it will work. Boy was I relieved. If it wasnt for my innate ability to express how I feel and think I wouldnt be where I am today.

As for the day's activities there is no importance held there for this documentary of such things.

She wanted time to herself. Understandable but can be fatal. Off I went after my shower into the torrential downpour. This moment in my life could be tagged by this phrase, When It Rains It bloody Well Pours I stood there in the rain. Nothing else mattered after what had happened. I eventually reached my Nan's place where a heater welcomed me with dryness and money for grog, not to mention the charcoal chips and uber-micro lamp chops. We had our chat and so did my long-time-no-see Uncle John about life and universe. I was rather shocked to hear this speak come from him. Here I was thinking he was completely insensitive to things around him but how wrong and rude I was. You can never really know enough about a person, even family.
My Aunty Rose came around to pick me up to her place. We had a deep talk about r\ships and what makes things tick in them - all those factors. And so here I was talking to Mark and his girlfriend Ashley about life and the universe and the things people do and say over cans of Bourbon.
Fastfowarding the irrelevant stuff I got home that night to the statement that she had been thinking. I guess I failed to get through to her. This was it. I braced myself. She even talked to friend who listened to her more than discuss with her. This was serious. What I was about to hear made me crash back down to earth and add on 10 years worth of knowledge, wisdom, maturity, respect and thoughtfulness.

Many Many MANY things were listed. Most not for such an accessible publication as this. Some things need to private. Essentially she listed all the things she didnt like. My friends (the female ones), family (cousins who she has fought with), me doing the opposite of everything thats been asked (Properly due to been miles away thinking about my problems and not quite registering whats being said at times), and also how I dont know how to cook or wash. (Long story that one).

I didnt know what to say. What I did in the end does not get blogged as I think Ive revealed too much already. Later, surprise surprise, I cried again. Because I was happy of the great history we have had together, all those times.

That night it was a different story. She started to cry, louder and harder than usual regretting breaking it off at all. Asking me if I dont want to I said no. Essentially she is going through a rough patch at the moment in her life where she feels like nothing. What can I do? Its going to long and damn well hard but I have faith, belief, and hope that she will get over this unease. I know she can do it and I know I have something to offer in the process. It could be a small battle but Im not going to put my hands down now, she's worth it and I will not give up because the going is getting tough. Im not going to quit and Im quite adament about that. In the meantime what I can try and do is give her the space and company she deserves to sort it out. Give her the support, helping hand, listening ear, guiding arm, and warm heart that I have been and will be doing so.

Sunday

The day was fine as it was until we went to the general store.

I couldnt get over at this time of why I have to laugh at someone when they joke. Maybe I dont find it funny, maybe Im too deep into thinking about my problems that cant simply be put aside.Maybe I just cant be stuffed to laugh at them. Now on reflection Kat did have a point. My protest at the time was how sad someone doesnt like it when someone else doesnt laugh at their jokes. Throughtout the past I have been guilty of not particularly "joining in" or "coming back". But since this came up the rest of the day went quiet. She was off in her bedroom with brother Ashley. I was being the usual stupid me and musing over what was said before than just getting over it and on with things! She came in and asked what was wrong and I explained. Yes babe, I know now, I should get over small petty things. I went to hug her and she turned away from me. I walked into the bedroom, Kat was writing and Ashley was drawing. What was I to do? I went to my Aunty's again. As soon as I got there Kat SMS me and asked did I have a problem with her and why cant we talk properly atm and why do I keep going on and on about things. I chose to talk about it later. 1 hr later I was back at her place, ready for something to be said. Nothing. We watched the Sixth Sense and everything was fine. We cuddled a bit and gave each other fleeting smiles. Although just me I think the movie somehow cheered us up and everything was fine for the night.

Monday

And On The Monday They Rejoiced and Drank With Their Friend Smirnoff

Indeed. I walked to the local Bottle-O and grabbed ourselves a bottle of vodka. Hiking all the way back to the house we feasted and skulled. Eventually running out. Enter the beginning of tonight's problem. I decided to ring my cousin Mark to give us a lift to Coles to get some more drink, paying him for the kind favour with grog. At the door he mumbled something about his car. He went and came back with his sister (my cousin) Shelley and his girlfriend Ashley. Enter my gut instinct - this is not going to go well.

Everything was fine and pleasant and diplomatic epecially between Kat and Shelley (a VERY bad history exists between the two stemming from high school days involving horrendous fights). Once Kat said we all cant go in the car thats when everything was triggered. First it's illegal to go in a 5-seater car with 6 people. I suggested to Mark if he could take Ashley and Shelley back home so we have enough room. Kat's mother had rules about who was at the house and who goes with who when going out and leaving the house alone. Kat also needed to get money out for the drink and she wasnt going in the same car with Shelley.
Cutting it short Shelly went skitz because it may have seem to her we were dordling. She said some hard words against Kat and I explained that we live in reality and what you want wont happen. So she threatened to bash Kat next time she sees her down the street.
Cut to Shelly storming into the house. Kat and Ashley are locked in their mother's bedroom speaking on the phone. Turns out they rang the cops with good reason. Shelley was threatening to break things and I think she went to kick the door down with fail. I warned Shelly its best to get out of here, you DONT want to upset anyone. "Get fucked Gerard...." and other variations of this exclammatory comment were said.

Later we ended up out the front. Shelley would not leave. As for Mark and his girlfriend they were in the car. They finally left and Kat said to me the cops are on their way making it seem it was my fault and I was about to get it from the police. I laid on the front lawn and broke down. I cried so hard. When will all this shit stop? I cried more as I heard Kat crying into her mother's shoulders. What have I done? A car pulls up. Shelley was back for more.

She demanded for me. Seen I caused this I will deal with this I thought. Once again she demanded for the money. I said her best shot would be to just piss off. "What did you say!?" I said, "JUST PISS OFF" My cousin slapped me on the left side of my head. "You shouldn't have done that" I screamed. "Why what are you going to do? Hit me back?" she replied. I was tempted too but no, she is family and I would regret it. Once again I forcefully told her to fuck off. Before she did she turned around and slagged all over me. Before she got back into the car I called her the black sheep of the family. The car left finally with Shelley making sheep noises.

I returned to the grass patch near the garden and cried. I heard Kat cry into her mother's shoulders and I cried harder. What have I done to her? I have pissed her mother and Bob off so much. Julia came up to me and patted me on the shoulder. I was surprised at this because I didnt think I would get it nor deserve it. Cut to me continuing this outpour of emotional breakdown in the lounge. Kat didnt want to know me. I've fucked everything up. Well done Gerard.

I was told she wanted to see me. We talked and talked. She didnt blame me for "I had no idea Shelley was in the car and didnt know what she was going to do". I was shocked that her parents weren't pissed off at me. If they were, I was warned, I wouldn't be in the house. Kat was glad I had some sort of self-control with Shelley. Epecially considering my statement to the police later would have had me saying how I assaulted her back. I didnt charge her in the end just a hard word which I think never got delivered. (Writing this 2 weeks from now). Everything returned to what you could call normal, how things were before all of this every started. Epecially when Kat said to me about our relationship, "love conquers all."

Tuesday

Too upset to go to Uni I decided. Kicked back and went shopping with Kat at Mid-Valley. Missed the train and so I enjoyed a night in in front of the heater watching All Saints and Stingers and playing Super Nintendo with Kat.

Wednesday

Learnt another thing today. "Get-off-your-arse-when-gf-hears-weird-sound-outside-bedroom-window-and-damn-well-check-what-it-is". Me being the idiot I can be and most well seem to be often, didnt move. Future note to self. But digression comes into play at the moment.

I walked a thousand miles to the station and took that ever so shitty boganite 12:20 Vline to Spencer St. After the standard freak show at the Moe station (Soory Moe folks if there are any of you out there) I had my well-deserved nap.

Shock, horror. What had I stumbled on? Uni class was damn well brilliant. Turns out our lecturer chose a supernatural theme for our storyboard illustrations. Right up my alley (Yours truly being the X-Philes Fanatic cum UFOlogist cum ghost believer and UFO witness that I am). Ever since that day this assignment was quite good for a bloody change after all the shite ass. (assignments) we've been doing.

Friday - Sunday

Nothing much to be commented on here or devulged into. Other than staying home for a change since around the time of Easter and getting much needed sleep there are two gribes I have to make.

OPTUS
Those arsehats have done it again. My better half went off to a party in the local area. The arrangement was made that if it was good she would call so I would come on down and drop by. She did exactly that but in true Optus fashion I never got the call. Fucking fucktards. I've had it up to the highest hair follicle on my head with those incompetent wanks and the service they provide. This is not the first time either which makes matters worse for them. This is the preverbial cherry on the cake as it was explained the party was great....lotsa people...lotsa booze...spit roast and more importantly...a jumping castle. Telstra here I come!

Priests
Normally I dont mind them. Some I have even liked, epecially the one who liked to talk about how to make bombs and sex. No wonder he got excommunic8ed* (expelled from thy priesthood). But there is this one prick at the church I barely go to now - Tynong or more precisely The Church In The Victorian Farm Shed (Ex-tourism location).

I walk in, take my bow and sit down on the last phew (poo?). I see something scurrying across the floor behind me. Was it some vermon? I wasnt fair off. Fr. Loschi (Lastwank? - french prenounciation). He and I go right back to well.....last summer. That story another time.

He kept mumbling something to me about going to Confession. Yep thats right, its been that long where now I have a priest forcing me to go to. Surely not? As I was trying to decipher his thick French accent I could tell he thought I knew exactly what he was saying but was being a smartarse as I can be. You be the judge. Finally I worked out what he was TRYING to say....glenuflection. In normal English words, kneel down instead of bow. He said to me "he was sick of me" and "kneel down". What a dick. In my honest opinion I think he is nowhere near to be labelled a priest. Priests dont tell their laymen, parishoners, he is sick of them and dictate them what to do and how they should enter the church. My good friend said to me that he has even said to people, "if you dont like it here go to another church" Surely a good priest wouldnt repel people from his church at what seems the drop of a hat in some cases? Not that I really care...

Monday-Thursday

Work work work. Rang my gf every second night, that was about all that happened this week. All that is really worth saying is YAY. 1 month holidays at long bloody last welcomed superbly with Uni friends down at the local pub with a $2:30 glass of VB.

*My god...Im uptodate with my blog. Hurrah.

Friday

Stay tuned late next week after I come back from Kat's.......adios.

2003-06-03T01:00:00.000+10:00

Monday-Wednesday

Head Down Arse Up

Essentially since the past week began after the eventful 18th\car problems\accommodation problems w\end...I had THE most productive work week for a while. I put my head down and arse up to get from being an underdog in the work sense to being ahead. Mind you I was verbally exhausted after writing 6-7 essays (3-4 pages each) in 48 hrs and a fake job interview for our module; Business 1.

Thursday - 4:10pm

$21 One Way Concession

GODAMNIT!!!! FURY!!! RAGE!! ANGER!! *Gerard snorting steam* Fucking hate clicking on something at the wrong time and loosing all this writing you hadnt published.

After my "job interview" had been finalised I set off on yet another journey. $21 One Way Concession Melbourne To Morwell! NOT FUCKING HAPPY. The stupid Indian prick behind the counter finally realised after all this time that the date on my Health Care Card expired many days ago. I reinstate....NOT FUCKING HAPPY. Other than that I bumped into a long time mate from the days of College on the train. The mate who was my first assistance director on my first film in Year 7. We had a marvellous yarn until he had to get off at Tynong.

Nothing much really happened tonight. Kat and I had our fun ;) (said with the thought of some sort of sexual innuendo) which was incredibly satisfying and then relaxed other than packing the few odd boxes here and there.

Friday

The Day The Wheels Started Moving

We woke with an early start as their keys (Kat and her mother) had to be picked up at 10:30. Pity that. Im not a mornng person and nor is Kat so today we were feeling rather crappy. After bumping into my Nan at Coles (ESP let me in on that one - had that feeling it would happen) we toddled off back home to begin the long hard haul that is - packing. Only problem was her mother Julia hadnt quite realised or start doing anything about it, that it was time to start packing.
From what I can remember packing was all we did. What I can remember is we slept for 1 hr at 6:30 - the earliest we have ever been to bed. We had little for dinner as everyone went out and left us there with very little food.
I realised tonight Ive been an idiot for a time now. Much a long story but tonight it was made clear how important and beneficial foreplay can be than "getting straight to it". But I digress on such personal close matters between two people leaving you with the closing statement it ended up quite well for us both. *innuendo*
Munching, watching Simpsons with following bugger-all TV and entertained by the antics of our skills at playing Donkey Kong we went to bed to face the day that awaits.

Satuday

Once again we had an early start. Today was the day. It had finally arrived. My good cousin Mark rocked up at midday ready to do what had been negotiated those nights ago. And so the fun began...Kat and I packed.....fridges, washing machines, beds, boxes, tables, cabinets were moved. 5-6 trips down up and over the hill to and from. It was bloody funny to see the empty boxes fly off the back of the trailer and see cars weaving and dodging them like Witches Hats. We had 2 casualities. Mark has a tendency to show off a bit in this car and didnt realised he should go slow when carrying a trailer-load. Other than our box fatalities he also crashed the trailer into a light pole. Fuck we screamed. For his sake he was lucky, only the mud flap had been dented whilst there was a heavy load up above it.
That damn cabinet from Juila's bedroom was the preverbial cherry on the cake. We were royally stuffed.
The night came to a closing end with supreme feast of fish and chips and helping Kat unpack her belongings until we just had to crash into bed. Oh, after Donkey Kong that is.

Sunday

I woke with the shittest mood and advent of a cold. I knew today wasnt going to be good. I laid around in bed a bit until Kat got me enthused to play some Donkey Kong. The 5:30 train I was aiming for. But my mood made me into one of those uber-sensitive moods. Like all arguements and upset episodes I cant remember how it came up but Kat said she had something to tell me next w\end. Me having that insecure nature with r\ships immediately hit the alarm bell and wouldnt leave until it was said. But she insisted on telling me next w\end so she can properly sit down with me and discuss it. I guessed everything under the sun as to what it could be and from what was worked out in the end - its sort of something she wants me to do and my reaction would involve laughing. This was nailed into my head countless times as I freaked and asked if a break is needed or we are breaking up or there are sexual problems or seeing each other too much. I really do embarras myself at times like this with my antics and wish it wasnt so.
From here on I missed my train and had a deep and meaingful about how Im ashamed of certain aspects of me etc etc etc that Im sure you dear reader woudnt be particularly fussed about if you dont know. Also Im not elaborating too much as I begging for bed. Mind you, later in the night I wasnt too happy whilst watching The Bone Collector that her ex rang.....AGAIN. Every night either on landline, mobile, or SMS he talks to her....seemingly all the bloody time. I told Kat too what I thought and she perfectly understood as, if I were to ring my ex and ask how she was going she would get jealous and wooried that she would loose back to her. Quite frankly I told her that sometimes I wish he would fuck off.
Its hard to put into words how lucky one can feel with having a girl like her. Always there for me and always helps me to look at the bright side of things. Im at a lost for words with how happy I am to have someone like her and what she means to me. All Ive been wanting Ive been getting from her. Thank you my sweetheart.

Monday

Sometimes Lies Are The Best Things

Waking at that time (10ish) that I normally do and have for the past consecutive amount of days, I laid there in bed musing over the w\end and its event and particularly last night.
Bloody Hell
Went back to sleep and missed the 12:20 train. But that was ok we woke each other up properly *innuendo*
Today was rather empty, Kat and Julia were doing their condition report and there wasnt much to be said. I felt empty too properly due to exhaustion and this virus. Plus the fact I missed Dad's 51st yesterday due to my own emotional wreck at the time of departure that forced to stay another night was going through my head. Sometimes lies are the best things. They dont need to know everything. Its best sometimes they dont. As far as they know I got there early and JUST missed the last train to Melbourne and leave Monday morning for my train to Uni.
It was settled that the 5:30 train was the best considering the time it got into Pakenham making it look like I just got back from Uni. I felt happy again altho shit I felt when we departed each other's arms. We are going to start writing love letters now as a means of keeping in touch due to lack of computer and phone usage abilties. But for the primary reason we cant get enough of each other it seems and can read these letters at times of missing\loneliness.

By the end of the night my voice was going and I was ready to crash into bed.

Tuesday

The Day of No Voice

Nothing came out. Not a sound. I had no voice. It had left me. I tried my hardest to speak but all I got were grunting noises and strained words. Great.

As for today's proceedings, Uni was actually ok. Colour and Design we started on. Great thing also is that they didnt do anything yesterday. Seemingly when Im not there they dont do anything. Great.

Once we had chosen our painting we then proceeded to digitally replicate it in Photoshop. My "Kramer" (Seinfield) painting is looking stunning and coming along nicely. Great.

My mate Nathan came around to "catch up" but I knew too well once he said he and his gf had broken up it was more than a just catch up. Altho rather a short visit his just as confused as I am as to where he and here are headed. At least it's not up to me to solve. I would like to solve my virus infected Kazaa Lite though. After watching a great episode of Buffy (the character Andrew you just have to admire) and comforting a "net friend" I headed off to bed. Really great!

2003-05-27T01:41:00.000+10:00

Thursday - Monday

The Stuff That You Have Missed Since Then

Thurs was a day that I cant remember what I did. Except for JMC's shitty computers giving me the shits. As I left early I realised I had missed a tram. So I ran...and ran I did. Even if I had a sleeping bad whose cord was cutting into my hand and a "sardine-packed" school bag (The greatest bag I have EVER had. Many times it has been "sardine-packed" since 2001 and it has still lasted me after all this travelling). Once I was on the tram it was a case of somehow making old farts hurry the hell up and get on, so the tram can get moving. I ran to the point where I thought my heart would protrude, burn through my skin from being warm and falling out . I got on the 4:46 Taralgon train with 3 mins to spare.

Morwell was drenched and rain plummeted. Worse still, I had to wait in it. Kat and Co were having dinner. As I hopped into the Taxi I was so happy to see my love. It had felt like ages. As we arrived back home we hugged. It made me warm deep inside my heart for at a time of hardships Im having with Uni and life's obstacles all I needed since things came crashing down last Sunday - was a strong hug from her. And a good talk about it all.

Other than watching "A Simple Plan" DVD, massaging and relaxing in the arms of this Angel, I slept in peace.

Friday

SNES

A relaxing day indeed. Nothing spectacular to keep your interest or care at heart dear reader but it was a day of where we shopped for a B'day card for my longtime mate (fellow ex-blogger Adam), waited for lasagna, and shopped for a top at Supre for Saturday night's festivites.

On a side note, when it comes to winter or autumn, try not to sleep in too late. No longer have you just cleaned ur teeth and done ur hair for the day, it comes to close with it's early sunset and dark cold hours.

Kat had a ingenius idea tonight, she brought out her old SNES (Super Nintendo) where we spent the rest of the night playing Mario Allstars, Yoshi, and most importantly, Battle Game. Good thinking babe. I swear that game will continue to be popular for a long time for people like us. Other than hugs and intimacy from her, I think thats what I also needed to ease the stress - The Mario Bros.

Saturday

At least you can rely Mario and Luigi

We graced the streets looking like a million dollars. Kat in her white pants, brown cord belt, base\brown lace top, slicked back hair with two sexy strands of hair feely hanging over her face; and I in my denim flares and brown retro body shirt. If looks could kill.

Enter Trades Hall. After a dose of Macca's, we, particularly me, fiercely fought to find a toilet that is open, vacant, and with toilet paper, we arrived at Adam Chander's 18th Celebrations. He seemed taken back to see me there, and Kat by my side. Whether it was me or not, I felt his teary-eyes over the heartfelt B'day card that told him what is to have a true friend like him. Happy Birthday mate.

Neither of us couldnt help to feel soory for him. Here it was his 18th. His own mother opted for Church then be there for her own son's 18th, a good friend of ours just wasnt willing to fight his way to the party despite travelling shannigans, and not that many turned up. The bar was expensive and music more "atmos" than "dance". But it was his 18th and I was happy to be there for this longtime friend. I
I was so proud to introduce Kat to him and my other good friend Rob and his family. It really made me feel proud to know and be with a person such as her. I would get a megaphone and tell the world if I could.

As Rob, Kat and I walked up the infamous street that is Lygon St, Kat and I mused over buying alcohol elswhere. We simply didnt have such dollars for the amount of drinks we were after from the bar and we wanted to "kick our heels up" for a night considering the things each of us have been going through lately. Depsite Safeway's lack of LiquorLand, we found a Bottle-O. "4 pack of Bourbon thanks." "That'll be $10"

It was like highschool all over again. Drinking and smoking at the back of the building. This was all very well but we had nothing to do. So I rang my other longtime mate, Stefano.

Off we went to Flinders St. travelling amidst rubbish covered and drunken bum infested trains to Cheltenham. I couldnt help but to feel soory for Adam. We came and left not long after. But Kat re-assured me it was fine, after all, we had been there for 4 hours.

All Good Things Must Come To An End.

Here was our severe dilemma: Stefano's Arab pot-smoking flatmate decided to go psycho and not let us stay in Cheltenham for the night. "I am Jack's stress epicentre" I couldnt think what to do. Strangely enough it seems people are so use to me having a solution for everything I was promptly asked, "What do you want to do Wills?" I stared outside and I stared at Kat's knee. We were stranded in this freezing, foggy Satuday night.

Arriving at Hallam petrol station, I thought it would be best that I drive up there to Morwell (Our only option we had at the time). As I drove, Kat sat quietly and Stefano slept. Here was me, 2 bourbons 2 hrs ago under my belt, paranoid about police, driving into fog so thick you couldnt see the lines. I was scared. Everything had become so shit all of a sudden. What went wrong?

Just when things get bad, they get worse. Picture the speedometer in a non-heated car; 100kmh, 60kmh, staying on 30kmh on a 110kmh Highway and crawling this speed for 20mins out in the middle of the piercing blackness, blanketing fog of the night.
We looked under the bonnet and things were fine. If there was ever a night of sheer hyperthermia inducing weather, a night so dark you can cut it with a knife, and as quiet as a graveyard, this night would be it and more. The engine revved for Stefano and he drove us off into the night.

I sat in the back with Kat arm in arm. I had gotten so cold I couldnt feel it anymore. She was wooried and so was I. Am I cursed? Why wont things work for me? This thought process changed when the same power problem struck my mate. Quitly travelling through Moe and the fog, I started to laugh. Kat laughed too. You really have to laugh in times of crisis. As we laughed about our night we felt better about it. As we got back to Kat's, I couldnt help but to woory my guts out for Stefano's drive back home. Although Kat thought I shouldnt have driven home, I had to. I wasnt going to let my mate drive up there and back again and increase the risk of him falling asleep at the wheel. Rather me than him.

As Kat and I crawled back into bed, we finished our remaining Bourbon's and played Mario AllStars on the Super Nintendo till dawn. At least you can rely on Mario and Lugi to work.

Sunday

We didnt get up until 5pm. When we did, we played Mario Allstars again. After a refreshing shower and beautiful plate of lasagna we went back to the world of Mario until we had enough.

Monday

Successfully my alarm went off at 10:15. Welcome to the start of yet another week of Uni Gerard. Already missing each other and departing each other's arms, I went back to my travels.

Bob The Taxi Driver I thought would drop me off at Coles where I had to get money out for my Vline ticket. But no. He parked 3 streets away. I ran. I ran with the bag I had Thurs and the sleeping bag I never used.
Grabbing some cash I ran to the station and set off back to Melbourne.

2:45pm I came into the classroom. Ive been luck enough to time it right where I dont miss anything. To no surprise the net was coming and going. Today I felt slighly happier in a longtime at Uni, despite it was Monday.

No Place Like Home I was pissed I couldnt use the car for this much-needed w\end for Kat and mother's move. Other than trying to handle a convo of 4 pple-in-one, I searched for a way to move the goods from one st to the other. Kat and her mother rang alot of people, once again, nothing wanted to work. Enter my cousin Mark. After some wheeling\dealing and negotiating, he agreed to do it this w\end for $50. All I have to work out is how to get money for train fares.

From the weekend I had I feel as this night continues I can get my Uni assignments done. I feel refreshed in a somewhat subtle manner. I can do this and all with thanks to one special...extraordinary person I saw on the weekend.

2003-05-22T01:15:00.000+10:00

Wednesday 21 May 2003

As "Wings" once said, "Just Another Day."

Bloody Java for WinXP....took me to the bloody Microshaft website and I lost what I had typed - non published!

While travelling on the 112 St.Kilda\Footscray St. tram with my fellow Uni cohorts, they quickly reminded me of another exam we had today. FUCK another exam. Its been less than a week since our last one. This one was 12 pages long and the most wordy, the longest and the most thought-provoking exam we have had yet to date. Thank God that our next exam isnt till August. Dont get me started on the internet being down AGAIN at Uni. Marvellous what $10,000 can get you at a University.

Consider me "your friendly online technical support". Other than helping out with Kat's MSN\Kazaa techinal issues and my mate Peter's problems with Shake and my problem with friggin Java just so I can play yahoo games with Kat, my night was rather quiet.

On a side-note there wont be any updates until I come back home.

2003-05-21T00:44:00.000+10:00

Tuesday 21 May 2003

Sometimes Hope and Determination Gets You To Places and Makes Things Happen

Firstly I apologise for my unfaithfulness to this Blog. I have had somewhat, personal problems lately, that have governed things lately. I will endeavour to clear the last few days up as ALOT has happened. Things that have put a whole different slant on myself in particular. But digressing to today's observations, ephiphanies, and disgruntledness......

Today was somewhat a little better than the last couple of days. It might have rained like it was complementing my problems but today was the first productive day in a LONG time. I actually got a fair bit done on my current assignment - make an interactive CD using Macromedia Director. The objective being to do a "DVD" like menu that acts as a promotional CD for my upcoming movie - "Tools On A Hill". Although pissing down with rain and the cold sweeping in on the City of Melbourne, I stayed back late and got most of it done to only end up waiting 20 mins for a tram.
Am I finally starting to relax mentally? I slept on the train on the way home for a first time, in a long time. Made a welcome change than staring into the blackness of the night through graffeti etched M>Train windows like a zombie.

The night as it has been has been mixed. One minute there was not a chance for my girlfriend and I to get accommodation after Adam's 18th do Saturday night... then there was. Everyone I rang couldnt give us anything. We were upset...nothing ever seems to work. Why is everyone I seem to come across going through a shit at the moment? Is it the moon phases? Lining of the planets? Electromagnetic forces? Some sort of bizarre Darwin Theory? Who knows...maybe it is because we live in reality. Luckily I came across God....in the form of my good longtime mate Stefano who allowed us the possibility of a potentially good Saturday night. Dude if you are reading - I will be eternally grateful. Kat and I really need a break from our day in, day out experiences. Thank you.

2003-05-15T01:18:00.000+10:00

What It Is To Sleep-In

All I can say is waking up at 10am is better than 6 something am. Today was surprisingly good for a Wednesday. The train was quick to and from Melbourne, I got an extra potato cake, I did better than what I thought on the Sound exam, the internet was working (Hooray Fucking Hooray), my apple wasnt rotten, my animation rendered superbly, dinner was good, solved another computer problem of the girlfriend's (All about deletion of user accounts in XP), finally got Premiere 6.5 to install correctly and Shake, and my gf invited me up to her house tomorrow for company:). Amen.

2003-05-13T00:24:00.000+10:00

Let's Do The Timewarp
Go back 1 week ago and a bit. This is where I have returned to explain. Let's do the timewarp....

Thursday

Uni was Uni. But at the end of it all I had my warm light to greet me - my girlfriend. Once we (Her, her mother, and I) went to the Royal Children's Hospital and meet up with Bob The Taxi Driver, Kat and I were dropped off at Spencer. Fast forward to us walking the streets of Dandenong for 1 hour looking for a friggin FISH AND CHIP place. I mean a hairdressers was open at 9pm for God's sake but no fish or chip under warm lights in an aluminium container to be seen. Hardcore Hunger Pains. Thank God for some lonely quiet pizza shop.
We are our pizza in the new place at the very epicentre that is the slums of Dandenong. The place was quite nice actually. The bedroom had potential too. After our feast we settled down. But something was wrong. With respecting as much privacy as possible to her, Kat didnt like the place. There wasnt that excited and happy feel. Something else was at play. Tears were shed and it was finally decided the place wont work. Back to the drawingboard I guess. What was at play is the Polish soccer player flatmate of hers had changed the rules and ONLY allowed to use the phone to ring Mum. Not even give out the number to her own mother for Pete's sake! Considering that and similiar absurd ways of living, I understood in the end why she didnt want to stay. And so for the first time in months....I went to sleep before 1:30am. Or was it 4?

Friday

When You Laugh The World Laughs With You, Cry and You Cry Alone.

You have to hate waiting. Epecially to be picked up somewhere by your mother.As we waited in each other's arms, my mother came tottering along in the stationwagon. This is where the nervousness first set in. How will it go?
Arriving at the Dermotologist for the ever-determined bastards called pimples in Noble Park I began to feel relieved that Im finally doing something about them. But then the nervousness would take over of leaving my mother and girlfriend to talk. What will they talk about? Will they get on?, I wondered as I faced Douglas Wong - persumably skin extraordinnaire man who got rather snappy when asked too many questions, read the side-effects of achne medication like a Bingno announcer with a spilling of 100 side effects. Dryness of.....skin. Dryness of.....lips. Dryness of.....knees. Dryness of.....scalp. Dryness of.....hands. Dryness of.....of hair. Did I mention I could go dry? An incontinent person's greatest dream.

I was rather scared of the consequences and numerous tests I may have to undertake in case my current medication doesnt work. It really turned my stomach. To add to things it was raining and a massive traffic jam.

I coudnt help but to woory....alot about how Kat will go when she arrives at my place. Will she be ok with how it is? What will she think of what I have in my bedroom? What will I do if she doesnt like the house and feel incomfortable? I was so scared. I was so paranoid. I just wanted it to work.
As soon as we entered my house I felt her immediate reaction. How would I overcome it and deal with it? One small step for me, one giant leap for the relationship. I took her into my bedroom, she sat still on my bed. No movement. No nothing. I knew it all along. How was I stupid and irresponsible enough to have bikini-clad girls up on the wall and a collection of "mens magazines" on my bookshelf whereby you can easily read their splines. I feared the end for she would never comfortable again in my bedroom, let alone the house. It is a big thing in a relationship the porn issue. How could I have been so selfish and immature? What have I done? Straight into the bin they must go.

To make matters worse; my mum was hassling us to eat because "it was that time of the night" where most people eat. Nor did she like the fact we were going to Maccas. Even after I told her "We are NOT hungry!" How dare they make a fucking show too with screaming, "Leave the door open!. Leave IT OPEN!" Even phsically pushing it open. They have deceived me too. When Kat was going to come down things were fine with her sleeping on a small bed in my bedroom - trust no one. FUCKING BASTARDS! Cant they consider how I was feeling and just wanted everything to go smooth. Anyway not getting too vented with ranting, we left.

I didnt pipe a word in the car. I was on the verge of crying. When you really think about it my Mum and Gran put on such a show no wonder no one really wants to come here and put up with their shit. Upon entering the Macca's we had a long discussion. What we spoke about is between her and I and that it will stay but all I can say is - she is the most amazingly understanding girl Ive met. After reassurance and what not and other things which Im sure you dear reader really give a tinker's curse about we ate Maccas and travelled to Morwell.

Wait. Demo at Noble. Asian Doc. Storm. Traffic Jam. Nervous bout home. House first time. Bedroom. Door open. Pack car. Maccas. Me upset. Kat cheer me up. When it rains it pours. Drive. Talk..CRY! WATER! WAS thinking" Video Ezy. Lil Princess. Nugget. Coles. Popcorn and wanka bar.

Sat

Up 1ish. Lawn. FUCKED CORD:@ Tree. K-Mart. Mothers Day shopping. Safeway. Target. Nothing. Home and me shower. G. Video Ezy and Coles. First Kid. Massage. Bad mood. No talk or look. Leave room. Me cry aloud. Me on floor. Hug. Talk. Phone. Me being pissed, used and upset. Serious talk. This | |. Ok in end. So tired.

Sun

Late outta bed. No pillow. Rest of tree. Pack car. No go for Dandy...arghhhh! Loose Ciggies. Me late shopping at Coles. Gran and shits. Gods and Monsters. Bed at 2ish.

Monday

Thankfully I arrived just in time for the first-ever Australian Effects and Animation Festival. As before I kinda got lost in the shitty complex that is known as Federation Square. It was packed upstairs After receiving all the necessay showbags and pass I browsed thru the Tech Lab. To my surprise I bumped into the man responsible for a small children's show on the ABC called "Plasmo". I had met Anthony Lawrence at a library talk her gave us on both occasions. We caught up ever so briefly and he enquired about where Im at with my CG talent, but that was it. The Tech Lab was mind blowing!! They had various guys and girls from the industrry selling the products that make films you see at your local cinema realised. I was fascinated by the guys from "Apple's Shake" Their demos and showreel was astounding. As were the guys for Discreet. Panasonic was there as well with their cameras which reminded me to talk to them at a later date about hiring prices for my next film. Apart from the widescreen TV's and monitors showcasing the most amazing software it really was one big eye candy feast.

First up on the agenda were a couple of guys from "ESC Entertainment" who made The Matrix: Reloaded. Works woudnt be able to explain what we were shown at their session. They particularly showed the "Burly Brawl" sequence. Next a guy from ILM came into to talk and explained the happenings at ILM and what's it like to work for such people as "Titanic" director James Cameron or Steven Spielberg and George Lucas himself. It was a bit disappointing though as he didnt show much "break down" of their latest projects.

Having lunch at Macca's I bumped into a fellow festival-goer, Andew. Exchanging emails I was happy to make my first contact at this festival.

After lunch we were shown a pice of software called Boujou - a great easy to use program that camera tracks your 3d object into a scene. Great stuff.
Next was the TVC (TV Commercial) company Illoura with their behind the scenes work on the Monaro Car Game ad and the Craft Bullants Peanut Butter ad. I managed to chat to the speaker afterwards about work and was motivated after he said they have employed anyone from brick layers to air conditioner installers who have had just a simple passion for things 3d.
The guy from a Sydney based company who did the Wiggles In Space was pretty shithouse. He was nervous, repetitive and tried his hardest to fill in his time ratio.
I was really excited to see the guys from Complete Post (a company in Sth Melb just down the road from my Uni) who did the FX on Ned Kelly. That was just fantastic! And incredibly interesting as well.
One more shit session was seen from the German female rep and French/Canadian male rep from the company Pinnacle. I dont hold a high opinion of these guys as I have a video editing product that has caused nothing but hassles for me one too many times. It seemd as if they knew their products are shit and so they tried their hardest to convince us theirs was the best. Truth is...they are really shit and everyone in the cinema knew it.
Things picked up as the Dinner/Drinks session began out in the foyer. Free Beer and Sausage Rolls for everyone. Brilliant. Wish I drank more beer now but was too busy on my eye out to plug myself and get my name known to a few industry figuers. I happen to speak to a rep from Tasman AV (Audio/Visual) who my friend Adam Chander hiring an awesome camera from for his Yr. 12 movie last year. I struck something of an interesting proposal to the Tasman Rep and stated how they dont treat young student filmmakers as myself as kids. If we were to break the camera then we simply take it back to them and they will replace it straight away so you dont fall behind in schedule. She also mentioned a rate of $80 and up for a week. I await their latest catalogue in the mail. Marvellous! The guys from Shake I decided to chat with about how to use this brilliant compositing program. Little did I know at the time I was talking to Tim Baier the man responsible for working on Fellowship Of The Ring and Matrix 2.
The Short film festival was top notch. The shorts were interesting, original and extremely funny some were. Didnt disappoint one bit. But I was glad to get out of there and get home late I was exhausted.

Tuesday

Damn I was buggered but I had to get there on time - for the first session were the guys from Weta Digital discussing Return of The King and their character portrayla of Gollum and how he came to life. That was really in-depth to the point where it was information overload. Bloody good stuff though!
The guys from a company who did the FX for a film yet to be released called Danny Deckchair was boring and put me to sleep. But I soon awoke for the guys I met from a film course I did back in 200 at the AFTRS (Australian Film Television Radio School) Michael Gracy and Peter Webb. They spoke about the effects in the Sugababes's video clip "Shape". Im obsessed with that song now. They had a great session with us as they were funny (Gracy is a legend IMO), original and now their craft so well its inspiring everytime to see it. Good stuff guys. I was hoping and praying I would get to talk to Michael after the show but some stupid cinema patron of a bitch kicked him out. There goes my chance to get in contact with him. Fuck.

I really wanted to stay awake for the "Shake" session that followed with Tim Baier but the warmth of the cinema increased my incredibly overwelming tiredness that made my eyelids heavy as rocks.
Even the guys from Harry Potter and the Chamer of Secrets put ALOT of people to sleep. As an Englishman he was softly spoken and had the most monotonous voice. Not to mention he showed the same thing over and over. Still interesting to a degree though mind you - such as the scenes involding the Weeping Willow, the Cobra, opening sequence, and train/invisible car chase.
The guys from the short Australian film "The Forest" weren't too bad but didnt have much to show except nearly all the ins and outs of colour grading and digital crows.
The festival came to a close with the Adelaide guys who did some of the major effects on the soon to be seen movie, "The Core". That was pretty good except there wasnt much behind the scenes breakdown or step by step footage. As everyone left that bloody German woman and Canadian guy came along once more to TRY and plug their shitty Pinnacle product. Unbelievable, they were really desperate, exclaiming to us to "Dont forget to get our free showbad with demo CD" out the front. Some people should stop trying sometimes, epecially on the sales side.

Once again I was damn glad to get back home and collapsed. I cant remember if there was any other eventful happenings as Im writing this on Fri 13th June. 3-4 week from all of this.

2003-05-12T00:51:00.000+10:00

Wednesday
What do you know? Nothing happened worth blogging.

Thursday

Just when you think things can get worse, they dont.

Thanking God that it was a Thurs and the end of my working week. For the first time in yonks we actually did work in Uni class. After I created my 3d animation of an asteroid bouncing off Mars (Yes bouncing in true beach-ball deformation style) I tottered off to meet my adorbaly gf Kat down at Spencer St station. From there, her, her mother and I went to the Royal Children's Hospital to meet up with Bob The Taxi Driver. After our journey to the slums of Dandenong, Kat and I went and found her new flat on Potter St. God I seriously hate Dandenong. To my surprise and to her Kat's re-assurance, the inside of one of the rooms in this plain brick block of flats was quite decent. First thing was first - we set the bed up properly and swept the floor and marvelled at this new room. Once we had meet her polish soccer-player flatmate Matt we took off and searched the depths of Dandy for a fish and chip shop. The hunger pains were extreme as they come. Tempted to get food from the train station platform we were disappointed to find there was nothing. Thank God for pizza shops. I shall finish this at a later date......say tomororw night...Im tired...Im emotionally exhausted....I have a big day tomorrow...*my first big film festival attendance WOOT* ....and i want a shower....have to get up early.....and had a msn chat's worth of unhappiness from my baby......farewell till next time.

2003-05-07T02:01:00.000+10:00

Nothing beats a good sleep.

I woke up feeling like a million bucks. Off I went to Uni, grabbing my usual dosage of potato cakes and Macca's small lemonade sprite at $1:35. Today's Uni lesson was much better as we dabbled in Director 8 and battled each other out in our ritualistic playing of "Quake III Arena". "Why the fuck cant they get the damn internet up and wokring successfully at this place?" Again, like yesterday, I was happy to go home on the 5:48 Pakenham train from Spencer St to a not-so packed train.

Other than my ritualistic watching of Buffyand the comforting of my gf - the night was about uneventful as a firefighter's stay in Antartica.

2003-05-07T01:51:00.000+10:00

Im really not a morning person.

Silverchair came blaring into my sleeping eardrums. "Why has Kat turned on the TV, especially when it is still dark?" Then I realised...it was Kristy and my eyes were closed. Detaching ourselves from the warmth we had created, Kat and I decided we should get up considering it was 8:15am. Kristy HAD to leave at 8:30am. Mind you we had to wait till she left the room so our nakedness could be dressed by our sleepy un-coordinated hands and blurry, sleep-encrusted eyes. Brilliant, we were out at 8:30 to brave the cold frosty Richmond air that awaited us. Kristy seemed quite pleased we were out by the time we had to be. Dumping my bags (one being a LARGE Myer bag containing my brilliantly warm doona) off at Uni in Sth Melb I was surprised to meet someone I know from a mate's 18th earlier in the year who might be doing Audio Engineering. Realising Im still the pov bastard I have been for the past few mths, I didnt have enough money to even get 2 potato cakes from Flinders St platform. Thanks to 5c from my gf we were able to gorge out on the fatty food that be-eth the potato cake. Walking around Federation Sqaure and gazing at TopArts I was woken up more by the surprised bumping-into of my good mate Rodney and his gf Celly. Bloody brilliant to see them again. Kat and I staggered out of the building to a 10:30 morning sun gleaming down on Melbourne where we sat and rested. Ever had that experience where you are so stuffed and cannot humanly do anything else? But you keep going? It was like that whilst walking up Flinder Lane and the tram-ride down Collins St, in between keeping an eye out for M>Tram or South Yarra Tram Attendants for ticket inspection. At Spencer St station we said our farewells and off we went in our separate directions.

After visiting one of my all-time favourite Melb stores - "Minnotaur" YOU GUYS ROCK! I realised I was on the wrong side of the road and saw my 112 St Kida\Fitzroy St tram coming down Collins. Off I ran.

My return to Uni saw me dozing off from the aforementioned w\end and ups and downs during the class teaching of sound. Other than that, being bored and ending up playing MarioKart 64 I was happy to go home when the time came. Just to top it off - it was THE most packed peak hour train Ive ever come across. Half lit I stood there with my old school bag and doona I put with a 30 yo Indian male in a 10 yo's body joking around about the lack of lights. Then there was the old Asian man chanting some obscure mumbo-jumbo.

The night was superbly topped off by my gf telling me she took the place in Dandenong - 1\2 hr away from me rather than 1 hr away up in the sticks.
As I showered and re-capped the w\end's events I thought how true it is that it is always good to come home.

2003-05-07T01:24:00.000+10:00

And on the Seventh Day He Felt Shite.

After a heavy night all I needed was to wake up to my mate's ringtone and a very interesting video clip on the good ol' "Video Hits". - "United Stated of Whatever". It was the most interesting clip I've seen in a longtime since my days of getting up early to watch Video Hits untill a wank of a priest from my old school deemed it inappropriate and told my parents not to let me watch it. But anyway.
Having a family day that day I was promptly forced to get up and get out when my friends left. Taking the tram from Church St down to St. Kilda Beach I walked around aimlessly, gazing at the street market and any cast\crew from "Secret Life of Us" who were aimlessly wondering too and seeking a cubicle. "I swear to God it has been something I ate or some vindictive person I know put a laxative in my drink." Feeling shit as it was I wanted to do something to take my mind off it. Unfortunately slipping into the bad habit of woorying over small things, I thought my gf wouldnt be able to get down to Melb or miss each other at the designated meeting spot. So I went to Dandenong.
Again I walked aimlessly around Dandenong Plaza, waiting for 1.5 hrs for her to get up, have breakfast, shower and get on down. Waiting for another 1.15 hrs and some number of phonecalls later we met up at my home away from home - the cinema.
Recovering from our late night\early morning adventures we somehow managed to find the engery to check out "that Church" opposite Flinder St station then later onto St Kilda Beach. The night was brilliant. We strolled the beach and had an intimate discussion on the pier. It was near enough to perfect. Remembering the plan was to get back to my friend Kristy's flat before 7:30 we left and made way for the tram. SHIT...we missed it. Having no choice but to catch the 7:40. Kristy wasnt happy as this put her and her bf and brother out by 1\2 hr. She told us to go elsewhere and find something to do while they went out to a 21st and come back. I wasnt happy Jan. 30mins isnt asking someone of the world in this case to just wait. She said to me that she has never put Alex and Roger out in all these years making it sound like - "Well Ive known them longer than you so they get preference over you." Bullshit. If you want to play the game this way then no I have first preference as we were friends before we were even born.
Off we went on the tram upto Jam Factory where nothing took our interest. Walking up Chapel St and then Church St freezing our absolute arses off and other body parts in our short-sleeve t-shirts we were teased with multitudes of furniture stores with nice queen size beds and soft inviting white couches. We were just a couple of well-dressed nomads.

Seeking shelter at Crown Casino and enjoying some late night window shopping, we ended up huddled on the banks of the Yarra River with me wearing her girly but oh-so-comfortably-warm jumper under my shirt.
Whilst waiting for a tram on Flinder St some guy offering coffee and soup to the homeless yelled out to us if we wanted some. Seeing me with parts of the tight short white sleeves of her jumper poking from under my shirt he asked if I had broken it. Well....we thought it was amusing.
Entering Kristy's flat it had that uncomfortable atmosphere about it but I was glad to be somewhere warm ( as was Kat) with a bed we settled on the couch and watched Hollow Man. Thankfully Kristy went to bed as I was annoyed from earlier about her issue with us.

One of the best things about this day apart from whom I spent it with was ending up on a 2 air-mattress arranged bed in the loungeroom. Ending in deep discussion, warm cuddles and other warm activities, we slept like there was no tomorrow. One problem.....there was and it started at 8am for us.

2003-05-06T01:21:00.000+10:00

Tis What It Is To Be Young.

Saturday came gleaming in thru my curtains at 2pm as I awoke. Feeling thankfully re-freshed this time around I essentially bummed around the house and caught up on some "late-min" Uni assignments. (You have to hate making lop-sided zoetropes and thermatropes). Wondering how my gf was going at a party down at Carrum Downs I quickly sent her a msg "MSN style" and toddled off on my endeavour for a decent night myself with Mum and Dad. Alls well was going well, particularly with lasagne, pasta, and other fatty feasts. VB included. Upon presenting my independant Yr 12 Films on their wide screen TV we promptly left with my long-time-known-each-other-since-we-were-knee-high-to-grasshoppers friends Ryan and Kristy. Once entering Kristy's flat in Richmond we took part in some enlightening drinks of Vodka. Me being the standard joker I can be sometimes had a joke about good ol Black Label Lemonade. For some utterly bizarre reason Kristy took offence much to my sheer surprise. "Dont knock this lemondade. I try so hard to make sure I have everthing you like here. Im doing pretty well for what I get." This is where it first started. WHAT THE HELL? Being bedazzled by such an unpredictable defense system I repeatedly stated I was joking around and drink the stuff with some amount of love for it. We left it at that and went off to "Studio" Nightclub.
This place would have to be the biggest sleaze-joint. We encountered problems as there was a 2 guy\2 girl ratio. Their preference being: majorly girls are welcome. The night was fine with dancing to retro music, R N B and what-not, try-hard wankers trying to pick up and some slutty little teens who creeped in somewhere. Throughout the night I had became very concerned for my gf as I had tried ringing her to see if she got there safely and have a general chit-chat bout the state of our parties. 5 attempts later; no answer. Not until later I got through at 4am-ish and found she was safe and sound. For some odd reason Kristy profusely apologised to me for having a "go" at me over the lemonade fiasco. Me being the "she'll be right-dont woory about-its all good-happy go lucky" fellow I am told her not to woory about it and and its all good. We danced like crazed nocturnal creatures till some ungodly hour in the morning ending in us pissed at Maccas Richmond, me spilling a sundae but successfully dodging it from having a "white stain" on my lap and collapsing in a heap.

2003-05-03T02:20:00.000+10:00

Good Evening (or whatever time it is in your zone) Reader.

To much personal amazment I've decided to get this up and running and hopefully endeavour to keep it updated. Being inspired by my good longtime buddy, Adam originally over at
M>Goat but now currently at Agentfareevader I thought to myself...."hey theres a snazzy way to keep pple uptodate with goss, family domestics, rants, philosophy, and NOT SO standard shite a 19 yo male my age gets up to."
My stats are: Im currently 19, Male, lives in Pakenham (originally a Frankston boy), and is aiming for Hollywood and the Oscars. (Fim Director).

Thinking that I would wake up feeling refreshed at midday, I unfortunately didnt. My trusty ol' gut instinct is telling me I am coming down with something (epecially considering every other preverbial Tom, Dick, and Harry is as sick as a dog). Being the human I am, I am in denial I am coming down with anything remotely contagious or cold-like.
Today's activties for me were as monotonous and uninteresting as the gloomy grey Autumn sky that hovered there like the clastrophobic force it seems to be. I hoped online and spoke on the seemingly dominant and significant player in our lives - MSN Messenger. Once again my gut instinct came into play and told me that my (incredibly adorable, sexy, cute, unique) Maltese girlfriend Kat (luckily being from Gippsland too - Morwell) wont get to my place for the standard "meet the parents" we all go thru and be shown the "here's x on the rug naked...this is him taking his first bath...." and eventually end up staying the night. Something I was VERY elated about. But Vline intervined and decided to leave the station 10 mins before she got there. Determined for this to still happen I hoped into the car. Upset, fuming that something so minor caused this and convinced my instinct can predict the future we did a renewal of plans. After an uplifting phonecall to her all ended well with a fight with my Gran and me feeling at ease with her and the world as it is.

Before I close this "first time" post, I will end it with what my girlfriend Kat sent to me... *hugs and kisses to you*
"The virtue of true love is not finding the perfect person but loving the imperfect person perfectly. Love doesnt have a happy ending because it simply never ends....."