The Written Word II - Poetry In Motion

Early Morning Ramblings

2005-04-11T03:55:00.000+10:00

I really should be in bed. A long time ago. But, instead I sit here in darkness listening to Thomas Newman's "American Beauty" theme and downloading some Crowded House. On top of this, I have a strong urge to splurge some thoughts onto here, hell knows why? Not like anyone reads this.

I'm going stir crazy sitting here at home for the majority of the time. This month of holidays from Uni seems to be stretching out. But I'm not complaining as there are some hardcore assignments due on the first day back, but I'm just not motivated to do much. I really don't know what's gotten into me.
Would be interesting to see just how many other people have screwed sleeping patterns. From what I can tell, there seems to be quite a few who continually wake up still tired, lethargic throughout the day and up to all hours at night. I guess for me, it's the lack of routine that disrupts everything.

I've applied for jobs, about 8 in the past week but alas, nothing. Always the case. So disheartening and depressing. Especially when you consider a good friend lost his job. That makes two people now that have been made redundant under the age of 20.

I finally joined the gym. After making the New Year's resolution that I will, I did. I try to be a man of my word so I'm happy about this goal. It ain't too bad, except for the morning after my first session where my arm was locked into place from benchpressing. So with any luck, throwing a bunch of weights around and straining every inch of me, I may just be able to walk around next Christmas comfortably with an ironboard chest without worrying about what people will say about my boobs and the gut that accompanies them.

In other news, got bashed up a week ago. First time I've ever had a black eye. Now, normally I can talk my way out and run away to avoid any such confrontation, but this was utterly unprecedented. A friend and I were walking home after some drunken fun wrestling on the side of the highway, making silly noises between ourselves that in no way, can be misinterpreted as discriminatory, racist, or insulting. There were two girls in front of us with their bottle of Beam. As we departed ways, the little shits decided to verbally attack us about our noises and take it personal. Next we know, these "girls" are running full belt at us. We hold our ground. Surely two girls can't do much? They're girls. Sweet little girls who go to Heaven. But these fuckfaces were anything but. I was punched in my head, my mate tackled with his t-shirt wrapped around his body like a straight jacket. What made matters worse for us is the fact they were Mauris. Big, beefy Mauri girls. Luckily for me I suppose I didn't write about this when I got home with clenched fists with a swollen face, mumbling racist insults left, right, and centre. After I told her where to go and what she can do, she kept following. As I walked backwards, I was narrowly missing street signs and driveways, eventually I grabbed her arms trying to calm her down when the slag punched my eye. Anyway, I ended up on the other side of the Princes Highway, yelling out to my mate to drop it and walk off. First thing I thought of was what my Gran always says, "When you get into a fight, your mates will be the first to leave you for dead". I couldn't leave him but I couldn't risk getting involved and making matters worse. So, I rang the police. They were hopeless. After he managed to talk his way out, albeit a punched nose that made it more crooked, he was glad that I "got the violent one". Yay! Yeah! I'll take a few punches for a mate anytime! So here we were, sitting on the corner path, just like a scene out of "Fight Club" waiting for the police who never came and watching a couple of cop cars, AND an ambulance drive straight past.
It's only until now that the black eye has faded and the lumps receded. Mind you, I saw these two girls again last night walking the streets of Pakenham. I don't normally use it but in this case - cunts. Why is it that some black people have a chip on their shoulder? Seriously, we were having innocent fun, nothing to do with them and they turned around and attacked us! Downright irrational-thinking cunts. Boy I'm pissed. (Worthy to note that Today Tonight has an article about Australian girls and families being attacked and terrorised by these bastards).

In other big news, the Pope is dead. Good thing in a way as the poor bugger was suffering. I haven't really been much of a fan of him as I've always wondered what the hell it is exactly, that he does? But when he passed away, it wasn't until then, I heard the stories. Funny isn't it how when someone dies, people always say good things about them but rarely whilst they're alive?
He did squash Communism so that's a fair effort I reckon, not to mention the Berlin Wall. It wasn't until I stopped writing for a minute just now, that I noticed the first sentence - "the Pope is dead". This, is, literally, the biggest thing that may happen in our lifetimes. It's not everyday that a world leader so famous, powerful, and influential dies and subsequently, the attendance of mourners at the Vatican can clearly be seen from space! R.I.P. JP II.

It really is a crazy mixture in the media, funerals and weddings left, right, and centre. Rather interesting juxtaposition. Although I really couldn't give a rats arse about Prince Charles and you know who.

You know the more I think about "Anchorman" the more and more I like it. I highly recommend you watch it. Will Farell is a champion when it comes to humor and acting. Top stuff! Top movie!

Well I've done it again and crapped on about random happenings from the past week. After having two big piss-ups from Friday night (whereby I acquired a certain girl's phone number within an hour and being asked out to the movies, getting pissed with old school chums, and hearing about a mate breaking into my house only for him to find I wasn't in my bed!) to the pool\spa party last night that had too much run, white rum and Whiskey mixes along with crazy sexual happenings in the spa where things involving objects were inserted, gay fantasies, elephant leaves, toe-licking, same sex kissing, and naked tities. Who knows what the camping trip up on the Yarra River will hold this week.

Growing Pains

2005-03-29T22:30:00.000+10:00

...and now, a word from our sponsor.

I was overjoyed to find an old CD at the back of the DVD cabinet under the TV which was a CD an old friend did at the end of Yr. 12. He compiled some basic Visual Basic program with a simple search function for each person in the year level, bringing them up with their personal details and their quiz we had them take. One of the questions on there was, "What's the meaning of teenage life". It wasn't until tonight that I realised the answer to life as a whole, is: growing pains.

Life. It's just sheer fucking craziness. It's fucked up but oh so beautiful simultaneously. It's not unil now, my peak has been reached and thus I am ready to turn everything up on it's head: personally, mentally, socially, and creatively.

Ever had one of those days where so much weird shit has been crammed into the one day? Where it just has so much meaning to why you eat your French Fries the way you do to trimming your nasal hair? Or why you scratch your back first thing upon entering the shower? I've been having alot of those days lately, and quite possibly, on a daily basis.

You just have to stop and take a look around. Take a picture while you're at it.

This whole "me writing about cryptic shit that people won't get, raving about tards I come across, or relishing in how supposedly great something is whereby no one would give a shit about" has fallen downhill. I'm just sick of this shit. This blog. No one comments. No one reads. I don't write. Also earlier attempts at trying to become one with the whole "blogosphere" community. It's rather cohesive, too cohesive I might add. If you ain't writing about politics or raving about some bolding MP with a middle-age spread, you just AIN'T worth it. You are not cool. No one will read or give you a chance, nor will they hold any esteem for you. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. I may have linked on this blog of people from social frolicking of yester-months but Im quite sure they don't read me as I might with them. But, I know - you must write something in order for people to just to take a 5 second glance only to immediately dismiss it. Fuck it all in it's arse. Im going out on a limb and people can like it or lump it. Threatening or just complaining? Take it as you please and you can have your cake with it as well. But individuality grows stronger in me, I want to do something that sums me up, this person right here. It continually amuses me as well bloggers always fit in the descriptive, "self-indulging" in their posts. Well no shit, that's exactly what a blog is isn't? My Mum put it so well a while ago where she said it was rather a case of self-centered ramblings. And even when people whinge about people whinging, that's hilarity at it's highest calibre.

Just why do we blog? Therapy? Attention-seeking? Status-symbol? Piss-poor attempt at journalistic fantasies? Neh, whatever it is, I'm doing mine, albeit on a "once-in-a-blue-moon" routine, for myself and people who want to take part as either a spectator, a comrade in arms, or relish in how shit this blog can get. I am also doing it as a way of looking back, nostalgia, status symbol (although that won't happen), occasionally humble, frequently egotistical, sometimes hilarious, a dash of sex, and above all; honest. Hey, that's what blogs are all about ain't they?

Speaking of blogs on the whole, I have been on the bandwagon as well and neglected things around here like oh so many others have. Ever wondered why this ain't updated?

Here it is, no order whatsoever:
1. Final year University - Bachelors Degree in Communiciations. What fun this is. Im serious! Just from a month of doing Sociology I can aim my commentary gun oh so directly with it's cross hair and hit some social matter on the head. Discussion abounds in class and with voulchers ready to prounce on anything you say, it embelishes passion in everyone, where we all argue and try to can understand this crazy society a little bit more. Capitalism, Socialism, Industrial Revolution, Commodities, Gemeinshaft, Gesellshaft, Consumption and Production. It rocks my jocks down to the socks! Comsumer society - you just gotta love it!
Then there's Communication & Culture that Im studying that touches the art of talking and writing in all it's simplicity and origins, not to mention a dash of anthropology. Composition the online component of the course, and Film: Style & Story. It's a thrill to be able to drive in for class on Thursdays as well during the evening, except the shit on Toorak Rd in peak hour. It is a pain to get up at 6AM Fridays for an all day session. But bah, I can hack it and there's something about the early morning train ride I really enjoy and just doing a full days work.

2. 21 and I don't have a job. Am I lazy? Should I get a poll for people to have their say as to whether I am or not? I swear I'm not, but being unemployed sucks arse. I go to bed 5-6AM as I work on some film or animation shit throughout the night and get up 2 in the arvo. I don't like it, I don't want to do it anymore. I want a job, REALLY want one but alas, every job I come across is either too far, the cunts want someone who's experienced, or you need some special qualification. I don't use the C word much but this has really pissed me off and disheartens\depresses me beyond my realms. How are those of us suppose to get experience if it's such a neccessity to begin with? Not only am I applying for jobs left, right and centre in real estate, selling lights, but also in my chosen industry: film\CGI (as in animation, not the programming language). Problems have ensued there as I need to write different versions of my resume, cover letters to each company and also burn the bloody showreel onto DVD, but even then software that you rely on has to be an arsestick.

3. I'm absolutely sick of the look of this blog too. Old, inappropriate,irrevelant, and just shite. With some luck and of course, time, I'll draw up some sketches for how I want this bastard to look. Something that shows for who I really am, the work I do, and what my dream is all about - Hollywood. I wrote in one post at the previous re-release of The Written Word 1.0 about what the colours, icons and all that means, but it just doesn't fit into who's behind all of this, not how the content is suppose to be presented. Now there's "self-indulgence" in true blog-style for you!
On top of this, I'm working on two other websites. A personal portfolio for the films\animation\artwork I've done over the years and create some kind of online presence for my work for any potential employers out there. Hi to you all! And finally, a website for my current film I'm working diligently on. Being an entirely 3D short film, it does taken up a fair bit of my time. Since Janurary I've been storyboarding the film, two versions of these storyboards, editing them both into a movie presentation, and now Im about to embark on the wonderful world of pre-vis and concept designs. In due time, you'll hear more about it. If it turns out how I see it in my head, then it could just very well be my big break I'm desperate for.

4. Working on a 3D short film isn't entirely a walk on the beach. The storyboarding may have been over and done with; the longest part, but soon the concept designs, modelling, animation, visual effects, cloth, hair, rendering, compositing, packaging and everything else that follows will be coming up; the harder stuff. So you can be sure that late nights over the keyboard wrapping my mind around parameter settings for cloth effects, hair & fur, rain, clouds, storms, snow, photorealism will ensure for a good part of this year and keep up my fucked-up sleeping patterns. With any luck it will be all done by Christmas, so I have a schedule as well that governs things.

5. Today I joined up to the gym. Yes, for those who do know me, it may well be highly amusing shit, but I'm not doing it for amusement. I need to. It is time. I look in the mirror and see the body of a late 30-something year old. I want abs, I want an ironboard stomach, I want some decent beefiness where it should be, and by God I will get it. This was one of my New Year's resolutions and I'm sticking to my word.
I'm still planning on joining the SES, but my real desire lies within the aim of enrolling at some dance school to learn ballroom. I'm just so incredibly eager to take it up (and have been for a long time). I could dance the night away if I had the chance given to me, and the girl. It's always about the girls too.

So there you have it. That was the tip of the iceberg but now you know why things are hardly updated. Any complaints feel free to either let me know and of course, drop a comment. Your guess is as good as mine as to where things will go with not just this site, but life as well.

Tonight is the "Night of Nights"

2005-02-28T18:45:00.000+11:00

...Filmmaker Extraordinnaire is bouncing off the walls and not surprisingly either.

With only 72 minutes left (as of time of writing this) to go, the wait is finally over. The night of nights has arrived and rightly so, what can be called one of, (if not the biggest) night of the year. There is really only one other night that comes close to such charged atmosphere and that's Christmas Eve. Personally, I see the night when the Academy Awards airs as predominantly the most important night. Obviously you would know why I do hold such high esteem and excitement for this 3.5 hour long fest of gold statuettes, gowns, red carpet arrivals, paparazzi, flashing bulbs, and long-winded speeches of thankfulness towards managers and God one too many times. If not and you don't know what I do, browse on over to the profile. Speaks for itself.

In all seriousness, I have been counting down towards this night.With less than 5 minutes before Richard Wilkins interviews the red carpet steamrollers on the widescreen TV behind me, I'm bouncing everywhere like a child on red cordial and have been for the past couple of weeks. Big whoop you might exclaim? Well, holding tightly onto my life goal of reaching Hollywood and being a (professional) film director\producer\writer one day soon; this night is by far, what it's all about - Achievement. But enough about why I watch it.
Following is the list of nominees for this year's Oscars:

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Don Cheadle in "Hotel Rwanda"
Johnny Depp in "Finding Neverland"
*Leonardo DiCaprio in "The Aviator"
Clint Eastwood in "Million Dollar Baby"
^Jamie Foxx in "Ray"

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Alan Alda in "The Aviator"
Thomas Haden Church in "Sideways"
^Jamie Foxx in "Collateral"
*Morgan Freeman in "Million Dollar Baby"
Clive Owen in "Closer"

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Annette Bening in "Being Julia"
Catalina Sandino Moreno in "Maria Full of Grace"
Imelda Staunton in "Vera Drake"
^*Hilary Swank in "Million Dollar Baby"
Kate Winslet in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
^*Cate Blanchett in "The Aviator" (although the bloody 6 o'clock news ruined the results for me. Bastards)
Laura Linney in "Kinsey"
Virginia Madsen in "Sideways"
Sophie Okonedo in "Hotel Rwanda"
Natalie Portman in "Closer"

Best animated feature film of the year
^*"The Incredibles"
"Shark's Tale"
"Shrek 2"

Achievement in art direction
"The Aviator"
"Finding Neverland"
"Lemony Snicket?s A Series of Unfortunate Events"
^*"The Phantom of the Opera"
"A Very Long Engagement"

Achievement in cinematography
*"The Aviator"
^"House of Flying Daggers"
"The Passion of the Christ"
"The Phantom of the Opera"
"A Very Long Engagement"

Achievement in costume design
*"The Aviator"
"Finding Neverland"
"Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events"
^"Ray"
"Troy"

Achievement in directing
*"The Aviator"
"Million Dollar Baby"
^"Ray"
"Sideways"
"Vera Drake"

Best documentary feature
"Born into Brothels"
^"The Story of the Weeping Camel"
*"Super Size Me"
"Tupac: Resurrection"
"Twist of Faith"

Best documentary short subject
*"Autism Is a World"
"The Children of Leningradsky"
"Hardwood"
^"Mighty Times: The Children's March"
"Sister Rose's Passion"

Achievement in film editing
*"The Aviator"
"Collateral"
"Finding Neverland"
^"Million Dollar Baby"
"Ray"

Best foreign language film of the year
"^As It Is in Heaven"
*"The Chorus (Les Choristes)"
"Downfall"
"The Sea Inside"
"Yesterday"

Achievement in makeup
^"Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events"
*"The Passion of the Christ"
"The Sea Inside"

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
*"Finding Neverland"
"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"
"Lemony Snicket?s A Series of Unfortunate Events"
^"The Passion of the Christ"
"The Village"

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
"Accidentally In Love" from "Shrek 2"
"Al Otro Lado Del Río" from "The Motorcycle Diaries"
"Believe" from "The Polar Express"
^*"Learn To Be Lonely" from "The Phantom of the Opera"
"Look To Your Path (Vois Sur Ton Chemin)" from "The Chorus (Les Choristes)"

Best motion picture of the year
*"The Aviator"
"Finding Neverland"
"Million Dollar Baby"
^"Ray"
"Sideways"

Best animated short film
^*"Birthday Boy" (Local Melbourne talent too!)
"Gopher Broke"
"Guard Dog"
"Lorenzo"
"Ryan"

Best live action short film
"Everything in This Country Must"
*"Little Terrorist"
"7:35 in the Morning ( 7:35 de la Mañana)"
"Two Cars, One Night"
^"Wasp"

Achievement in sound editing
*"The Incredibles"
^"The Polar Express"
"Spider-Man 2"

Achievement in sound mixing
^*"The Aviator"
"The Incredibles"
"The Polar Express"
"Ray"
"Spider-Man 2"

Achievement in visual effects
"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"
"I, Robot"
^*"Spider-Man 2"

Adapted screenplay
"Before Sunset"
*"Finding Neverland"
"Million Dollar Baby"
"The Motorcycle Diaries"
^"Sideways"

Original screenplay
"The Aviator"
*"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"
^"Hotel Rwanda"
"The Incredibles"
"Vera Drake"

* is next to the nominee who I'm predicting will win
^ is next to the nominee who will actually end up winning

Immediately after the 77th Annual Academy Awards finishes airing tonight, I will endeavor to write up a review of all the craziness that went on; including: ghastly outfits, blubbering speeches, surprises, the magic, the stars and the joy of celebrating this year's highest achievers in the world of cinema across the globe. Stay tuned for more.

3 minutes to go...

Be My, Be My Baby

2005-02-15T20:10:00.000+11:00

The world according to Eros

Life as a romantic isn't quite a bed of roses. Especially in this day and age. It seems that everyone has lost what the real meaning is behind St. Valentine's Day,("Corporate Love Day" as some would call it) or better still, romance in general. Yes it's a big Hallmark commercial but shit, how else are the companies going to make money? Christmas is right up there with it's commercial vulnerability as is Easter, Australia Day, and any other God-forsaken public holiday. But I will die as a "martyr of love" as readers, bloggers, and anyone else prepare their artillery to shoot me down for when I say that anyone who calls it as a "Corporate Love Day", is already a cynical, jaded person who should hold off their skeptical grumblings till they at least hit the age of 70. Time enough to be sour with all that is around you in the world. Some people are growing up too quick where they are already whinging like goddamn geriatics. With my track record, I'm surprised I'm not as sour as I should be when it comes to these matters too.

I've often wondered why some people are deadset on romanticism, whilst others are just not that way inclined. I don't know where I got my supposed romantic ways from, but I swear it's a curse. You can almost hear people scream "Idealist!", "Dreamer", "Loser" when they hear your views on "what should be done" for loved ones. Fucked if I know why people look down on sending roses to your other half, pulling the chair out, asking how their day was, being honest and not bottling your feelings, massages, and hugs. At the end of the day, these cycnics are the ones who go to bed alone. You would think so wouldn't you?

Well it seems most romantics (that I've heard of or come across) cop the rough end of the pineapple. If anyone has copped the roughest part of the pineapple in their end, it's me. I will save future musings on romance to another day, in the meantime, first thing's first - Valentine's Day.

I agree entirely that you shouldn't necessarily treat your other half nicely for just one day, that is rather absurd. Also it's not that special if you're celebrating your day with pretty much the whole world simultaneously. But this doesn't mean you should ignore Valentine's Day.

It started so innocently.

As far back as I remember, since I was 9, I've managed to have a crush that I could shoot an arrow at on February 14th. Of course, ultimately, nothing eventuates due to my short-comings whereby I am either lacking in confidence hardcore, shy, or just too simply afraid of rejection. An opportunity lost, is an opportunity gone I suppose. The first ~~victim~~ girl that I fall head over heels for was from my drama academy in Frankston. Wow, she was gorgeous. Stranger still, we somehow always got paired up to play either boyfriend\girlfriend, husband and wife, or whatever in most plays we did. I love these ironic situations. When it came to the day, I wrote up the card, looked up her surname in the White Pages and off I sent my card to her. Conveniently, my mate lived up the road. So after a week's allowance of letting the card get to her, I brought it up with him and pointed out the house where she lived. "Um..you sure?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah, absolutely!", I optimistically replied. "I don't think so. There's two old couple living there."

SHIT.

I'm sure I caused a domestic of some sort between Arthur and Martha who were just about to celebrate their 40th Wedding Anniversary, when suddenly Arthur curiously asks, "Who sent this card to you, Love? Is there something you should be telling me".

FUCKBERRIES. Stupid multiple surname listings of people in the same town.

Then there was the girl up around the corner of my street whom looked like Ocean Girl. Damn she was a hotty. Pity she had a fucked up background. But still, accepting "most people's" faults, I sent her a card. I tried hinting to her brother, my mate, to drop the hint to her that it was me. And then there was her older sister who made me dribble. Never heard from her again. Then I had a fight with the ones whom I had met her through, and the world exploded after that. And then she ran away from home...and lived for a bit in the creek over the fence..or something.

Puberty bestowed itself upon me and the chemicals went off like a firecracker in the sack. I had this huge hankering for the "girl next door". Although she lived down the hill, near the haunted house, I was fortunate enough to have gone to primary school with her, befriend her brother through that drama academy, become good mates where she would often beg if she could come along with us. Deep down I secretly wanted her to come, but I kept it quiet and her brother would say no. Some days, she would and all was well with the world. She was my Joey. But I never sent her anything and I don't know why to this day. That's one regret right there. Just before moving to where I am now, her brother and I had a gigantuan falling out because I was "unco and can't ride a skatboard" and "too smart" or some shit. Years later, friend of a friend's place I was at and this Joey came up in the conversation. Turns out she was good friends with her. Six degrees fucking hardcore! Then I heard she was pregnant.

Serious relationships welcomed themselves as a novelty (at first) in the form of a my mate's ex-girlfriend's sister. She was a complete angel. I was in love for sure. I must get further acquainted with this girl. So the days passed at the end of 2001 there and I rang her, we saw Lord of the Rings, I visited her, rang more, and things were quite spiffy. Valentine's Day reared it's head and I had a plan.
Soaring temperatures climbed up the thermometer as I rushed around to some florists at the last minute to get a bunch of Gerberas for this spunky red-head at school. I asked the receptionist to call her to the desk. I figured I would have a better chance of getting one of them in the end. I was in graphics with her as she exited the room, her friends giggling as they had talked with me about it. She came back, bewildered at who would do such a thing. Anonymous went about his graphics work.
The bell went off for lunch and I packed my gear to get a lift to Dandenong for the bus upto Wantirna. It seemed that the whole of Yr. 12 were rooting for me as they wished my luck and I went out on my Valentine's Adventure.

I still remember sweating like a pig, although I don't much in 36 heat. Feels like yesterday. Still remember that idiotic wog who squashed my flowers on the bus! Never had I freaked this hard. Nearly shat myself. I knocked on the door..only to find out that she wasn't home. Ugh! So I sat putting up with her Mum telling me all about her new laptop and the ball of fluff pulling at my shoelaces.

...and so I waited...
...and waited...
...her Mum rang to see where she is and to "get home QUICK".
Finally, she arrived.
The bundle of red roses were given to her along with the poem inside the card. I still remember sitting at the kitchen counter, watching her Mum and her fuss over which vase to put the flowers in. Then later going for a walk with her, hand-in-hand, outpouring my feelings for her. Fuck I was terrified. Every worry, every fear I had was sealed when I asked if I could kiss her and as they say, the rest is history.

(Only now though, this good person not only went to college with her, but is ironically going to the same university as her, in Tasmania! Who knows what the future could hold).

Years later, and a few more partners later - 2004 saw the biggest Valentine's Day ever. My ex girlfriend and I had broken up just before Valentine's Day but things were amended and the Valentine's Day plans were to go ahead. So it seemed.
I'm bloody glad and fortunate to have these experiences as it inevitably shapes up who you become further down the road and gives you a sense of limitations, expectations, and not out-doing yourself. But for this partner, I was planning something big. Limousine. Picnic at the Botanic Gardens. Moonlight Cinema. Breakfast in bed. Just went crazy and too far with it all. I was getting to the point of being in love with love. Luckily I realised this and we eventuated with lunch at La Porchetta where I gave her a teddy bear and yet another poem in a fancy card. It was sworn to me that my gift was on it's way. It never came and we broke up within the fortnight because little had I known, she was thinking of breaking up with me all along during that time.

Friends who know this story say it's why I'm pessimistic with Valentine's Day because "poor wittle Filmy didn't get anything". Not the case. It's this above history right here. It's the track record that says why bother? That's why I say it can get fucked. I always give something to someone and never EVER gotten anything back. Therefore it can get sodded.

That's why I froze for a straight 10 minutes when I saw a Valentine's Day card at my breakfast bowl today. Analytical bastard I am, I looked carefully at the handwriting on the front and realised that someone was trying to disguise their normal style they write with. Inside, I couldn't believe my eyes. If you know me personally then you'll know that I DO NOT get things like this. The content was brief and closed simply with no name. It made me swoon. I accused my parents of setting up a cruel joke but I know they didn't. Unless it's some cruel-hearted bastard friends who did it to cheer me up or something. Bit like Sympathy Sex.

Assuming it's for real and considering I'm normally cynical and jaded with expecting to get anything on Valentine's Day; I'm jumping over the moon. For once I don't do anything and this happens? I have butterflies to last me the next few months!

'Tis The Season For Augmentation

2005-02-12T17:54:00.000+11:00

"That time" of the year

Sitting by the back door here feeling the freshness sweep in from the garden with the wind, I write this as I recover from my latest bout of hedonistic adventures last night at that notorious nightclub, Furnace. Feeling the pains of recovery from too much intake of Bourbon (not to mention waking up still pissed as I tend to do more often than having a hangover luckily) I drum up the strenth to face yet another night out on the town and on the turps. Hopefully. No plans yet.
But amidst all of this, insynced with that stale feeling you get after a heavy night boozing, I was looking at my blog design and decided it too, was stale. Time for an overhaul I reckon.

With thanks to these two and their Blog-esque ways of late, it has me looking at my own. Not only this, but also doing the rounds of other blogs out there, I've noted their design elements, templates, colour palette, and layouts. Some are fantastic. Others are just plain shithouse. Think of it as social comparison in a way. Presentation is everything, other than content and quality. So in hindsight, I got thinking about my own. There seems to be some space here to do something with it. Something that will convey who I am, what my blog is, and all that shite. Also some things have been shitting me with the look of it lately, so there's another excuse for a revamp.

I was going to do a short-listing of the new features in The Written Word 2.1 but I'd rather have you ogle over it when it comes out. Even I don't know what exactly I'll do to it, but the vision is somewhere in my head.

Oh, and as for this "that time* header at the top, that will be revealed in due time as well.

Take Me Back To The Start

2005-02-06T01:52:00.000+11:00

Excelling towards the Yahoo chatrooms for some generic "RILLY WOW?????!!?? WTF LOL IM SNGL3 2 AND LOVE WIT1!111!!11!!1!1!! OMG WIF MAH HANDS.1!1!!11!!1!1!!11!!!!!!" action, I instead opted for the trustworthy Blogger link (under my now, newly organised) IE favorites list. Hedonistic adventures aside for the moment, it is time to stock up on what's been missed as it may and well be truly Blog-stentatious.

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Belated Reflections of 2004
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Diving straight into the deep end without hesitation this time around on how exactly I would word the beginning of this sentence, I traditionally reminisce of the times, places, people in the year that was. It's somewhat of a spiritual epiphany as it is empowering what things you suddenly pick up on further down the track, that is, on the other side of the big date of December 31st.
Every year, in my try-hard Nostradamus ways, I predict what kind of a year it will be. At the start of 2004, I said it was going to be a year of change. Well yes, but more no. Turbulence, that's what it was. Like that pocket of turbulence that can crinkle a plane up like a ball of foil, and compact it's passengers into small balls of insignificance. This would be an accurate summary of 2004. Turbulence. Like the turbulence that made me crash into the ground from a high altitude to the subsequent slow rescue mission that is (perhaps) still being carried out? Or maybe that was a pissy metaphor that's most likely not going to convey what I want it to to my readers? In the end, I'm thankful in so many ways for the good and the bad that happened last year in all that turbulence.

Stemming from here, the last few months were an extravaganza in themselves.

July

First highlight of this month was a nerdy one. Many thanks to my sweet little 'ol Grandma for the helping financial hand - I updated my Pentium III 256MB computer to a hot, steamy sexual hyperthreaded Pentium IV beast of a thing that propels speeds of rendering, editing, animation, game design so fast, that it does the work before I've had the chance to click on anything.
Reality TV sucks me in for once. The Block 2 had me hooked as did There's Something About Miriam which was sheer hilarity! The looks on those guys faces at the discovery of her orientation. Gold! The Apprentice is still THE best show in this category. Pure addiction. Over time it became tradition amongst colleagues to get some munchies and watch it at each other's houses.
Early hours of most mornings were spent playing "Unreal Tournament 2004" on my suped-up system. God, it was an addictive game.
"Dawn of the Dead" would have to be the best zombie film I've seen to date.
First semester Uni 3D short film "Walking With Penguins" is finally completed after experiencing THE. WORST. PRODUCTION. I've ever worked on. Story rather tame. Premieres in the most unusual place - I.T. Warehouse in Clayton in front of all the customers and staff. With thanks to the technician's curiosity and a graphics card hitch.
Local MP, Christian Zahra, spotted shopping in girlie section in surfy store. Amusement shared by all who were present.
University magazine does front-page article on yours truly's work.
Passing mark at University goes from 85% - 90%! Whole new level of stress.
Geek factor No. 2 - Realised I'm a Spiderman fan after watching Spiderman 2. (no, I would never EVER buy the boxer shorts or figurines).
Donnie Darko: Director's Cut reviewed at Nova Cinema. Full house to watch a cult classic of underground cinema. Genius, goddamn genius Richard Kelly is!

August
Proposal to work on an animated children's TV show but project folded due to lack of funding.
Odd commentary on this blog from a character known none other than "Goodles McGee". Culprit never found. An eybrow is raised.
Embarrassing Fact No 1: a certain somebody cries at the death and ghostly farewell of Noah from Home and Away. Hey! It was sad ok! (that admittment is up there with the one to this person for crying in most films I see).
Fucktarded ex girlfriend begin there attempt at stalking me using 3 different emails and masquerades as other girls.
Doom 3 officially scares the hell out of me.

October

Strangely enough, I never quite got around to documenting about my 21st and the associated celebrations. Guess I was caught up in the throws of University. In short, it was one of the best days of my life. Celebrations lasted from my actual date of birth right through to the following Saturday where 40 or so attended a function that went off like a firecracker in the sack. God it was amazing. Food was exquisitely good! Music was a bit difficult to handle that night by this chap but he still tried his best. Many great gifts, vouchers and shenanigans that had me and the crew either high, drunk, or crying into our drinks well into the morning. I experienced every emotion right up until the last person left - 7AM, and after. It took me 2 months to calm down from it all.
Depression rears it's ugly head up at me. Worse bout of it I've ever had.
Became extremely exasperated with everything in life as I came down with Bronchitis, Sinusitis and Chaguntivitis

November
Last "Friends" episode aired. Yes, it was a big deal to me.
University Awards Night - Uni film, "The Friend" won Best Short Film of 2004. Snapshot of our acceptance speech here. Acclaim from many people and followed up by a TV interview. This was then followed by a gratuitous piss-up at pub down the road with the lecturer. Ended a turbulent second year of University perfectly.
Partied for a good 3\4 of this month

December
Finally got my Responsible Service of Alcohol. Another feather in the cap. And because of this I was responsible for getting the entirety of the family sloshed, I included. For once, we didn't watch shitty Christmas TV, instead opting to sit with a bundle of neverending grog and discuss all things life, family and people.
Purchased Half Life 2 for a discount price. The nerd was embraced. WOOT. May God bless Post Boxing Day sales. And by God I was graphed to the computer to a good week or so. Within two weeks it was completed. The verdict? Simply stunning, addictive, and awesomeness to the highest calibre.

And to finally close this come-back post from my recent hiatus, New Year's was perfect to the T. Venturing to Cape Patterson via Drouin where I join some of the crew, after attending a friend's 19th, we arrived only 15 minutes before the big 1. 2. People spewed out onto the street after the town's fireworks were let off right in front of my car bonnet by some middle-aged hooligan. As the assortment of young party-goers stumbled onto the streets and visited 1 of 8 parties going on, we covered every inch of that place acquainting ourselves with the girls (no I did not pick up)and my underage mates being pulled over by the continual presence of police at this seaside town. Oh, and I was lucky enough to walk in on a girl giving some scruffy surfie guy a blowjob on the boardwalk. Sheer hilarity! This was as close as I got to anything "sexual" that night. Kept bumping into them throughout the night and received the evil-eye too many times to care.

As the sun rose and I continued drinking, watching some drunken girl skinny dipping with her daro friends that I accidentally got caught up with, we all managed to crash in my car down on the boat ramp in the end. Incriminating photos here. Awaking an hour later, my mate, Lobido, drove my car back home (although he passed out not too long beforehand). I tend to have a habit of waking up still pissed hence an E.R. Driver. And whilst I was inebriated, I gave much thought to my resolutions for the year. It's a fair load but it gives me goals to work towards:
Soccer and tennis. Miss the days when I use to play and I need to get out more for the sake of my own fitness. Dry-hard tennis freak in the making here. Look out Leyton.
Volunteer in the SES. Something I've always wanted to do. Compared to the days when I was in the CFA, I think the SES might be a little better as it is more than just fires, burnt toast and kittens up trees.
Dancing, ballroom that is. Another thing I've always wanted to do. Always been wanting to learn how to dance so I can ~~meet some hot spunky young thing~~ learn the proper way and maybe invest in competitions. Paul Mecurio, look out.
Airforce. Not permanent, but something on the side. We'll see what eventuates there and more said about that another time.

Looking back on the night that was, and the year for that matter, there was fulfillment. And there was closure. I looked around at what the first day of 2005 looked like, an indicator of what's ahead. The prediction? Change, big changes, and exciting ones too.

Bloggers On Turps

2005-01-15T17:08:00.000+11:00

We came, we met, we discussed, drank, exchanged details and stumbled home.

Deciding to take a short cut through Rod Laver Arena whereby I jumped some fences and gates McGyver style, (geez that places has crap security - exciting to be lurking around there on the eve of the big tournament though!)But anyway I was attempting on walking to Richmond station in the most direct line possible from Flinders St. where I subsequently had to face waiting for my train longer than I expected and in doing my walk, I thought back to the how I got in this predicament in the first place.
Melbourne Grogblogging 2005. What a spectacular night it was. The only shit, shit, shit thing about it was the music. Great selection but too GODDAMN loud. Ugh. I would've thought we would go to a quiet place where we can actually *hear* each other's words of wisdoms. Alas, it wasn't. I swore the music was cranked up more as the night went on, unless it was that "white rum with peach nectar" that got to me..or whatever the hell it was. Mighty fine drink. So at the end of it all, I'm just hoping I nodded my head and said yes and no in all the right places. No really - I did hear what people had to say, barely.

All in all, I was impressed and hopefully I impressed others with my "underground blog". "Ohh, I haven't heard of yours?" or "Ohh I think I've seen your link on the sidebar of Agent Fareevader's blog" were common remarks as we all tried to see in the dark each other's texta scibbled name tags. Don't know how many times I felt stupid or self-conscious peering at someone's chest, especially if said person was female.
At times, the anxiety peaked as thoughts of what others would think ran through the mind, how they would perceive you, or write about you in their blogs. But after, some beers, it was just all cruisy. Much talking ensued as with the drinking. It was fantastic to finally put faces to blogs and names to faces. Or finally see in the flesh alleged "blog celebrities" after hearing so much around the circuit. Obviously too, a many new acquaintance was made and some details exchanged. I am kicking myself though for not actually having the forethought to ask if I can link people up in my humble, easily-missed links section over there on the right. There were some snazzy people out and about last night, not to mention the very fit bloggers of the female persuasion.
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Big hellos to the following people:
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Alex over at The Triumvirate; great to put a face to the blog I've heard a lot about.
The always smiling and charming blondey Carly at Melbourne Tales; enjoyed our conversation.
James at The Emanated Text; how's your head going dude? You were trashed!
Buck Fudd, sorry I didn't get to talk to you longer. Bruce over at The Spin Starts Here. You funny bugger! Thoroughly enjoyed our convo about all things film stunts, picking up women, and other assorted shite we covered. You're a top conversationalist and glad to make the acquaintance. Ill be sure to keep an eye out on your blog! Tillops at Profiles In Cowardice. Bloody good yarn throughout the streets of Melbourne in the early hours of the morning Post Grogblogging. You're another good conversationalist. Deschi at MelbourneHumanFemale; I'm still amused by your inventive use of a make-up case! You were pretty groovy as was Ms. Fits at Reasons You Will Hate Me whom, I spoke to briefly but not as long as preferred. And from what I've heard and saw last night, she is as popular, gorgeous and has a celebrity-status to the blogging world akin to that of Audrey Hepburn to Hollywood in her day and age. And speaking of which, the equally attractive JellyFish whom I shared a delightful satisfaction of munching into Maccas on Elizabeth St whilst I admitted "crying like a baby to the ending of most films". I just noticed you wrote that up on your blog. Oops! HAH. Oh..and then there was her differentiation exercise between left and right with writing left and right on either of her feet in Ballet! Genius! Nar you're a spunky young woman who holds a delightful chat and is quite humorous. Oh, and nice to meet you Mel, I can't quite remember what we spoke about as memories of the night are faded here and there. As I also had a brief chat to Adam 1.0, about something or rather but that's vague too. I remember him punching a green Santa Claus hat or something. Must've been the subtle effects of Melbourne Bitter at play.

Sod it...to the whole lot of you, you're all fine people. Thank you for making the night worth it and an applause to my old mate Agent Fareevader along with Ms Fits, The Supermaercado Project and More Australian Ramblings for their organisation of the night. I know there are others I'm forgetting amidst the plethora of URL's, emails, blog names, and lack of sleep; I am sorry if I missed you. Must update my links sidebar too. Seen I have all the time in the world between now and March, I will browse all blogs and work on clicking on the "Comments" link and familiarise myself with all you good people's blogs, rants, ideas, debacles and shit-slings.

Hell, I might even save my pennies for Sydney Grogblogging II.

Grogblogging - Melbourne Style

2005-01-14T15:48:00.000+11:00

All other posts on hold!

After much reported success from the Grogblogging scene at Sydney a while back, now it is Melbourne's turn. Rather terrifying to think in a way we'll all be congregating in the one spot but yet an excitement simultaneously. One hopes to make a many new acquaintances, friends, and preferably; potential partners for the near future. I've devoted my money aside in order to piss it up to high heaven tonight down in the CBD with other fellow esteemed bloggers, readers, curious on-lookers and a bigger ratio of ladies to men. On closer inspection of the above image you'll see the people behind this event. HEM being on the right there under my blog links. If interested, check out his blog, as this event is more widely documented and contains links to the rest of the crew behind it. I look forward to a prestigious-yet-casual-yet-damn-well superb evening with fine people at their pissed best. I included. After some drinks, or 30, Ill overcome my writer's block then. See you there!

"Friends" - A Tribute & A Farewell

2004-11-30T23:02:00.000+11:00

In 1994, TV changed for the better with the advent of a new sitcom series from Warner Brothers called "Friends". For the following 10 years from this point on, TV improved vastly, particularly on our Monday nights. Worldwide, over a 100 million people tuned into it. Beginning such crazes like the "Rachel Hairdo", and sayings like "I'm soo over that" and "Ohhh myyy goddd", it would soon go on to become the highest rating TV show of all time and reigns the number one television show.

Set in New York, it circled around 6 characters who are close-knit friends in their 20's living in their Manhattan apartments who deal with such things that concern young adults like dating, relationships, marriage, sex, children amongst other things that come with life itself. Whilst on the side, these three men and three women gather frequently at each other's apartments or the sofa at Greenwhich Village's "Central Perk" coffeehouse.

First of, Monica Geller (Courtney Cox Arquette) the chef has an obsession with neatness and perfection in her life. During the series, she marries Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry) whose incredibly dry wit leads him to never be at loss for words. His sarcasm is pure gold at times and provides comic relief in its purest. Across the hallway in their apartment building, is Joey Tribioni (Matt LeBlanc). A womanising actor who works on "Days Of Our Lives", he comes from an Italian background who is lovable in his own way and it could often be pondered if he has more of a love for his food than women. Monica's ex-roommate, Phoebe Buffet (Lisa Kudrow) is the offbeat, waif, eccentric, eternally optismistic folk singer and massage therapist who is the utimate dumb blonde. Monica's hapless brother, Ross Geller (David Schwimmer) is the nerdy man-boy who works as a paleontology professor and has been divorced three times and use to be romantically invovled with Rachel Green (Jennifer Aniston). Rachel is incredibly popular girl with great looks where every girl wants to be her, and every man wants to be with her. (On a sidenote, she's my idea of an intelligent woman whom I would like to settle down with at some stage).

I tried in vain to find some script excerpts and guides but in a huge anti-piracy busy, Warner Brothers has combed most internet servers and taken down the scripts from each season. But if you happen to be true "Friends" fan, some great memories from the show will come to mind with their hilarious circumstances and one-liners.

Never did I batter an eyelid when the final of "Buffy" went to air. Nor did I do the same with "The Practice" very recently, albeit Noah's death in "Home & Away" a little while back. But, as soon as "Friends" started, the tear jerking began for me with that accompanying ear throbbing. It was time to say goodbye to what could be, a big part of my life.

Explaining further before you consider me a sufferer of C.O.S. (Celebrity Obsession Syndrome), "Friends" became a show that I could relate a lot to in my life. It's my idea of life. To have friends in close proximity to me where you can share those good and bad moments of life with means an insatiable priceless amount to me. The idea of that security, that supportship, companionship, and above all, friendship grows more important to me as I grow up. Not to mention, the shows setting of New York City grabbed my strong interest in the place and consequently let me fantasize what it would be like when I get there. Also I have friends of my own who can be likened to these 6 characters, especially the one who looks like Chandler. (Hah - you know who you are). Or the fact I myself has even been likened to Chandler's character traits, although it says here I'm more like Rachel. Go figure. Or maybe I grew up experiencing my teenage years with a strong attachment to the show because of what I could relate to the show myself in my own life at the time. Or the fact that I discovered the show from a girl I got with at my cousin's 16th birthday party that I had my first kiss with and subsequent sexual encounter of the first kind. Better still, Ross's longing to be with Rachel throughout the entire show perpetuates my own wanting to be with a certain female friend in my own life.
For whatever reason it was, it became a part of my life and routine viewing on a Monday night. Just wasn't the same without watching it. I wasn't alone either, my parents began to enjoy it as well and together it was one of those rare moments we watched TV together and enjoyed the lives of each of these characters

It was TV at it's best. The fact it was the highest rating and all time number one TV show, goes to show a lot have similar sentiments to me. Watching the final episode for the first time a bit over a week ago - and yes, I have watched it more than once and yes, it has taken me a week to settle down from it all; but watching it with teary eyes on that night it was a chapter in my life I was saying goodbye too, along with many other viewers. For us, they weren't just six characters in a sitcom we watched, but utimately, over those magnificent last 10 years, they had become our friends too.

Goodbye and Farewell "Friends", you will be sadly missed.

Lead Balloon

2004-11-17T01:40:00.000+11:00

Floating above life, death beckons to pull me down.
Maybe one day you'll know what it's like to have to choose.
One day Ill fly away..for I've all seen the beggar in us begging for a chance.
For no one has seen it in me.
Get a job and walk a mile in their shoes - maybe then you might know what it's like.
Mary read the paper today and heard about Tom. He's plea to the masses wasn't heard.
He nearly lost his head, soon to be dead. Motorbike gone, brains spilling.
The blood dribbled on the road, I wanted to play with it in the rain.
I was there and saw it all; helper, prayer, but helpless. Maybe you know what it's like to have to choose.
Seeing a strong man cry makes me weep. Once to look upto, now to look down on.
Sitting on the corner looking at the wheels spinning. Thinkng up some shit and ending up dead. Domestics Im told, hugs I can't give, no one hears, what's it's like.
The drumbeat stirs my imagination. Wakens my thoughts. Reality to it's sleep.
Sometimes I fear the uncertainly. Let the fear take the wheel and steer.
Whatever tonight brings, I may not be there. The water over wine, onto the wheel and drive. Like that dream that ate me away.
Open eyes, arms folded - you won't be there. One word can say it all. Nothing you would say.
No tomorrow. No temptation. To give in to the idea would consume the day I feel good.
Like every child, I should sit and listen. Look right through me. Heavy and still.
Like a lead balloon.

Take It All Away

2004-11-10T01:30:00.000+11:00

Fuck everything. I'm over it. There's point in fighting. There's no point in trying. There's no hope. Fuck it all I say.

Fuck the lot of it. I'm so sick of everything I haven't been this annoyed, this frustrated, disappointed, saddened, angered, paranoid, rageful, depressed, odd for a long time. Actually, I have no been this bad at all.

Well-Being
Something's seriously getting to me. Maybe it's stress or lack of sleep or something, I don't know because I'm never good at really detecting if I'm stressed until it's too late and I fall to pieces.
On one drunken night I get severely depressed so badly I started writing about how I felt which I've never done before. The other four I was with, each of them had paired up with each other either as attendees to a party over the road there in the Caravan Park or chatting each other up, leaving me by myself. Doesn't matter where I am, I often myself as the *extra* person, the odd numbered one. Weird. Maybe that night it was a mixture of too much Vodka mixed with too much Calamari and sauce and drinking from the night before, but I was about to throw it all up. I wanted to desperately. I always want to throw up when I'm stressed as a way of relieving myself. I remember the next night, our final night, was suppose to be grand and joyful but it diminished as soon as went to the beach. I set the blankets up so we could sit around in a semi circle but instead everyone (the two pairs) ended up cuddling on it and putting the blanket over themselves. What the hell was the point of going to the beach? So here I was, sitting on the sand with a bourbon in hand, watched these couples either massage each other, canoodle, get cozy and basically have their own conversation. Again, I'm the odd one out. Things just worsened and I stormed off after a friend thew a glass at my leg because I pissed him off. I ended up collapsing in some drain there on the beach, gazing into the heavens. The peace. The stillness. Soothing.
I froze up, I cried my eyes out and thought about everything. The impossible career that's facing me and whether Ill get to Hollywood or not. The older I'm getting, the more passionate I become about it but it seems so far away. What will I do too when my parents die? This was what really upset me. I am an only child and there is only myself. Always has been and always will be. Our clan of the four of us here in this family, when they go, that's it. It will just be me. Then of course, I lamented over having a partner.

Love and Sex
What must I do to get a girl? Who really gives a shit right about my love issues? Just another person whining about love right? Well, I just want a partner. That's it. I want intimacy, companionship, I'm lonely, and want someone to be there who's closer to me than a friend is. Ion also severely sexually frustrated and have been prior to the break up with my ex even. 8 months of tension. Bleh.
I know I've covered this before but it worsens each day to the point where it depresses me slightly to see other couples or people who can easily pick up. I don't understand what's wrong with me or if IMHO doing something wrong....8 months and not one thing has happened. Really...Why is it so hard for me to get someone?
It also doesn't help that I've been clucky lately. Yes clucky. Ever since I was really young, I always wanted a family, especially kids. Maybe it was my way of dealing with having no brothers or sisters. I barely got lonely when I was little though. Always had things to do, friends, and enjoyed being an only child. But now I'm getting older, I would kill to have a sister. A lot would say I wouldn't want one, but you have no idea unless you feel the way I do. So nowadays, I see kids and the cluckiness goes off like a rocket in me. I can imagine myself doing a lot, but for some reason the image of me having a family can sometimes be faint or the strongest image I can see in my mind. Being 21, it's set a lot of things off in me. Maybe I'm becoming Ally McBeal-esque in regard to my biological clock and will start seeing that dancing baby. God forbid. What am I talking about? I don't even have a girlfriend for the moment.
And so, this is what upset me on that night in the drain. I walked back, and one pair of friends were still under the blanket. I was upset that no one rang me or SMS me to see if I was ok, so, me being the drunken depressed person I can be at very rare times, I pretended to be highly intoxicated and had a coughing fit (which wasn't acting every since I became sick a while ago). What did my mate do? Just turn me on my side and that was it. He went back to the bundle of blankets and kept chatting to his 15 yo floosey. Usually, you would take care of someone if they were *drunk* and place blankets around them or take them back home so they're ok. Alas, this wasn't the case. So I stumbled home to my bunk bed in the caravan and shut my eyes in the darkness.

University
I'm over that too. It's fucked really. Past two days I've had no work to do, yet we have less than two weeks to complete the most complicated 3d film that has been made to date at the campus. Yet I have no work because apparently they don't have any to give to me. I'm a duck out of water, normally I would be submerged in work at this time of the year, I've been like this ever since 2000. I'm a workaholic and need my work!
Skipping all of the technical issues at hand, the way this production has been approached is fucked. The computers crash, the software crashed or can't render our work because of the way the work has been constructed. It's all unstable. I don't know how many times I've seen that little error window come up telling of the program terminating. Maybe I feel odd too because I'm not the director of this film? I've thanked God I'm not as the shit that is going on...I would've gone over the edge. I think I did the right thing due to the state I'm in where I've burnt out a bit. IM so weak these days. Id rather sit back as Assistant Director and see the main Director fret from stress anytime.
A majority of the people too in my class will not fucking cooperate or collaborate, nor are they committed. The Three C's. Very important I think in any project. It's just not happening really. IM not passionate about it anymore nor do I care. For me this is quite unusual as normally I hang on to a project, even if it takes a year to make like my first film. Not to mention, the project manager expects us to stay at the computer at all times and drink lots of coffee and just work. Fuck that. If anyone is familiar with all-nighters is me. After all the films and art-related projects I've spent many a night on, one thing I realise these days is how important it is to practice OHS. I made an oath to myself at the start of the year I will never do all-nighers from there on, and IM sticking by it. It's just not healthy.
I doubt the film will be finished on time and looking the way we all wanted it to look. IM disappointed. Let it be a learning experience I guess. But IM pissed so much because I wanted to finish on a high this year and this film is becoming just one big pain in the fucking arse. I really don't care about it anymore, IM too drained, too weak to really put that effort in. I started to but then no one really embraced it and gave my something substantial to do. So sod 'em. I could kick all their arses if I really put my mind to it, but right now, I can barely do the most mundane of things.

Career
Another thing that is eating away at me is the fact that now is the time to start my career. IM over Uni a bit, not that I will drop out before the course is over. I was walking around the nearby shopping centre last week and saw people working back late and I thought to myself, "Hey, I wouldn't mind doing that". Unlike when I was 16 or so and worked as a Checkout Chick at Target, or as a Paper Boy in Yr. 12 delivering real estate papers in the local region - I've had a huge maturing since then where I want to work and prove my skills, test them in the arena. Again, with the age I am, it's enough about dreaming having that career, now I must make it happen. Seize and strive. My final year of Uni eases off next year where we attend once a week (apparently) so IM certainly not vegging around at home. I want to get out there. As a result, Ill be booking myself in for a Responsible Service of Alcohol and Gaming License soon and hopefully acquire a night job of such from there. On top of that, next year, I want to get a day job somewhere. IM not really fussed (except for goddamn fast food places, no food). Maybe somewhere like fashion, home and garden, music, electronics store, or something else. Better still, I will try for the film industry as a *goer* down at Docklands new studios and I certainly want to try at Ch. 9 in Richmond there. Always favored working for them. On top of this, I will try for the animation\visual effects industry, especially at two places I have had my keen eye on. And finally, in my spare time, I will work my arse off on a showreel to send off around the world come this time next year. Luckily I know a guy at Fox Studios (who worked on Shrek 2) who has friends at Weta in NZ and other places across the globe. My main aim is to be employed with Weta and work on post production of Peter Jackson's remake of King Kong or his next film, The Hobbit. Long shot, but IM determined. Must improve my work.

Spontaneous Human Combustion
Today I felt like I was going to spontaneously combust on the Spencer St platform. Things have building up in my head since I started the Pre-21st Life Crisis Series of posts. Everything is so goddamn irritating. The way the old 50-something Greek guy in Seven Eleven across the road from my Uni greets me when I walk into the store with my two Greek mates. I know he doesn't like me. Just because I walk in there only to warm up my pizza bun and not buy any of his stuff, opting to run down the street to my favorite pie shop for their sausage rolls instead. Plus the fact too that IM not Greek, he seems quite partial to the others. IM sick of waking up and feeling like shit, IM sick of running late for the train, sick of how I feel like IM an unco walking down the street cos everyone looks at me, and ESPECIALLY fed up with fucking people gazing at me as I eat my food in public. Piss off and get over my wonderful tasting potato cake or dim sim. Go buy your own.
Goddamn tram drivers too...they always slam on their brakes consistently, strange though, because the Caucasian drivers seem to drive well. Not being racist, but really, what is with a good majority of tram drivers who are Indian in origin slamming those brakes? I've always taken close eye of who the driver is and how they drive and what is on the road as a result of knowing people who are tram crazy and drive them. But enough about that. IM sick of my fuggin spelling mistakes in this post. IM sick of fucking metros, bogans, white collar workers, blue collar workers, old people, young people and ESPECIALLY fucking people who come to an abrupt stop in the middle of the path. Inconsiderate again!
Sick to death of fucking annoying ads on TV too, ESPECIALLY car ads, banks ads, real estate ads, that FUCKING HEARD THROUGH THE GRAPE VINE JINGLE, and IM REALLY SICK OF THESE THINGS TOO:

Hillary *IM a skanky fucktard* Duff
Black rappers (I like some but C'mon, they are all the fucking same and don't have anything amazing to offer. Same shit over and over. This not only applies to rappers, but rock bands as well like The OffSpring, Good Charlotte and all those try-hard bands. I've actually skimmed 3 radio stations simultaneously and each song by a different artist is exactly the same. Shit you not).
All Saints (fucking hope all those characters get killed off ASAP and free us from such a depressing show. Trust me, I tried to get into it with assistance from an ex-gf but no...NO I say. Die now All Saints).
Blue Heelers (much the same applies as above)
Michael *IM trying my hardest to cash on how *funny* I was on "The Castle" Caiton
People saying how great The Castle is. It's overrated like sport is.
Dancing With The Stars (Daryl, please stop referring to Hey Hey like it's still on. Get rid of the girl too with all the teeth. Get rid of the band. Also get rid of the judges, bloody stupid how they *always* give 6 or 7 as a score. Rarely high or low. Same old, same old. Get rid of most of those fucktarded celebrities. Except Rebecca Cartwheel, she's hot, except for the squeaky voice).
Ex-cricket players doing advertisements for hair or air conditioners. (You all suck at doing sales pitches and should never been seen on TV).
Australian Idol (don't EVER get me started on this).
~~Gay~~ Guy Sebastian (What's so good about him?).
Shannon *dickface* Knoll (Need I say more?).
Remakes of songs, books, films, and whatever else they feel necessary to remake again for your annoyance. (It's one thing to recycle, but it's another to do remakes).
Whiny Teeny Emo Punky Boy Bands (even when their balls drop, assuming that it will happen *some day*, they will still make shit music that is a waste of space on the airwaves and CD shelves in the music stores).
Fucking Dada Armani clothing range. Brings out the skank\bogan in all of us. Shit, shit, shit brand. You look like a bag of shit.
Britney Spears' new frangrance. ("Brings out the skank in you")
..and fucking Politics (really now, who gives two shits about it? It bores the fuck out of a good majority of people, yes it might be important but no need to shit on about it. Debates, discussions, protests, activists, rebuttals, analysis, reviews, interviews, they don't get anywhere. STFU with it all and get a life. Everywhere people go on and on and on and on....UGH. SHUT...UP. There's nothing you can do about it, without any power at least or a prominent position of authority. But then again, opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one).

Finally..Inconsiderate People
Is anyone considerate anymore? This is fucking pissing me off that everyone hasn't either been taught by their parents, put it to use, or just too goddamn ignorant to use the simple things that can really make someone's day. Absolutely amazing what a simple "Hey, how are you", "Are you ok?", or "What you been upto?" can really mean to someone. IM one of those people and don't care if one single arsehat thinks IM upper class, petty, pathetic or have a plethora of hang-ups. It's called fucking decency and courtesy. What has happened to it? I've always tried my best to make sure I say hello to people, ask them how they are, and what they've been upto. It's the right thing to do and basic social etiquette. Occasionally it may have slipped but hey, sue me alright, IM human. But what really shits me up the wall is how no one either answers my questions, or they can't ask me back.
It's like helping people too. You go out of your way sometimes to help someone, but when you're in need of it? Not a f'n chance of it dickface. FUCKING HATE FUCKING INCONSIDERATE, RUDE, IGNORANT PEOPLE. I've dealt with it for a long time and thought surely it would catch on, or they might wake up to it, but it's something that is very important too because I believe courtesy and decency are important things - but looks like maybe a good majority of people are fuckign ignorant slobs who couldn't give a rat's arse. Everywhere I go, it's there. It's not just one place, at one time with one person - EVERYWHERE. As for these excuses, oh I wasn't thinking or Oh.....*no comment* fuck off. More often that not, this kinda of inconsiderate behavior won't help you to get a job, present a good representation of yourself nor excel your reputation in the job arena, nor anywhere else. I just can't fucking understand it. All of this applies to honesty as well, another very important character trait to me. I fucking hate bike-biting, clandestine messages, back-stabbing, if you've got something to say to my face, bloody well say it. Ill think of you more. Don't say behind my back what you wouldn't say to my face.
Since I've turned 21, increasingly there are more and more things that I consider very important, and courtesy, considerateness, decency, and basically just good manners is something that should be done more in my opinion. Especially in this world. Maybe some of my Mum is rubbing off on me, highly likely, but that's not a bad thing. IM not one to lecture people at the tea table and how to use their cultlery or get their elbows off the table (shit I do it myself), but you know - these little things can make all the more difference and has been proven to make the basis of a good humanitarian.

Now - I am content getting all that out. Who knows if things will get worse. Currently my brain is pouring out my nose and IM sick as a fucking dog..again. But concluding on everything I've said, and for all those dishonest people out there, this is for you.

"If any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now is the fucking time!"

Music Soothes The Savage Beast

2004-11-05T03:56:00.000+11:00

So sue me, I've been having a life and barely been surviving it. But in two weeks time Ill shall be finishing up from Uni for the year and so much discussion will be hurtling forth at such an astounding speed; you're cable connection won't be able to handle it. Posts to keep an eye out for in the nearby future are:

Emotional 21st Celebrations
Fuck-tarded Uni Shit
Moving out of home
Job hunting
Breakdowns
Melbourne Cup and Oake's Day
Degenerating health
Shit-house film projects

I need a hug. Sex. Sleep. A job. And a holiday.

Melbourne's Premiere Entertainer - The Sonic Manipulator

2004-10-08T01:16:00.000+10:00

Amidst the shuffling in Melbourne's CBD of office workers, Uni students, homeless people, contstruction workmen and other various assortments of colourful Melbournians that grace the streets, an eerie spaceship sound is heard. It's bizarre squeal can be heard throughout Melbourne as it pulsates and resonates throughout the concrete jungle, loud enough for commuters to prick their ears and ask, "What the hell is that sound? Where's it comin from?"

Exiting Flinders. St as I do everyday, I'm normally confronted with what is making the sound and hearing the questioning as to where the sound is coming from. Enter this guy...

Usually residing on the corners of Flinders St. and Swanston St. or Swanston St. and Collins St is The Sonic Manipulator - my favourite street performer. This brilliant street theatre-cum-soundworks can be discovered on every second day and if you can't find him? Don't worry - just follow the noise and crowd.

He ropes in the numbers of curious onlookers, amused passer-bys, and any other walks of life that just happen to be within hearing range. He's dynamic presentation of Karaoke-like dancebeats with electronic sound manipulation puts a smile on everyone's face. You could have the shittest of days, and this guy would cheer you up.

I have no idea exactly how he does it but it seems various electronic pads, buttons, balls, sticks, gadgets, knobs are twisted, pushed, pulled, turned by this guy to perform reendtions of music from The Sound Of Music, UFO music, familiar pedestrian\elevator\shopping centre music, whatever - even a fire engine that passed by on the day I took photos of him. I'm a huge fan of beat-boxing so I'm addicted to this guy!
One day, Ill try to interview this guy, whoever he is, and see exactly why he does it, how he had the idea, if he's a professional street performer or just a person struggling to get an extra buck or two. If you ever come across this guy, give him some money, have a good listen and if impressed, buy his CD for $20. I know I plan to!
Photos found here

- Around The Blogsphere -

2004-10-06T19:59:00.000+10:00

This is an overview of what's going on with other people's blogs, whose decided to jump on the bandwagon, and the current status of these people's blogs that I have linked on my own, and visit daily with fervor. This will be a mid-year review of the blogs I find funny, empowered by, and highly amused to an extreme caliber.

"Ogie - The Insane (The Mad Have Come Home)*

Since it's birth late March of this year, it has slowly plotted along amidst the throws of it's author who has had had a topsy turvey life of late - but it is shaping up to be a decent blog of sorts. The author has been a long time mate of mine for at least 8 years now, and have been through thick and thin. He's take on life is unique and can often be labeled melodramatic, pessismistic, and dramatic. But fact is, things are written often how they are felt by him.
Since conception his posts have looked at everything from insomnia to insanity, marriage to Metallica, boredom through to bitching, job seeking, being fired, mental pain, and petrol issues.
The author's journey through life has been long and hard: underestimated by a lot, understood by a few. Consequently, his approach to life and the things that come with it, is unique unto him and unlike anything I've seen before in someone. This abounds in his posts but he does limit his expression and detail to something minimal. It could be said that he's a "typical Aussie battler out in the sticks" but throw in a psychological roller coaster, internet addiction, and a troubled young man and you get a blog that is worthy of your time and thriving with potential to become something good. With closer attention to the layout template, post topics, and content in general, he may well have a real good blog that shows the other side to life that is experienced by some, but survived by few.

"Words Of Madness"

The fiance of the aforementioned blogger, I became friends with her through him and subsequently have been friends since. She has a similar outlook to her other half, and tends to have her a blog as a way of dealing with whatever it is that's on her mind. Incessant ramblings some might regard them, even the author herself, but even the most mundane of things can be touching and thought-provoking. Her life nearly involves the same interests as her beloved fiance, hence why you could say they are together. They battle the shit and face another day. Life fluctuates as much as a thermometer gauge caught between a fire cauldron and an Antarctic freeze outside it - in one post things are good and looking up, next it's full of drama, turmoil, and shite that can be done without. Some may regard her blog as a whinge (like she does) and some may find it blatantly boring, but if you look closer, you may find there is something worthwhile there. If you do check it out, comment on the damn thing too. What one person may find boring, someone may find touching, intriguing, and more often than not, an insight into one person's life that overrules any soap opera. But most importantly, it presents the survival of this life, of her life, where most people would have abandoned a long time ago but she still holds on and treasures it.

"Sunday Of My Life"(formerly the blog known as The Insane-O-Matic)

2003 years after Jesus was born, this blog had it's advent. Another long-term mate of mine for 8 years, he started his online jounal in the hot summer of Christmas once his fellow bloggers like myself had started up.
The author lives on just the other side of town from me, we're similar but vastly different. He's more prone to be at the computer which sees his blog updated regularly since he made an oath to do so of late. He's close relationship with his sisters has seen many a post about them and gives you an idea of what's like being the only male in the house (apart from his father). This blog is one that blends in and out of styles and could be about anything from his love of cooking to his condemnation of those responsible at the Microshat empire for Powerpoint, through to his sensitive sense of smell for fumes and other dis\pleasantries. Although his blog may not be to the liking of a large majority of your Average Jo readers out there, it would nonetheless, I'm betting, be appreciated by those who know him and share similar thoughts. His gift for "useless trivia" is astounding, occasionally annoying, but interesting eitherway. Like anyone, some posts may have flopped like his tale of a D&D related character, Rien, but his rants about his famed next door neighbor is quite humorous, and his disgust for a Tafe teacher he belovingly calls " Fuckrag" is understanding but amusing simultaneously. He has sampled the work place and undergone some beguiling shenanigans that, although, has got him on his "high horse", has matured him for future employment and opened his eyes to the world, and the workplace at hand (in my humble opinion). From his own sense of the world around him and what goes on, it shows through in his blog posts. It started small but with encouragement from others, it is starting to slowly bloom into something that resembles a diverse engagement of life seen through the eyes of a cooking, comedy-loving, D&D playing, geek who's proud of who he is. Blood good on him I say. If there's going to be one geek who shall inherit the Earth, and be his own person, then it's this man.

"Living Is The Most Dangerous Thing We Can Do"

A mouthful to say and impossible to say in a rush, this guy is the newest one out on the circuit. An old friend of a few years from the days of college, he decided to partake in blogging because he figured it would be a good way to get it off his chest. Young in it's age (a couple of weeks in fact), he has blogged about his first party and the unusual events that proceeded the night that I previously covered a while back. Tonight he's just posted about his parents posing curfews over him...at the age of 19. Give this guy a go, he's a smart chap, and needs encouragement to get his blog up and off the ground.

*Hecho En Mexico*

I'm somewhat hesitant to give an overview of this one, it just seems so epic in it's maturity, experience, and is overpowering for the magnitude of popularity this blog has received, not to mention it's fan base.
This guy, like the 3 I've mentioned, has been a mate of mine for 8 years as well but the first and foremost of these friends I came across. He has been blogging for a fair while now and has grown from an amateurish blogger to a writer whose writing style is a continual inspiration to myself and others, perhaps also an envy of ours. His care can be clearly seen in the way he constructs his posts carefully and respects the reader with proper grammar and the occasional tantalising tid-bits that adds humour to the most mundane or serious of issues.
He's outstanding passion for trains, Bhangra, Dancehall, DJ-ing, photography, amongst other things, is overwhelming at times and astonishing at the attention he has for detail, fact, and understanding of the topic at hand. This can be evident throughout his blog. This guy lives and breathes trains. Nerdy it maybe, he is rather trendy in many ways (including the blog), and has had many a comeback with his online publication after a series of events caused him to shut them down. He is also concurrently busy with his radio program on community radio station, SYN FM whereby his show debuted last night. Impressive. Not to mention the DJ at my upcoming 21st party this Saturyda. Yay! If this guy were to analyse the blogs he has linked on his blog, God forbid. They are testimony of just how many people like his blog for what it is and how many he takes an active interest in and associates with. Considering there is just too much to mention about this fellow blogger and friend of mine, his blog speaks for itself.
If any blog would be the true representation of blogging genius, it would be his. If any blogger would be the figure-head of all bloggers, this guy would be it. Call me biased, but I like it.

Hot Off Press Film Production Wraps With Flying Colours

2004-10-05T23:36:00.000+10:00

In response to the hot demand from everyone who has been fascinated by this film I'm working on and throwing questions over my way about it, here is what most of you have been eagerly waiting for.

Friday September 24th - 9am: Unfortunately due to circumstances, I was the only director to be present at the shoot. (the other having to desperately work for the day). Feeling like an old man (I HATE getting up early, except for when it comes to a production of sorts), I was confronted with a number of issues already. Ugh - I had just woken up from riding the train into Spencer St, proceeded by stretching on the 112 tram to St. Kilda. "Where do you want the lights", "Where do you want the camera?", "Where are the props?". Argh, my aching brain! Then the main actor, the only actor, arrived half an hour late. Then the Producer (at the time) is the official stresshead of the production wasn't too happy with the late arrival, not to mention my "supposed" late arrival of "one whole hour" which was a crock anyway.
All in all, the day was fucking shit simply. Our location was suggested by Louis (the lecturer at the time for we doing the Digital Film Production module at our Uni). He offered the underground carpark to the other Director and I (yes, we're doing a Cohen Brothers style direction of this film). Now, the issue was born here subsequently.
One person was placed in charge of finding a location, they failed to do so to the point where the Council of their area, would hang up on them. Once holidays came, I thought the film had better hurry along and I would see if I could find a location. That I did - a brilliant decrepit old house just 5 minutes away from my house. On top of that, with thanks to Film Victoria, I liasioned with the managers of the Melbourne Cemetery and got all the locations sorted out, organised, set in concrete, ready to go. But then our lecturer suggest the underground carpark because we don't have to woory about power access, have his help nearby, and it's central for everyone. Both of us decided it would only be good for a practice run of sorts...but, as the day progressed, everyone decided this is it, this is our location. A underground carpark that has to pass as room? Sod off.
We were going out on a limb here. Admin came down stairs and said we were going "all out on this one" in comparison to the other group who had a few shots in a studio to do. As always, there was a bloody fight about the lighting. I wanted it the other corner of the room to be done at the end of the carpark but one person whinged about having to set it up all again, matching it, and then precariously making it fit in. A lot of people liked the other corner, but time was the basis of the argument and it was settled we film in one location the whole film, and if we had time, to the other corner.
We were shooting a couple or so "simple" shots at the rate of an hour or so. Stress levels were rising dramatically. This, and the lack of sleep led to the debacle over our location shenangigans. I hate film producers, really do sometimes. They sparked the raging inferno by saying we're doing the film here and that's it. "Woah!!! Hang on a minute, we already have locations elsewhere! All organised and everything", I cried out. Leading on, crew members "ganged" up on me as rebuttal flared up like an ugly case of hemorrhoids. The other lecturers came down to settle it, I was so frustrated with everyone I was nearly crying (which is a first for me strangely enough). I detached myself and sat in the corner, buttoned my beak, and cooled down before saying I would regret later. Of course, the producers took over then as if they were the Goddamn directors (one of them happenign to be the locations manager whom couldn't find a location). The day ended with people shitty, and a the main actor grotty in carpark soot. Following this, were accusations and name-calling and disgruntledness all round.

Flash Forward: Wednesday 29th - The same producer who I had a run-in with before, decided to have a personal attack on me stating I was taking too much credit for the film (well I have contributed significantly, the director, and got locations). This person also stated that they found out I had called them a bitch. I said sorry but I still inferred they were, for they did not stand on my feet on the day, but stomped on them. I was the director. Everything I said\did\the direction I gave, was seriously undermined and neglected. That pissed me right off. I say "Oh the camera is great, leave it jus there", or "The lighting is fantastic, don't touch it" - someone would bastard would always come along and move them! My position was undermined and that's why I cracked it. The person then asked why didn't I talk to them about it but the thing was, if they didn't listen to me in the first place, why now? I wasn't going to talk to anyone, I was about to storm out. Films require cooperation, cooperation breeds collaboration. It shitted me too that a lot of people in this class want to settle for something that's mediocre, second rate, haph-hazard, and not put everything they have into making an extraordinary film. They lack passion I think. Then there was bitching of how they had to drive all the way out to Pakenham (Shit! Its one hour from Melbourne, straight up the Hwy and train line. It was for one day of the week. If they can travel to Uni 4 days of the week, then they can do just this ONE day). At the time, I felt it was a fucking popularity contest. I tend to be radical, different, and highly unique in my aspects of approach, thought, and manner at times, but everyone in my class seems to want to settle for the "mainstream" process of thought. They would rather listen to the "cool" people who are easy to interpret, than someone who they fail to understand and don't even begin to try to understand. High School Popularity Contests, eat your heart out.
Meanwhile, the other producer tried to put an end to this this personal shit-slinging feast but I stood my ground and wanted to get it out and clear the air. I was on edge due to the final decision being made regarding our locations. Louis stated the issues regarding the Pakenham location, the lighting, and that it would be good practical experience to go out there and film. Subsequently my fight had won. Position were re-assigned (which was odd I thought). The question came up regarding why they should be two film directors *Insert me rolling my eyes* Daring as I am, I questioned the producers why there should be two of them. One of them responded (the same one I had the run in with), "Well it doesn't matter really for the real question is, why do we need two film directors?" Fucking typical. In the end, that person lost out on being producer (both of them actually) and became make up artist. They were fuming, stomed off to their seat in the corner. Karma baby.

Friday 1st October - 8am: Thank God I had to travel 5 minutes. I met the Set Supervisor and prepared this decrepit ol'house before the calvalry arrived at 9:30am. Photos galore can be found here. Due to the actor being bare-footed, I had to sleep 3 times over the floor (squatters had smashed glass everywhere) and take out the staples from the old carpet insulation.

Filming went fantastic! As the day wore on, so did us, but we were pumping out the shots like a factory of film produce. Curious onlookers from the street starred, slowed down to have a gander and looked bewildered that this quiet old neglected house was booming with activity of that suited to Flinders St. I'm sure this town knows my face for I've done at least a few films around the streets here before. Some friends of mine dropped in throughout the day from across the road to have a peek, and thankfully no one touched the power generator out near the footpath. Only mishaps we had were, blowing up a Tungsten Light, whilst another smoked only for us to be amused by a burning bug that ponged the set with a crisp bug smell. We must've also disturbed a nest of spiders, as some reported them in their hair (including mine) and cropped up everywhere. Then there was the huge ass spider that stomped it's way across the floor as if it were on a mission to kill. An immediate stomp on it with my trusty sneakers prevented it from nearing our actor, who, at that time, was on the floor playing dead!

The day finally wrapped up at 11pm. I had been flat out, as I was now the Assistant Director, Props, continuity Director, and Set Design. I took ALOT of photos, and behind the scenes footage for the DVD release. The power generator wavered the lights just as we finished, perfect timing.

Saturdat 2nd October - 8am: 2 hours of sleep later, I was back on the road, driving out to Melbourne Cemetery. Coming close to falling asleep at the wheel mutiple times throughout the day, I was struggling. By the time I reached Melbourne I was more awake (thank God). Sleeping for half an hour in the car, some extras turned up, followed by a discussion until logistics reared it's ugly head. "I can't leave school with the equipment unless there's written permission", the director told me down the phone line. I staggered off to the main offices and sorted it out with management. Never ever walk the length of Melbourne Cemetery, 3 ovals conjoined it felt like, and with 2 hours sleep in warm temperatures, it doesn't help.
Eventually, the director, cameraman, extras, actors were there at this brilliant spot in the heart of the cemetery that looked like an oasis of sorts surrounded by dead, broken-down, old tombstones, pathways, and trees. I got a starring role in the film whereby I'm holding the hand of the little girl whom is the....well wait till you see the film. The director brought along his 5 year old cousin to play the part. She was such a sweetheart to work with, real cute and was happy to wait around for us to measure the camera, lighting, white balance everything, position trackers, etc. She played her part real well and I felt a connection with her when she was holding my hand, as if I was a father figure. I was in the film but I guess it struck that chord with me of my family plan to have daughters at some stage in life, but I digress. A change came over and the wind belted about our hair and clothes, making the final shot absolutely astoudning. Just how I imagined it.

We wrapped at 2pm that afternoon, feeling at peace that we had done it all. Whether it was the cemetery that did it, but I felt satisfied and peaceful, something I've never felt before when making a film. I have not seen the footage yet, but I will keep things posted on the journey of this film. For anyone who worked on this film, a massive thanks to your collaborative efforts, enthusiastic cooperation, and for all the shit-slinging, rant feasts, and name-calling from our first day - we all pulled together to make, what could be, an astounding short independent film that firmly guarantees a career and asserts us as filmmakers.

Pre-21st Life Crisis - Only The Lonely

2004-10-05T21:42:00.000+10:00

*Best Rant N Spit-Spill To Date. If you don't like it, then fuck off and read something more simplistic*

I've hummed and harred about this post and had many doubts about how I could post it some kind of emotive light. After the advent of my series blogpost life crisis count-downs to my 21st - I thought the time is right now. This is a long over-due post that has been a struggle to compose and structure right. A topic that's very sensitive with me at the moment, the most important, and the closest. This is in no way a post for sympathy, or a vain attempt to get my female readership asking me out. It's something that has made me cried in the past, boiled my blood, troubled my mind, strengthened me, and matured me. Now seems to be the time to post this due to recent D&M's with close friends and media attention on related issues. Not to mention I just want to give up because I've had enough of it all and need to publicise it for my own sake in making it clearer.

I wish I could see where I've gone wrong, or what I'm doing wrong. Sometimes I just want the most simplest things in life, and I can't even have them. Instead I see so many in relationships, and half of them don't even deserve it or shoulnd't be in one.

I've been single for nearly 7 months now. At first, singledom was fantastic. I embraced and relished in every single moment to be free and suit myself. I could walk down the street and perve to my heart's content, gaze around at some of the hot young things parading the streets these days, or be lost in the thought of what it would be like to know that person and be in a relationship with them. Much like thinking about the history of an old toy or a rusty tin in an antique store.

Two months ago this novelty wore off. I don't want to be single anymore. Yeah, I hear you all saying "Well simply just go out and and go clubbing or something". It's impossible to talk to anyone over the music or communicate on any basis. Not to mention all those fucktarded try-hard metrosexuals\fucktarded jocks\fucktarded "cool" guys who can click and girls come racing to them. Another thing that shits me is the fact girls make such a fuss of these guys - "My man is hot! He has such a great six-pack!", "My boy is soooo cute""My guy is sooo hot" What about personality? On a minute scale they might just be lucky, but really, they're cunts. I've seen it\heard it\been complained to\about how the girl thought their guy was great cos he had a six pack, played the guitar, blonde-tips, had a car, nice skin, and great clothes and came across sweet. Then they wonder what happened to their man when he turns around and cheats on them, or turns out to be a wife-beater. Shit, what a surprise there. Wake the fuck up girls, you wouldn't be treated like shit if you weren't so goddamn materialistic. Step back, and think for once about what you're doing and whom you're going after. Half the guys out there are unfaithful turds. Even a pile of shit doesn't deserve them.
I get so easily depressed when I go clubbing these days. As the lights dance across my face, I lean over the balcony with a bourbon in hand watching all of them. Every single one of them. I hate guys, they really piss me off. I've always said that if I went psychotic I would buy a gun and gun down bogans and sleazebags. I bet there's steam I'm snorting out sometimes when I watch some guy who thinks his King Shit of the place, gyrate around the girl, touching her inappropriately, and knowing that he will get sex that night(or so he might think). Or the guy up at a club in Warragul who danced like a male stripper around every single girl. It also fucking pisses me off this facade of acting like a black guy. Why do white guys have to act\dance\talk\ like black guys? If I wasn't such a weak bastard, I would punch them out if I had a physically violent bone in my body. If any one of you guys out there is reading this, grow the fuck up you ridiculous turd. Act yourself so the girl can see you for who you really are - a pathetic looser. Call me old-fashioned, or this a generalisation, but I've seen more than enough in my experiences and know in my beliefs that girls should not be groped so publicly, or treated like "sexual objects". I see it too much in clubs, and it seems to be increasing.

I find it hard to tick. Each day I'm more and more convinved that I will be single for life. One certain person had the cheek to tell me he will be single for a damn long time. He knows who he is. On the contary, if anyone will be single for a damn long time or indefinitely, is I. Friends around me whinge about how they're sick of sex, or how they had sex the night before. All I want sometimes is sex too, no strings attached. Sometimes I want something more than that. But it just DOES NOT HAPPEN. I look around me and see many, many beautiful young things and think to myself that I have no chance. It really depresses me. I've always said that attractive girls have the ugliest boyfriends and vice versa. Guess there's luck for me yet.

Id know...I get like this when I go clubbing most of the time but I never speak out loud about it. I would have a funtime more often than not, but it really fucking niggles me that people think you pick up in nightclubs or other people can and I can't. (No I'm not fat or pimped infested, if you don't believe me, ask for a photo and Ill show you what I look like). Objectively speaking, I have confidence in most things I partake in, except courting\chatting up\whatever the hell it is you wanna call it.

Everyone else I've seen around the LJsphere and Blogsphere has had their rant, and goddammit, I'm entitled to one too. Sod it all. It's pointless...

What's The Deal?

2004-10-01T01:33:00.000+10:00

Many of you have been wondering why this blog isn't updated as much as it should be?

Well..

In short, Im flat knackers on a film production. The last two months have been incredibly hectic in regards to it, and seeing as I'm the Assistant Director (for a change, normally I'm Director); I have had to take care of locations, negotiate with people, prepare a shooting schedule, take care of props and devise them, not to mention the production design of this psychological thriller\horror movie.

We're filming tomorrow here in my hometown of Pakenham in an old decrepit house. It will be a big day with a fight scene to film, blood, one actor and a creature that doesn't exist. So I've been doing a million and one things of late that take high priority than this humble blog (unfortunately,) but I will return with photos of production, what happened, and the domestics leading upto this moment. It's 3am, and I have to be up in 4 hours. I have not forgotten my blog, or anyone, or any topic\rant\shit-spill that needs attending to. They are in the works and once I get this shoot out of the way (finish this Saturday 2nd Oct) then I will be back with many a tale Im sure.

The World Is A Math's Equation

2004-09-14T01:48:00.000+10:00

"Ever seen a portal?"

I could rant and rave for a whole two paragraphs about the bizarre events that have gone on around me. I'm excited, confused, overwhelmed, energized, and at a rut as to how to put it all.

"Like Oh my God, like totally! I sooo can't believe it!" Oh MY GOD!!!11 OMG OMG OMG OMG!"

In essence, I'm wide-eyed like a child. As I thrive as a young filmmaker in this day and age, I witness, somehow, inadvertently, the bizarre eccentricities of this world that amazingly, I always seem to stumble across that continue to inspire and touch me. Even the mundane. The different attract the interesting.

An old friend has gone on to become a priest. A priest! I often fantasize about me telling "Father" in the confessional (if I ever go to it again) about my grievous sins and trespasses that arose from my indulgences in the modern world, not to mention the temptations of the entertainment industry like sex, drugs, and other Hollywood-esque shite.

An old crush is becoming a nun over in Switzerland. I remember the days of posting clandestine notes to her via under the science table for when they (the girl's campus: yes I went to an all boy's school) came over to use our facilities. I've had offers to have a threesome of late, but I know it was a joke. Everyone is sexually crazed. Everywhere I go, I see sex, I hear sex, I see consumption of sex - and here's me, in a void. Drier than the current drought. "Amazing."

Don't get me started on crushes either. They are out there. There could be someone out there right now who has a crush on you and you just don't know it. Anyone..Could be the most unlikest of person. I was informed a girl at the local Coles had a crush on me back in College. Now I hear about it. Goddamit. Then there's the girl in the local Pharmacy I've been in love with ever since Yr. 11. I saw her the other week with a mate, and I don't know if she saw me or not but I was about to open my mouth and let out a noise, even if it was "oehrheaoe" but she walked off, busily attending things in the store. Aww shit. There is a crush (or two) I have at the moment but that's all I'm saying. Then there's the 'other' crush. The girl from Yr. 11 who had such an extreme crush on me that everyone in the school knew about it. Me being somewhat immature then never took her up on the offer because she was acclaimed the most unpopular girl, of course, for no reason at all. Not to mention, I thought it was too good to be true. Ah college years, the things you hear. Truth be, she was fine. She had a good figure, face was nice and had a good dress taste. If only I had taken her up on the offer, if only. I saw her the other night in a van out the front of Coles and it sparked this plethora of thoughts avalanching into my mind. At least I think it was her. I would take her up now. It explains why she was so nervous talking to me all that time. More about this in another post.

"Give women the right to vote"
"..is the world still spinning around?"
"It's in your eyes"

I dreamt I went to New York the other night and consoled Hugh Jackman cos he was so upset. Must of been the finale of his Broadway show, "The Boy From Oz". I dreamt terrorists came to Sth Melbourne and shot everyone in the street and came onto my tram. I escaped unscathed. Turns out they were just pimply teenagers. Must be the manifestation of how I see most young people end up becoming. Welcome back to dreams! I was sick of having blank nights or nightmares (more about that one in another post). Hurray for weird dreams!

People are dying. Women are getting pregnant. The trees are blossoming. Rains are flooding the rivers. Politicians argue like children over a bucket and spade. Friends become closer. A flirt begins. Old friends reacquaint. Bonds strengthened. Music floats through my head. I ride it's wave into my dreams. I sense something big. Sexual frustration and insanity is at it's highest with all.
In four weeks I turn 21, and amidst the chaos of it all, I can see life for what it truly is.
"Spec-tac-u-lar".

(Proudly unabridged, unedited, and spontaneous free-flowing thoughts. Except for the typos.)

Mrs. Ellis, you're trying to seduce me...aren't you?

2004-09-02T02:33:00.000+10:00

Anyone who doesn't have their head in the sand or lives under a rock would know about the recent scandalous affair between a ~~fortunately lucky~~ 15 y.o. young man who had a romp around with his 36 y.o. ~~delightfully spunky and sexually mature~~ P.E. teacher up in the Northern Suburbs.

The lilttle blighter cracked on to her, somehow managing to distract her from her marriage, 3 kids, and the husband. And his only 15. Imagine what he'll be like when he's 21! Wowsers. Potential home-wrecker I think if he embraces his talent.
Reportedly, he said she seemed a "bit alright" and decided to go for the sting. Upon knock-back, he kept on talking her into it. This extremely confident chap denies he is in love with the teacher, Karen Louise Ellis, or that she is in love with him. Also that he would "in years to come he probably would have a laugh at it". Brilliant! Simply marvellous to be so blaize about the whole thing after the rampant media attention. I need to take a leaf out of his book, he oozes so much confidence for such a pubescent shithead.

Of course, the ingenious media didnt want to identify the boy at the last minute in accordance to his request, although the promo ads had already shown his face on national TV. Good one.

But jealous statements and media shit-slanging aside, the part that cackles me up is this statement:

"I sat next to her and said 'it'll be all right' and I kissed her. And one thing led to another, I suppose. We went upstairs and had sex and then I left, probably five minutes after that."

HAH! In true pubescent teenboy sexually crazed prematurity, my best bet is he "spilt the milk" before anything could happen. Or it was a damn quick quickie. C'mon five minutes? (I know what the statement means but I would like to believe the sex and him latest for five minutes - heh). It brings back memories of scenes out of the banned film, "Ken Park" of the skater boi licking his girlfriend's Mum out whilst she is doing the laundry or the classic, "The Graduate" which, damnit! I still haven't seen yet. Must rent DVD ASAP.
What I don't understand is, why such fuss? Naturally, you're safe bet is on the media to blow it our of proportion like it's some real evil crime or scandals of all scandals. If a guy wants to romp around with his female teacher, and it's not classifed as rape, then go for it. Good on him I say. This guy is a champion. Not from a "I wish I was him and could have sex with a sexually matured fine specimen as her", well...perhaps but more a case of someone so young having so much damn confidence, ability, sweet-talking, and cheek to do so and carry it out; at the age of 15.

Now if only I had done that with my English teacher in my early College years.

Locking Horns

2004-09-01T01:18:00.000+10:00

Whilst waiting for a freshly cooked sausage roll at my favourite pie shop on Clarendon during a break from Uni, I flicked through the nearest tabloid and discovered this article.
I'm familiar with these two guys. What the paper at hand failed to mention is that both men are street perfomers. The Golden Guy does his still statue routine around Melbourne whilst the shabby bloke I think I met through this guy a few years ago. Since then, I've seen him playing his make-shift, home-grown drum kit of buckets and paint cans around the streets of Melbourne.
Spending a considerable amount of time in and around Melbourne these days I've become familiar with various street performers, some to be a personal favourite, the Golden Guy one of the favourites. Whilst the other chap I just feel plain soory for.

Clearly the John-Rhys-Davies look-a-like was after some extra cash due to his own street performing shortcomings. The above article reads as:

LATTE lovers in Acland St had ringside seats for a bizarre street fight yesterday. (Yesterbday being August 25th, 2004). It was all caught on camera by Herald Sun photographer Bill McAuley.
A street performer dressed as a Viking fought a 20-minute battle with a bearded foe in front of stunned onlookers in the busy St. Kilda street.
Witnesses said the Viking, spray-painted gold with a horned helmet and plastic sword, took offence when some of his busking possessions were moved.
"They just went for it. It was going to go on and on and on, but the police arrived," a witness stated. No charages were laid.

Pre-21st Life Crisis - Large McValue Me

2004-08-13T01:18:00.000+10:00

We all know the famed mid-life crisis of your forties. Also the crisis of old age in our latter years.

But there's one that starts them all of, that one begins at 20.

It comes somewhere between puberty and your mid-life crisis. You realise a whole heap of things about yourself that you never imagined yourself to be at that age. Considering my 21st is just around the corner, I've found myself reflective on many things. Everything is fantastic with me, except a select number of things. This, over the next few weeks, is a rant\gripe\health obsessed\shit spill sequence of posts of a life crisis....at 20.

1. I am over-weight.
Yep, believe it or not, my figure has gone to hell. Dont get me wrong, Im not a fat bastard (for those who havent seen me) but it is my fear to become one, not to mention Australia is fast becoming known for it's obsese little shits and adults alike. Dount count me in that. I should be buff at this age but I'm anything but. I see my father when I look in the mirror. My love handles have increased, some extra rolls. I swear I'm pregnant too somedays. Yes I am male, a male who is body conscience and has concentrated focus on well-being and hygiene. Essentially my well-being\hygiene is fine but the damn fat - one predominant reason why I hate winter, that good 'ol mandatory weight gain that seems to plague most of us. I remember clearly how my image was great last summer. I often walked around the block daily whether it be due to boredom, relationship problems or the glorious dusk summer weather. (Luckily when I do get depression, I walk, alot). Knowing this, I know where I think I've gone wrong.

1. Computers - the downside to a digital animation course requires your ass on a seat for a good part of the day and then more of that at nighttime for work on various projects. As my lecturer stated, all the best animators are big fat buffoons. I can see why they are fat and good at what they do, it's synonymous rather. Me, I love all that gee-whizz bangery but I don't want to become a fat slob. I choose my outdoor scenes more than having my computer eventually skin-grafted onto my spinal chord.

2. Winter - it's inevitable for everyone that they put on weight to build resistance to the cold icy winds and pelting rain.

4. Food - I eat a lot these days. A large McValue meal before dinner or Nandos, dinner, and perhaps some pasta or munchies later in the night. Not everyday mind you but still, every kilojule adds up. Too much Maccas. Say No to drugs. That smell is irrisistible, a large McValue meal later, I'm guilty as sin. I don't have worms and it's not boredom. Sometimes I wish I had love sickness, then I wouldn't eat a crumb! Instant weight-loss! Unlike some, I don't loose weight from stress, I eat more. I know the solution is not bleumia, or familiarise oneself with the idea of anorexia but I think refinement in my food groups and ease on some would help.

5. Drink - I admit, I totally dig Guinness lately. It's brilliant. Not to mention, I'm a two-can-Sam when it comes to that beverage. Weekly drinks with mates down at the pub or their house guarantees a gut for sure. I've never spent so much money on grog than I have this winter! It's not that I have emotional problems, I'm just a typical Uni student doing the typical Uni student thing of getting pissed of a weekend and battling the coursework during the week. Seems fair and balanced. I'm caught in the vacuum of being a dinky-di pisshead of a blokesoexual, but fear not, I wouldnt ever succumb to that. Besides, a social drink from anyone is a temptation at it's strongiest for me.

Retrospective of all this, I'm saving my pennies for a mountain bike, (after the unknown fuckwits stole my beloved bike of 6 years from the train station two or so years ago). As soon as I save a few hundred or so, I'm taking off on my bike out into the wilderness. Riding those mountains into oblivion like I use to, and then struggling to find my way home again. The day I rode my bike for four hours upto Cockatoo in 36 degree weather is what Im talking about! Or the five hour circumnavigation of Phillip Island last summer where I skidded on the rocks and was saved by a prickle bush from a 30 foot drop - those were the days. I will make sure these days come again, eat better, and ease off on those large McValue meals. Then I may not look so pregnant.

The Longest Night

2004-08-10T01:26:00.000+10:00

Leading up to the night, he had promised us that it would be a huge night.

There was excitement in the air and consequently last Saturday night was going off. Amidst the drunken tomfoolery, an absent home-bound, baby-sitting friend of ours pranked us all, later folllowing it up with a comedic stab at our mate with a SMS.

Infuriated at this SMS he wondered the house. "Where are my keys?", he asked whilst searching around. I realised then everything was about to change.

Ironic he said tonight was going to be huge, but we were expecting an orgy-like Twister (minus the sex) and other great party games. Nothing what we were about to experience.

He reversed along the muddy driveway, out onto the street. Another friend rushed to the door, trying to open it but he sped off on him.
Next thing, the three of us were speeding through the streets of Pakenham attempting to catch up to our speeding friend.
Manuevering between two cars into the slip lane, we turned left as I turned around to look at the glaring car beams behind us. Getting that gut instinct I tend to always get about things, I realised who it was. Blue and red illuminated the houses on the street around us and pulled off the road, right opposite the house we were heading to. As the police questioned the driver, we saw our friend in his car casually, but quickly enough, turn up the road and disappear into the night.
I cautiously approached his house; the mate who pranked us in the beginning. His family poured out of the door with Bourbon in hand to see what the fuss was all about. Our mate was fine and accordingly nothing happened between he and our friend who stormed off at the party, albeit a few car beeps he did until the cops scared him off. The cops naturally didnt care what we were trying to do, no matter how well our intentions were. Luckily their reprimand was minimal.
The three of us from the car, my mate, his father and partner; we sat on the terrace of someone's frontyard discussing the nights matters that lead us to this surreal situation. An hour later, in a stupour some of us still were from our drinks, we ventured through the streets, looking and hoping we would find our mate. But, we found nothing. He had disappeared.

The figure walked in a zig-zag fashion in the middle of the road, right outside of the local train station. The driver tooted his horn and the figure spun around, his pissed but angry face startled by the car's beams. He began walking towards us...I remember screaming to everyone to lock their doors and wind up any windows. He slowly came to a stop at the driver's window and just looked at him, almost like he was ready to punch the window or windscreen. My mate's father jumped out of the car and questioned if there was a problem, or something along these lines.
Next thing we know, they're parking (as in what they do in Boxing) in the middle of the street next to the car. We all realised this was it as more crazy bogans came out of nowhere and a brawl was about to start. I looked around at my mate (the original prankster)..he had jumped out to defend his father...the door was wide open and I could see the approaching "gangs" of mid to late thirty men. The violent sort who beat their wives and piss their pay away at the pub.
We freaked and screamed. We panicked and froze. "SHIT" my mate in the front passenger seat screamed as we saw our mate and his Dad get beaten to a pulp. I thought about bolting to the station but it would be our luck to get someone who wouldnt be able to help, aside from the fact they can't leave their shift and become involved. I glanced at the door, wide open to anyone Bogan who wanted to venture into our car. "Get out of the car! GET OUT OF THE CAR! Run for it!" his father screamed at us before landing back on the ground. Stop.

I thought what is the best thing to do in a situation like this? My mate in the front and I were so close to jumping out and fighting these bastards but we were afraid they had knives...then I realised, call the cops.

The door slammed shut as someone kicked it and we sped off while I dialled 000. I thought to myself I must speak as clear and coherently (in my quickly sobering slumber) to the operator, so that the police come before it's too late. Fifty goddamn questions later, the phone at the police station rang. And it rang. And rang some more. I looked at the park opposite the train station where the fight was and saw all these people running through it, including a gang of Aborigines Slowly my ears tuned back to the sounds and heard from the others that our father and son team were running for us to pick them up on the other side of the park. Again, fifty goddamn questions from the police, I asked for an ambulance...I saw the unconscious body of my mate's father on the road.

The car was parked in front of him, the light showing his red top that made me realise who it was. Everyone had dissipated as quickly as they appeared. There was a police helicopter in the area too at this time I was to find out later. We\I must've been really drunk because we never heard a thing. The Aborigines were all around the curled up body. I saw our front passenger had rang the police too, and so I cautiously wound down the window and asked them if he was ok.

Amazing irony. His father is a nurse who has worked for a time in Darwin, and helped many injured Aborigines he had told us only earlier that night. Here they were, all around him. I walked up to his lifeless body, his head propped up by some leaves and branches. I asked him if he was ok, he blinked and replied. Some of them came upto me and told all of us to just get out of here before anything else happened. The police were just at the end of the street, waiting as if there wasn't a rush in the world. The suddenly sped off up the road like a bat out of hell.

They helped him up and he grabbed hold of me, I wrapped my arm around him and dumped him into 'my mate's car and locked the door. I asked if my two friends were ok and to let's go and get our friend who we heard, had ran to his grandparents house.

I liked this situation. I felt in control. I was helping people and it seemed so right.

Again, we drove around the streets a shade after midnight, travelling to the grandparents house. But his father just kept telling us to drive, "just keep going, it's up here somewhere". Twenty minutes later, we were at his grandparents. Right at the place where we were before we left.

Thankfully, father and son were ok and so were the rest of us. We explained exactly what happened to the grandparents and in particularly, to the father for his continual repeated questions assured us he had the worse case of concussion most of us had ever seen. Whilst in the toilet, our friend; the one who we went searching for in the first place, pranked me. He was back at the house of the party, distaught and very upset.

Ten minutes later, father and son were taken to hospital for a check up by the grandparents. They both had huge gashes on their arms and a smashed mobile screen. I was shocked to see our missing friend in one of the cars. Thank God he was safe.

We all went back to their house. The house where only just before, we had been pulled up by the cops. My mate's father's partner told us to go to her room where we talked casually well into the morning. The driver of the night, a good friend of mine, left at 2am and gave him a huge. A smile showed and that's what counted. (Ed: Good on you mate, I was woorried about you that night, how you would cope with everything. But Im glad you kept your cool and that you were with us in the first place. Your hug put a smile on his face, but it put a tear on my cheek). We eventually tucked our embarrassed, emotional quiet friend into her queen-size bed. The remaining three of us; the partner, the other mate who rang the police and I, continued drinking out on the porch well into the early hours, having one of those talks that covered everything in life.

A shade after 5am, father and son came home in fine shape. Our other friend was woken up and he silently left in the light of dawn, to walk back home. As I walked home at 7am, I realised that our friend needs us as much as we need him. Maybe he's realised how much he means to us? Hopefully we can all get together soon and finish off the party we started that night.

Ballarat Bygone - A Simple Life

2004-07-28T00:49:00.000+10:00

Surprisingly, the coach to the Land of Quartz wasn't as boring as I expected.

A fortnight ago, I bestowed upon myself to visit these two and another friend before my holidays ended.
3.5 horus of travelling and happy to finally see where exactly the place I want to work at is based during my travels, I arrived to the cold region that is Ballarat. It is a whole world unto itself - the archteciture is unique in combining the new with the old and maintaining the modern with the Gold Digger days. It reminds me alot of America, although I've never been there so I have no idea how this comes to be.
The little hut of the residence of these two resides north-west of Ballarat in a town called Carngham. It was a spectacle within itself. After hearing so much of this adobe, here it was, nestled in a sharp-off-the-road turn, shadowed by the pine tree farm and Blair Witch country out the back, I could feel the interior decorator and landscaper bursting within me to do a "Block"-esque routine in the middle of buggery.
Essentially it was everything I had imagined right down to the creaking door. This city slicker had met true country style of living. I was Paris Hilton from "A Simple Life". After a Cook's tour around the block and house itself, pissfarting with the computer, my friend (who I met on the net through a chance email that she received from me that contained only my email - damn viruses). After meeting her two friends, we sped back into Ballarat, to venture later onto to the town's nightclub, "Rattle N' Hum".
Surprised by the fact I wasn't allowed in due to my hooded top (which I could either "tuck in" or "take off"), I was to witness later the usual bunch of try-hard Surfies, Metro's, and delicate young girls. After many, many beers and bourbons from my friend's boyfriend, I kicked up on the dancefloor much to the amusement from the others who I think spotted I was from the Eastern Suburbs by the way I danced. The DJ improved, especially the remix of "Californian Dreamin'" that got me dancing up a storm. I liked the use of the projector screen displaying the showcase of video clips for each song too.
3am - friend's housemate and I are roaming the streets of Ballarat. Chips, cheese and gravey - supposedly Ballarat's dish - was purchased and we feasted on it in the cold, wintery, dank streets of Ballarat.
5am - entertainment happened in the form of me showing my Yr. 7 film to my friend, having a deep and meaningful, and being welcomed to her boyfriend's spew in the hallway.

On the way up, I thought it to be befitting that I see a movie of importance to me at the place where it all started - where I saw my first film back in the 80's - The Regent Theatre. Only befitting in the sense that my career is rumbling in the distance and this cinema, was where I encountered my first sampling of celluloid - in the form of Tim Burton's Batman.
So we saw Shrek 2 (which was brilliant, and related to what Im doing in my course and it was shown in either the same cinema where I saw my first film or nextdoor to it).
Later that night, I was back at the dishevelled cottage where the interior decorator and landscaper inside of me was bursting to the point where we discussed for ages the potential of the place. More computer technicalities and problem-solving followed the night with great-tasting beef, a showcase of my movies (again), and chatter. Dubious about the large dead mosquitoes hanging from the celing and cobwebs, and freezing from the cold, I found to be in a bed of comfort.

Friday - mad rush to the train station saw me just missing the train and not even having enough to buy Macca's. Amidst the chaos and near enough to below zero temperatures, I boarded the train in the afternoon and had the fortunate case of a schoolgirl sitting opposite me. Nothing eventuated as she fell asleep and so did I on the way home.

Director's Cut - "Thus The Tale Begins"

2004-07-07T20:34:00.000+10:00

As promised in the blog beforehand, I present to you the mixed bag of times I've had ranging from the adventorous to the downright most dirty.
Be sure to read this from bottom to top, past through to present.

May-July

Blog re-released

Production of 3d Uni Film

April

University Admin ring FE and interviews over phone to write up article on him in Uni paper

FE moves his bed finally from loungeroom back into newly painted bedroom. Woot!

FE falls seriously sick and nearly collapses from sleep deprivation and overloading of daily schedule

Last week of film shoots for "The Extra" FE meets comedic idols Colin Lane and Shaun Micallef New friends are made and extreme close-ups are shot of him

Dress up as cross between Anna Kournikova and a hooker to friend's 20th Murder Mystery Night Complete with shaven legs, g-string, bra, heels and wig. Receives award for best dressed and ends up running around pool naked. View at viewer's discretion.

FE shops for women's clothes and lingerie

2nd film shoot on Jimeoin's film "The Extra" at Melb Arts Centre. FE falls madly in love with Livinia Nixon and makes new friends. FE chosen as main extra

FE accidentally says "f word" in front of local Church chronies at Midnight Easter Mass only to say "Oh I didn't see you there! Happy Easter!"

Blog template re-written with help from TI-O-M

March

The Written Word Two template is reviewed

FE wears T-shirt of naked girl to Church outing to view "Passion Of The Christ"

SEXY widescreen, high definition, Dolby Surround, 86CM digital TV and DVD\VCR player purchased. TV viewing increases greatly

FE slapped, punched, tickled, balls kicked, harassed by girls at Gembrook party with bogans. Funny people with funny teeth

Sexy Canon MP370 Printer\Coper\Scanner purchased

First day of shooting on Jimeoin's new feature film - "The Extra"

FE's father becomes redundant

FE begins directing a short animated film at university about penguins in Antarctica

FE gets over depression and break up and gets with two girls over following weekend

Meet up with Ex to clear things

Februrary

Relationship break up next night proceeding with chronic depression for 3 days

FE looses wallet on first day of filming. Movie tickets from '97-present day are forever lost

Cast members begin dropping out of film "Mortal Sin"

Near miss car accident with truck and car

Worry about No. 77 starting new life at University

Add sexual frustration on top of that

Depression sets in

Lack of motivation sets in

Boredom sets in. Relationship woes increase. Everything begins going to the pack

Valentine's Day - No.77 treated to La Porchetta, teddy bear, poem and card. Nothing in return

First "talk" about relationship. Everything "sorted out" but it inevitably continues down hill

Again, be cautious of schoolkids walking home from school if having sex in public

Janurary

Relationships begins to creep down hill subtlely

Many games of night tennis played by all at No.77's house

TI-O-M and FE help Agent with DJ Gig at Bhangra 21st Party. Big success

FE snorts steam as Nokia 6610 goes for a dunk at No.77's swimming pool in his shorts. Crisis over upon dry re-assemblage only to receive a message about a forthcoming DJ gig of HEM

As No.77 gains entry into Uni, FE and Co. venture to "haunted house" and gain inspiration for a new film titled "Mortal Sin"

No. 77 runs over FE's foot with V8 Commodore (no connection to aforementioned night)

No.77 and FE have their first rough night of emotions and tears due to personal events leaked out by an open drunken FE about the relationship to family and friends

Drive-Ins for the first time - simply brilliant

Last year's TV commercial receives a High Distinction

FE falls ill from food poisoning with no thanks to a small bite from No.77's Chicken Teriyaki BP Roll

FE insists you be cautious of kids spying on you and your partner during public love-making rituals

December

Jagermeister (Yay-Ga-Mister) regarded as cough medicine in disguise

"The Tom Green Show" also regarded as very funny television

No.77's mother confronts her and partner about their clandestine "Schoolies" week and sex lives

New Year's celebrated at San Remo beachhouse with girlfriend No.77, family and friends. No.77 confesses love for FE and vice versa at the first break of dawn for the new year. Best New Year's to date

Stationwagon conks out in middle of Warrigal Rd. FE has to push the wagon off the busy road containing 2 80-something year olds up onto a traffic island in 36 degree heat

FE discovers that love-making in sand dunes isn't as bad as what some might say

Romantic oils make FE high during love-making, giggles ruin the mood

Trip back home through storms complete with psychotic African woman chanting

FE gets inside tour of Fox Studios with inside worker and witnesses various film sets

Many contacts and acquaintances made at massive Film/Animation Festival

FE and father fly to Sydney and stay at Manley to attend Film Festival at Darling Harbour

November

"Whose Line Is It Anyway?" regarded as the funniest television

Semi-circumference performed by FE around Phillip Island on shitty bike. Nearly skids off a cliff

No. 77 invites FE down to her beach house at San Remo. Only male amongst 8 females. (much pleasant, gratuitous sex, drinking, cigars, smoking, swimming, hiking and general Schoolies behavior)

FE nearly caught by bible-bashing Church biddies while buying condoms at local supermarket

TI-O-M and FE enjoy becoming airborne in Ogie's car going 100+ kmh over Cranbourne railway crossing. Becomes nightly tradition

Dawsons Creek style pier sitting\beer-guzzling at Frankston Pier with Ogie and another friend sets summer holidays off until TV commercial editor rings FE requesting him to come back to Uni to edit. Ugh!

Nov 21st - FE begins dating No. 77. Hoorah!

Red Carpet TV interview at Awards Night hosted by Wilbur Wilde. Free grog and students falling down stairs to accept awards

Nov 19th - rat-tailed hair and beard shaven off professionally for Awards Night

FE has two consecutive days without sleep to finish commercial - mad rush

Drunk\sleepy\semi-conscious businessman on Oakes Day train goes to sleep on seats and falls off to break nose and splashes blood everywhere around train carraige

Drunken boyfriend ramming his head up girlfriend's arse witnessed at Spencer St Station by many 9am-5pm workers.

Big "LAN Party\Sleepover" at friend's to model and animate TV commercial

Hair tied back due to length.

Plane tickets booked for Sydney

October

Production of TVC in full swing.

Email is received from lecturer warning about acquiring certain games and other things at university. Admin not happy.

FE turns 20 on 6th October.

Pre 20th Birthday drinks with friends - a girl "No. 77" is met and a good time is had on couch. Spring had sprung (and so did the couch that night).

September

Singledom still thoroughly enjoyed!

Hair has grown long.

Deliberate driving up wrong side of busy residential road towards road crest to turn down a nearby street. HEM and TIS-O-M shit themselves.

Introduced to Nando's by Agent FareEvader

University class takes brief interest in love\life debacles earlier documented in this blog. They also learn what a blog is.

FE's Dad tells cop all about how much he had to drink upon being pulled over.

Work on University's Awards Ceremony at Forum Theatre - designing posters and programmes.

August

Singledom being enjoyed like never before

Grandma pays debt of $600 *!!*

Proposed job at old school to teach Yr 9 students the basics of animation. But job offer utimately falls in on itself due to school's disorganisation. And aforementioned priest cracking the shits with disliking of blog author

Odd dream about having sex with Beyonce Knowles in a mudpit in someone's backyard bbq

Last ever "Buffy" episode.

FE topping various modules at University. "Eckle" cartoon receives warm reception from critics and peers at University. High distinctions received.

Train fine for feet on seats added to repertoire of train fines

Mate and fellow blogger AFE has 15 seconds of fame on ABC's "Stateline" for colleague's tram stint.

July

"Eckle", animated film begins it's production.

"The New Era Begins" - top notch new computers at Uni and a new project is undertaken - TVC (Television Commercial)

June 22 - trip to Morwell to break it all off. "Bitch" was at movies instead. Many non-answered calls and SMS-ing. "Bitch" tells FE to meet her at shopping centre, he waits for 4 hours, nothing. Letter is slotted into wiredoor at home. First ever phonecall from her is received at train station, it's announced that letter is at police station due to name-calling and comment "you are a selfish bitch for doing all of this". FE shits himself on way home as he is told to beware of psychotic drug-taking brother of hers. Yay! Singledom!

Ogie and FE compare notes on similar shite relationships

Everything in life speeds down hill at astronomical rate. Girlfriend regarded as a "bitch" and contemplation is given to breaking up

Serious deep financial shit. (train fines, $600 bills, etc)

Family issues once again, FE storms out and goes to mates house

FE dubbed "astroboy" amongst peers due to black hair

Pakenham Storm Chaser website discovered. Great spectacle

Delta Goodrem diagnosed with cancer

FE invests in a new Nokia 6610 Colour Phone with camera attachment. Woot!

Yet more mind games from girlfriend via SMS - apologising for causing hurt, missing presence, and that generally everything is ok

Metaphorical\Nostalgic roadtrip to Frankston to gather thoughts and clear mind. The birthplace of blog's author

Whore of a girlfriend leaves FE waiting in the wintry cold for a coach that doesn't exist for two hours

Time out again with another mate. FE begins to recognise comedic element in "Freddy Got Fingered" and finds it a hilarious film

FE draws up huge poster to cheer up girlfriend who gets shitty about it

Time out with AFE. Enjoyable tequila Sunrise at Elephant and the Wheelbarrow. Woke to SMS from girlfriend saying "I'm dropping your stuff off at your house and talking to your Mother." And that there was going to be big trouble for FE as he was somewhere where he shouldnt be but wasn't

FE's girlfriend claims his house is "umcomfy and too posh" according to this slag from ~~Morwell~~ Whorewell. No "girlfriend-stays-at-house-for-the-first-time" action

June

...and the last post made for The Written Word

Friends of author regard his relationship emotional rollercoaster ride more dramatic and entertaining then daily TV soap operas

FE on verge of breakdown as everything plummets down hill. "When it rains, it pours"

Relationship woes are increased with thanks to current girlfriend's ex who wants her to have his kids due to cancer scare

Sex in a public pool is an naughty thing, especially in front of partner's mother

Hair is dyed black by current girlfriend - "how black can black be?"

Amused by the discovery of Contact Juggling

Local priest harasses FE to "glenuflect" as soon as he enters Church. Priest claims he is "sick" of him.

He received his upteenth train fine. Adds to list of other train fines

He helps his current girlfriend and family move house. (What a shit)

FE learns how important foreplay is before sex

One Year On - Director's Cut

2004-07-06T05:13:00.000+10:00

Time has ebbed back and forward for many months now since I last broadcasted my observations. People have come and gone, places seen and experiences had. I've had the time of my life and alot of things have changed me since this blog was first born in Autumn of 2003. Proceding this post, is a summary of the past year or so.

P.S. Much love and kudos to Agent FareEvader for code inspiration.

First of, what's with the new look?

Befitting the different context of this blog to the last, it was essential to enhance it but also link in with the theme. First and above all, the Earthy tones represent the world where we reside on, the life we live here on this rock foundation. Also, I'm a fanatic of Nandos and so I intepreted their colour scheme into something warm and also it made me feel warmer as this revamped blog was re-released in the cold Winter of 2004. The oddity of using Italian based links on a pre-dominant English site was decided on for originality, embrace the "hotness" of the chilli, and also because I have a strong interest in all things relating to the Italian culture. Furthermore, the red tones, orange, denote something warm and hot and serves as a foundation for this blog as there will be, at times, controversial things observed, stated, taboo and risque. Be sure to read the disclaimer. There will be nothing left unsaid, unabridged, or untouched. Life has mixed complexities and muti-dimensional levels and so nothing will be left out, not even the dangerous aspects.
The green in the colour scheme is not only my favourite colour but a reflection on my Irish background, but also a reminder of nature, that man is always at peril of it. The feather quills obviously are used to write whilst chilli's symbolise the occasional hot and dangerous nature of this blog and the controversial posts that may be made. If mention at any one point throughout this blog to the initials, FE, then (in case you dont have your thinking cap on) they are my initials, Filmmaker Extraordinnaire.

What's to be expected?

Essentially it's a conclusive blog to the former one that you knew. It's still here but archived. This one sees things in a different light for I'm no longer a teenager, doing second year Uni, and on the verge of creating myself a career in the world of animation and film. More importantly though, the experiences I had between now and last time I blogged anything substantial, have matured and proceeded me beyond years in ways I could never dream about. Considering this, it's only fitting that this be the second part to the chronicles of "The Written Word". "Poetry In Motion" denotes the motion of words that can have so much meaning to us, or so little to some. One day, I hope, this blog will base the form of not only an autobiographical book, but an autobiographical film about the world I reside in, the hum drum, the abnormal throught processes I have, the chaos that rules the world around me, but the little others around me do to make something of it. The chances we have, the chances I have, to become something powerful, so powerful that we might change the world, inspire the people, and walk this earth leaving in wake an impression that time can never erode away. To know we did something great when we had the chance because of the small ideas we had, the minute struggles, the determined mind, the words we said, the written words.