Growing Pains

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I was overjoyed to find an old CD at the back of the DVD cabinet under the TV which was a CD an old friend did at the end of Yr. 12. He compiled some basic Visual Basic program with a simple search function for each person in the year level, bringing them up with their personal details and their quiz we had them take. One of the questions on there was, "What's the meaning of teenage life". It wasn't until tonight that I realised the answer to life as a whole, is: growing pains.

Life. It's just sheer fucking craziness. It's fucked up but oh so beautiful simultaneously. It's not unil now, my peak has been reached and thus I am ready to turn everything up on it's head: personally, mentally, socially, and creatively.

Ever had one of those days where so much weird shit has been crammed into the one day? Where it just has so much meaning to why you eat your French Fries the way you do to trimming your nasal hair? Or why you scratch your back first thing upon entering the shower? I've been having alot of those days lately, and quite possibly, on a daily basis.

You just have to stop and take a look around. Take a picture while you're at it.

This whole "me writing about cryptic shit that people won't get, raving about tards I come across, or relishing in how supposedly great something is whereby no one would give a shit about" has fallen downhill. I'm just sick of this shit. This blog. No one comments. No one reads. I don't write. Also earlier attempts at trying to become one with the whole "blogosphere" community. It's rather cohesive, too cohesive I might add. If you ain't writing about politics or raving about some bolding MP with a middle-age spread, you just AIN'T worth it. You are not cool. No one will read or give you a chance, nor will they hold any esteem for you. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. I may have linked on this blog of people from social frolicking of yester-months but Im quite sure they don't read me as I might with them. But, I know - you must write something in order for people to just to take a 5 second glance only to immediately dismiss it. Fuck it all in it's arse. Im going out on a limb and people can like it or lump it. Threatening or just complaining? Take it as you please and you can have your cake with it as well. But individuality grows stronger in me, I want to do something that sums me up, this person right here. It continually amuses me as well bloggers always fit in the descriptive, "self-indulging" in their posts. Well no shit, that's exactly what a blog is isn't? My Mum put it so well a while ago where she said it was rather a case of self-centered ramblings. And even when people whinge about people whinging, that's hilarity at it's highest calibre.

Just why do we blog? Therapy? Attention-seeking? Status-symbol? Piss-poor attempt at journalistic fantasies? Neh, whatever it is, I'm doing mine, albeit on a "once-in-a-blue-moon" routine, for myself and people who want to take part as either a spectator, a comrade in arms, or relish in how shit this blog can get. I am also doing it as a way of looking back, nostalgia, status symbol (although that won't happen), occasionally humble, frequently egotistical, sometimes hilarious, a dash of sex, and above all; honest. Hey, that's what blogs are all about ain't they?

Speaking of blogs on the whole, I have been on the bandwagon as well and neglected things around here like oh so many others have. Ever wondered why this ain't updated?

Here it is, no order whatsoever:
1. Final year University - Bachelors Degree in Communiciations. What fun this is. Im serious! Just from a month of doing Sociology I can aim my commentary gun oh so directly with it's cross hair and hit some social matter on the head. Discussion abounds in class and with voulchers ready to prounce on anything you say, it embelishes passion in everyone, where we all argue and try to can understand this crazy society a little bit more. Capitalism, Socialism, Industrial Revolution, Commodities, Gemeinshaft, Gesellshaft, Consumption and Production. It rocks my jocks down to the socks! Comsumer society - you just gotta love it!
Then there's Communication & Culture that Im studying that touches the art of talking and writing in all it's simplicity and origins, not to mention a dash of anthropology. Composition the online component of the course, and Film: Style & Story. It's a thrill to be able to drive in for class on Thursdays as well during the evening, except the shit on Toorak Rd in peak hour. It is a pain to get up at 6AM Fridays for an all day session. But bah, I can hack it and there's something about the early morning train ride I really enjoy and just doing a full days work.

2. 21 and I don't have a job. Am I lazy? Should I get a poll for people to have their say as to whether I am or not? I swear I'm not, but being unemployed sucks arse. I go to bed 5-6AM as I work on some film or animation shit throughout the night and get up 2 in the arvo. I don't like it, I don't want to do it anymore. I want a job, REALLY want one but alas, every job I come across is either too far, the cunts want someone who's experienced, or you need some special qualification. I don't use the C word much but this has really pissed me off and disheartens\depresses me beyond my realms. How are those of us suppose to get experience if it's such a neccessity to begin with? Not only am I applying for jobs left, right and centre in real estate, selling lights, but also in my chosen industry: film\CGI (as in animation, not the programming language). Problems have ensued there as I need to write different versions of my resume, cover letters to each company and also burn the bloody showreel onto DVD, but even then software that you rely on has to be an arsestick.

3. I'm absolutely sick of the look of this blog too. Old, inappropriate,irrevelant, and just shite. With some luck and of course, time, I'll draw up some sketches for how I want this bastard to look. Something that shows for who I really am, the work I do, and what my dream is all about - Hollywood. I wrote in one post at the previous re-release of The Written Word 1.0 about what the colours, icons and all that means, but it just doesn't fit into who's behind all of this, not how the content is suppose to be presented. Now there's "self-indulgence" in true blog-style for you!
On top of this, I'm working on two other websites. A personal portfolio for the films\animation\artwork I've done over the years and create some kind of online presence for my work for any potential employers out there. Hi to you all! And finally, a website for my current film I'm working diligently on. Being an entirely 3D short film, it does taken up a fair bit of my time. Since Janurary I've been storyboarding the film, two versions of these storyboards, editing them both into a movie presentation, and now Im about to embark on the wonderful world of pre-vis and concept designs. In due time, you'll hear more about it. If it turns out how I see it in my head, then it could just very well be my big break I'm desperate for.

4. Working on a 3D short film isn't entirely a walk on the beach. The storyboarding may have been over and done with; the longest part, but soon the concept designs, modelling, animation, visual effects, cloth, hair, rendering, compositing, packaging and everything else that follows will be coming up; the harder stuff. So you can be sure that late nights over the keyboard wrapping my mind around parameter settings for cloth effects, hair & fur, rain, clouds, storms, snow, photorealism will ensure for a good part of this year and keep up my fucked-up sleeping patterns. With any luck it will be all done by Christmas, so I have a schedule as well that governs things.

5. Today I joined up to the gym. Yes, for those who do know me, it may well be highly amusing shit, but I'm not doing it for amusement. I need to. It is time. I look in the mirror and see the body of a late 30-something year old. I want abs, I want an ironboard stomach, I want some decent beefiness where it should be, and by God I will get it. This was one of my New Year's resolutions and I'm sticking to my word.
I'm still planning on joining the SES, but my real desire lies within the aim of enrolling at some dance school to learn ballroom. I'm just so incredibly eager to take it up (and have been for a long time). I could dance the night away if I had the chance given to me, and the girl. It's always about the girls too.

So there you have it. That was the tip of the iceberg but now you know why things are hardly updated. Any complaints feel free to either let me know and of course, drop a comment. Your guess is as good as mine as to where things will go with not just this site, but life as well.